FANTASTIC FLASHBACK FRIDAY FUNNESS!

Welp since most everyone is into spookiness this week, this is about as spooooooky as I get!

I AM CAUSING YOU TO FLASHBACK!

Hehehehhehhehe

What in the what do I mean you ask? Well, in case this is your first time around these parts, or if you just didn't pay attention, get the memo, really care in the first place...um...I am dedicating Fridays to re-posting a post that, based on the comment numbers, wasn't read by um, anyone, OR they are sooooooo old 'cause my blog was sooooooo new that they weren't read by anyone. Hmm. Moving on...

So here now I present to ya'all...

FANTASTIC FLASHBACK FRIDAY FUNNESS! (echo! echo! echo!)

AAAAAAAAAAAA! Scared yet? Hope not...it's the same cat from last week. You should be used to it by now.

So, I had trouble deciding, but since I look like I'm in a scary costume in this picture, it fit the weekend. Have a fun, safe weekend everyone and, enjoy!!

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Hey Bruce, It's Chocolate

So I crashed into bed last night, and managed to prop myself up on my pillow, as hubby turned on the DVD so we could watch the latest arrival from Netflix: The Hulk.

The NEW The Hulk. Not the one with the other people…you know? I get confused, too.

So despite that, the movie fits my criteria VERY well. There was no real plot (actually there were HUGE chunks of plot connectors missing, which is OK when you have no plot) LOTS of explosions (of course they are selective explosions-just because you have gas pouring out of a gas tank with trillions of sparks around doesn’t mean you’ll blow up!). And, there were monsters, car chases, people screaming and running in terror, etc…all good stuff.

Then, I connected with The Hulk.

At the end of the movie, when he was fighting the Mutant/Half Dinosaur/Half Hulk guy, there were two poignant (yes, I said poignant) moments where the camera panned in on Hulky and, he sighed. Yes, he sighed, like, “WHY do I have to deal with this AGAIN?”

THAT’S what is making him so angry! He's just irritated about having to do the same thing, over and over! Suddenly, on the inside, I was like, “yeah Hulk! I know! Why DO you have to pound Mutant Dinosaur Hulk into the ground AGAIN with the helicopter? Why do I have to do ANOTHER load of laundry?”

How I see it, is Hulk just has a bad BAD case of PMS.

It’s like this.

I am going through my day, minding my own business. I have broken up about 50 WWF-like fights between my kids and I have administered 8,245 snacks. We have covered math, science, and reading for school, and I have done the dishes 423 times in the past three hours, and folded 98 pairs of pants. My eyes are puffy and I am little more tired than usual. I sit down periodically only to be interrupted by a request or the buzzing of some irritating appliance, signaling me to finish my chores. Once that’s done, I am craving potato chips and salsa drowned in vinegar. Something is happening…

Early evening rolls around and I am becoming “snippy”. I can only do everything so many times in a day anyway, but now I feel like the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up and I have a pit in my stomach. Every question asked of me is answered with an ascending growl that causes the inquisitor to ask another question, which is, “what is wrong with you?”

Suddenly, I am a clumsy mess of “fricks” and “friggins” and “FOR THE LOVE!” exclamations, as I gave up swearing like a sailor YEARS ago, but I still have that inner agitation that used to accompany it. In the pit starts a raging fire. My head starts to pound like a bass drum. I can feel my lips curling and my muscles tensing and twitching, and that familiar lump sits in my throat. My stomach starts to bloat and the elastic on my pajama bottoms stretches to capacity…

Frantically I run to the calendar and check the dates. Yep, PMS has arrived, and there is NO going back!

