Monday, May 4, 2009

Billiards Leads to Pregnancy
















So I walked the kiddos down to the clubhouse today to play some pool, since I had promised my son a game on a rainy day, and because I found him crawling around on the ceiling this morning from a build up of eight-year-old boredom. Once we got there, Audge, my daughter, plopped down on the big sofa, and promptly took off her shoes and socks, while I found a show on the flat screen for her to watch. Jacob set up the pool table, and we started our game.

I am still perplexed as to why my mind would drift to the thought of how suggestive a game of pool could be, especially while I was trying to stop my son from eating the cue ball chalk, and from putting holes in the walls with the cue stick he was swinging around like a frantic ninja. Not to mention, Barney was blaring in the background…

But sure enough it did. I think it started when I was remembering my social life, pre-kids, and how one of the things my hubby and I would do was go play pool together. It didn’t happen often but man, now that we barely do ANYTHING alone outside of using the toilet, suddenly the euphemisms and nature of the game itself make me think we should just play pool for our anniversary in a couple of weeks since it’s free, and because it will serve as a great primary mood setter. Think about it…

You’re playing a game with um…sticks, and balls...

Your “junk” in the front (if you’re wearing a low cut shirt) and trunk are constantly on display as you bend over to hit a ball (sheesh, this “sport” was SO invented by a man!)

We all have to admit that when we play pool, we kinda feel like a sultry, smoldering hottie, don't we? And, we pose and saunter around like alley cats, giving sideways glances, winks,and grins as we hit the cue ball pass the other balls and right into a pocket…

You’re much more likely to have a pool table in your house than a butcher block, and c’mon now, we have seen what can happen with just a butcher block…maybe that is supposed to be like, a temperature raiser, but EWWWW HELLO!!! E-coli and salmonella!?!?! SO not alluring! Pool tables are cleaner, and bigger, and softer…

If your have trouble with your form, your significant other will fight off a swarm of angry bees to get over to you to uh, “help you out” by moving in as close as possible behind you…

In fact, now that I think about it, I can think of 15 families (well two, at the very least) I know who had pool tables, and they had 4 or more kids…coincidence? Search your mind, do YOU have a pool table? Do YOU have more than 4 kids? What about your friends? Sure, now the pool table serves as an actual game for the kids to play once the parents are tired and old and have no real need for a social life, but still, what came first, the kids or the pool table? Or, how many MORE kids came AFTER the pool table? Now when I see large families, I will think it’s because they have a pool table…I am SO not getting a pool table! Now a butcher block on the other hand...

PS sorry this post was so bad, it was a quickie...

7 comments:

robin said...

oh man! you are sooo right kim! pool was so invented by some pervert man! and i never realized it until i read this that yes, i always felt like a super hottie when i have played in the past. it's how they portray it in all the movies ya know.....

did jacob break anything in the clubhouse with his ninja skills!!???

One Cluttered Brain said...

You are exactly right! Pool was invented by some dirty ol man . . .why else are there ALWAYS pool tables in the movies we watch (usually in bars).
Even though this was a quick post it was a great idea and funny.
Keep them coming!

Banteringblonde said...

hmmm.... i don't know, I don't have a pool table but I've been preggers non-stop til now! lol

Jennifer said...

I've got 4 kids and no pool table... but after reading your post I think I might have to talk hubby into getting a pool table! ;)

Kearsie said...

Dude. I feel sexy right now just reading about playing pool. *flicks hair to the side and gives my very best Edward Cullen dazzling smile*

Too bad there's not a soul here in my office to notice my sexiness. Then again, I don't want to get pregnant.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

You are SO right! I hadn't thought of it that way before...wish we had room for a pool table...(grin!!)

w said...

i didn't read this whole post.

1. it was too adult for me.
2. nevermind what body part i am.
3. i had to leave some kind of comment.
4. the vartan is resurrected.

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