Saturday, May 2, 2009

Have You Ever Had One of Those Days...

...when you find a great new zit cream, slather it all over your face, and wake up with two new, BIG zits on your chin?

...when you are truly disturbed that your right foot is wider than your left, and you don’t know why you are disturbed OR why it’s wider?

...when you confess your fear of Black Widows and someone comes along and says, “oh no, it’s the Brown Recluse you have to be afraid of. They hide in your bed and melt your flesh!”

...when you work out and eat well for three weeks and GAIN a pound?

...when you have gas, but you’re with “company” so you do your best to hold it in, and it like, does this weird explosion in your gut, and a sound comes from inside your stomach that is clearly not a tummy growl, but is possibly some sort of medical emergency, as you grab your midsection and say, “oh my, what was THAT?”

...when your blog temporarily goes down, and the error message says something about it not being “saved” and you totally freak out and start running around the house screaming and crying for 10 minutes, then think maybe this is a sign that you REALLY need to start cleaning the house, but then your blog starts working again and you are saved from vacuuming the walls?

...when there is nothing you can do about run-on sentences?

...when you are plagued by just one fruit fly? It’s like, no matter what you do, there is always ONE? You bleach and spray and clean and throw away all your fruit, yet, you set your juice down for one second and out of NOWHERE there it is, sitting on the edge of your glass, laughing at you?

...when you get the idea in your head, while playing with your kids, that you can still do a backbend, so you start to do one, but weird pains and fears overtake you, but you’re already half-way committed, so instead of falling on your head you manage to execute the backbend, and spend the next three days laying on the floor?

...when you have to call Property Management because the chick across the street keeps letting her pit bull run around freely and crap all over the place, but you don't want to because you are certain she'll know it's you, but you are scared of the pit bull and don't want to step in crap when you walk outside, but you have to because rule breaking like that drives you nuts? Yeah, I am about to call right now...I hope she doesn't read my blog!!!

Oh well...just watch this; you'll feel better!


Jennifer said...

Ha ha! Thanks for a laugh today. I love your sense of humor!

Carol said...

To funny another read run to the bathroom and come back for more. I love your humor. Have a sane weekend.

w said...

everyone thinks you're funny. that's just swell. when really. they don't understand that the whole gas thing was about me. that hurts right here. *points to heart*.

i'm telling everyone about your foot disorder. you know. a flu shot could help that problem out.

the edison variation mayerbe cullapseable.

I am Harriet said...

Where did you get that picture? That's too funny!
Poor puppy

Insanitykim said...

Hey Jennifer and Carol, glad to make you laugh! W, sorry, I wasn't gonna mention how gassy you are, and your grocery store technique for taking care of the situation...

Harriet, I got it off of photobucket! I sat there thinking, I can't believe someone took a picture of this instead of screaming and snatching that pup away from the laptop! Who knows, maybe that person, unlike me, has a life outside of cyberspace! ;)

Cluttered Brain said...

YES!! Try today for instance. I feel like ALL day I have been running around with my head chopped off. UGH!
Sounds so much fun doesn't it?
My blog address changed.
Just in case you were wondering.:)

Cluttered Brain said...

It's me. Covington Sensations. just as another name. :)

The Retired One said...

1. That's not zit cream, it is Preparation H for hemmorhoids. Explains alot.

2. Your right foot is naturally larger. It is from kicking ass.

3. Or they talk about the invisible dust mites or bed bugs that hide within a mattress. Sleep tight!

4. Its muscle damn it. Muscle! Muscle weighs more than fat. That's my story, and I'm sticking with it!

5. Gas? What is gas? Girls don't have gas,silly!

6. You vacuum your WALLS??? Now that is something you need to talk to your therapist about!

7. I don't know what you mean about run-on sentences because I hardly ever use them except on every other Sunday's posts or maybe Saturday's if I am really bored and can't think of anything else to do other than blog rather than clean the house.

8. If you buy only chocolate and donuts, you won't have any fruit flies.

9. If you quit exercising and dieting (because you only gain a pound anyway) and eat chocolate, you will be too out of shape to attempt backbends. Voila! Problem solved!

10. Its summer. Stop wearing shoes. Then when you step in the pitbull's leavings, it will feel squishy between your toes. You will get used to it and like it.

The Retirement Chronicles

Stacy Uncorked said...

It's so nice to know I'm not alone having those kinds of days... ;) I'm afraid of all spiders - especially those brown recluse ones...and the fruit flies definitely are laughing... ;) We have an issue with a neighbor's pit bull coming in our yard pooping at will everywhere, too - wish I had 'Property Management' to call about it...grrr!

That puppy picture is hilarious!

Insanitykim said...

Hi Clutter Brain! Go blog in the bathroom; you'll be amazed at how much you can accomplish in a short amount of time! ;)

So, Stacy, you can feel my pain, right? TOTAL grrr!

And R.O., HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA *wiping extremely taut eyes* how I have missed you!

Banteringblonde said...

Ok, actually? Yes - the backbend thing happened to me but I was actually trying to do a back walkover for the first time in about 20 years and I have no idea what possessed me but I may just be permanently injured from it!

Joy Tilton said...

The run on sentence one really hits home with me! Oh, and I know the FIX for the little gnats or flies...the little boogers are actually hatching in your drains. They go down for a drink of water and lay eggs. I swear this came from something I read, I just can't remember where. Anyway, just pour some bleach down each drain in your house when you see them, let it set 10 min. and flush w/water!
joy c. at grannymountain~come visit!

Unknown said...

My stomach does that. It was fun in college...during tests...when everyone is quiet and concentrating...and everyone thinks I'm just farting...and it's a test so it's not like you can turn around and be all "I'm not farting!" because you're supposed to be everyone just thinks that you're the girl that farts during tests. Lame.

Also, you totally beat me for finding bizarre videos.

Insanitykim said...

Bantering Blonde: I know huh? It's like, I watch Dancing With the Stars or like, iceskating, and I'm all, hey, I can do that! I once tried to do a triple axle in my livingroom; I think one leg is now permanently shorter than the other...

Joycee: I just became permanently freaked out by my pipes...I will put fire down them tomorrow...

Hey Lola...
This too would happen to me during "reading time" in school 'cause it was right after lunch and my stomach was not happy about the fries, pizza, skittles, the handful of my friend's nachos, and 3 musketeers I washed down with Pepsi. That is probably why the guy I had a major crush on never talked to me...

Charlie the Unicorn is one of my favorites; check out the other videos. Love them!

Blog Widget by LinkWithin