Unfortunately it’s dinner time and PMS has infiltrated every vein, every mitochondria, every fiber of my being, and, in this state of mind and physical distress, it is downright dangerous for me to be in the kitchen. Now as The PMS Momster, I am:

-slamming doors, pots, pans, sharp knives, and my head against the wall
-burning various parts of my hands
-spilling food on the floor, and my feet
-burning and melting plastic utensils on the stove coils
-screaming “FRICK”, “FRIGGIN”, and “FOR THE LOVE!” every three seconds
-crying
-looking upwards, raising my fists in the air, and screaming
-burning the food
-banging on the stove as the coils stop working, again, just to mock me
-yelling to the kids that their “thinking” is too loud and to knock it off
-falling into a tirade when poor hubby asks me ANY question like, “what’s for dinner?”, “what’s that?”, “when will we eat?”, and “what day is it?”
-throwing dinner on the table, 25 minutes late, burned and mutilated, with threats that everyone better like it, or else...
-so frustrated by the time dinner is done that I can’t even eat it, so I go into the bathroom with some chocolate and cry while I stuff my face. With each bite the fire dwindles, the lips relax, the tears dry, the pseudo-swearing stops, and my muscles smooth out, but my stomach still stretches out my pj’s…it’s ok. Chocolate is worth it.

Hulk, chocolate is the antidote…

A Blessing to Bless; 368 Kids Will Now Eat!

Wooohooo!

I cannot WAIT for Turkey Day ya'all! I making a ton of yummy food, all my faves just the way I want them, then I am stuffing my face, stretching my elastic waistband beyond its limit, then I'll be sitting around with my family and friends, all sleepy and satisfied. And then, the days after that I will be feasting on fantastic left-overs that, after sitting overnight actually become more savory and satisfying. And don't forget the pumpkin pie w/ coffee breakfast, and the late-nite home-made cranberry relish fix w/ plenty of whipped cream...It is a week of utter and unabashed indulgence!

So, remember a while back I was expressing some slight frustration 'cause the oldest child was being picky about his food; ya know, when it's too hot/cold/different color/not enough salt/"looks weird"/etc/etc/etc claw my eyes out!!!!

And maybe you remember too how my frustrations led into talking about people in Africa not having any food to eat, and starving children, and how I sent my son into a mental breakdown (well, not quite that bad, but he was sobbing in my lap) which made him ask me, "why is no one helping them?"

It was of course a very obvious and good question, and one that in many ways I didn't have much of an answer to, sad to say, except that there were people out there helping. I just didn't know of any, and I myself had never thought to try, because really, what could I do about it?

Then that Sunday we learned that our church would be hosting an event to prepare 1,000,000 (yes, one million) meals for people in Africa, through an organization called, Feed My Starving Children! What Divine timing! Do you know how excited I was to tell Jacob this?? Our church would have the opportunity to volunteer time and money and prayers that would feed 4000 children everyday for a year. He.was.thrilled!

So, that was a month ago, and last night we went to the church auditorium, put on our hair-nets, washed our hands, and we got to work. But not before we learned a couple of things that hit home:

1. Many of these people we are providing meals to try to survive on "dirt cakes" which are a few ingredients, like salt, butter and water, mixed with dirt and baked into a cake shape. Children eat this to make their belly swell so they feel "full" and can sleep without the excruciating hunger pangs haunting them all night long. However, in the morning those dirt cakes are destroying their little systems; it's a vicious cycle.

2. Feed My Starving Children started by providing 3 million meals. This year, with the help of people in organizations and churches, they will provide 93 million meals. Those people no longer have to eat dirt cakes!

3. I was really able to wrap my head around this concept: "One man in one country asks for his daily bread and gets nothing. Another man in another country prays for his daily bread and gets two loaves. God answered both prayers, it's just about the distribution." We just have to make sure we give that extra loaf to those who don't have it in their hands! 17 cents is one meal. Think of how many kids we could feed just by dropping a few dollars their way! Amazing.

My kids worked so hard. Seriously! They never complained and didn't stop until the last box was filled. They were touched and upset over the stories of children not eating for days, and the images they say while hearing the stories. They had no idea, as did I had no idea, that children were eating dirt to stay alive. Audrey prayed that the children would not die in the night so they could get the food we made for them. I know I'm her mom, but that made me cry ya'all. This event has been life-changing for us, and for the people who will get the food.

We're all working in shifts this week; our shift of 600 people prepared and packed 141,000 meals, which will feed 386 children in Africa for a year. Remember, this program sends 93 million meals a year now. And in all this time, in all these years, only two shipments have been hijacked or stopped. We are praying that number stays right where it's at!

It's a good lesson for us to learn; saying "I'm hungry" takes on a whole new meaning. Getting grumpy when I haven't eaten in a few hours, or if I have to wait for my dinner at a restaurant longer than I wanted, really doesn't make sense. I grew up watching commercials of children staring at me, with those big tearful eyes, through the TV, and the pleas to "call the number on your screen" but never actually thought about it. I have been humbled by this opportunity, and how it all came together with a question from my son and an answer just a few days later. I feel so blessed to have the time, energy and monetary resources to give to others who are without, and to have my children share in that as well, and to help them realize they are truly able to make a difference if they just try! Check out their website ya'all...I hope you're inspired like we have been inspired! And if you could, say a prayer to protect those food shipments, and that they get into those precious little hands and fill those bellies, allowing for blissful sleep!

Peace and love ya'all,

Insanity Mondays

Everyone needs to be taught how to share. I have taught this lesson to my kids 1,356 times today alone.

I am losing the fort ya'all! My early 7:30 awakenings have turned into a forced crawl out of bed at 8:15. As I said to someone recently, I need to write a letter to Motivation and Procrastination, but really I don't see the point and I am too lazy anyway...

Hey did I mention that Gimpy, the bird we saved, came back?! Yeah! He crash landed on his back and flipped over, and ate and socialized with the other birds, sometimes on his back. The kids were so happy to see we had actually saved him for reals!

He brought a friend with him, one who was smaller and weaker. He would stay on the patio in the rain, even when Gimpy flew away, and I worried about him. He was so exposed.

That was probably the reason why the stupid stray cat came and SNATCHED THE POOR BIRD RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY KIDS! I banged on the window, which made the stupid cat turn and look at me, with the little bird in his stupid mouth. He laughed at me and sauntered off. Stupid cat.

Audrey then found every loophole possible to use the word, "stupid" (I don't know where she gets it) as she sobbed and plotted the cat's demise.

Jacob kept saying, "Audrey, I know it's sad, but, that's just nature!"

Her and I then had some serious talks about revenge, and how revenge, unless you're a fictional super hero who chooses to wear spandex, is actually wrong.

And Jacob scored his first goal! You know how I am all like, not into getting up super early and standing in the rain. Well, Audrey was still recovering from the flu, so I missed my son battling the elements and carrying his team, which was short some of the better players, and his ability to overcome a smack to the face from the ball, and scoring in the last minute of the game to tie it up! We are SO proud!

My zit cream seems to have stopped working. Do you know how traumatic this is?

Also, did you know that eating cookies all week actually is a great diet? I mean, that's just my opinion. I can't further research this claim however, because all the cookies are gone. Now the question remains, am I too lazy to make more, or am I motivated enough to make more cookies so I can eat them all day?

So, Jacob likes a girl that is mean to him. I am 2 seconds away from intervening, but we are working on realizing that when someone hurls their purse at your face, for no reason, you need to STOP LIKING THEM THAT WAY! Also, Audrey informed me a little boy told her that he likes her, and when he started chasing her she turned around and screamed, "I have a bad cough leave me alone!" It seems threatening illness works even in the 6-8 year old range! However, she went on to explain that she thinks he's "really cute" because he has "big eyes, brown hair, and a nice round head."

I watched Forrest Gump for the first time. Do you know how dorky I am gonna look quoting a movie that is 15 years old? Like, seriously dorky, and that's all I have to say about that.

It's only Monday. Someone please help me!

On a less insane note, look at this!

And this dreamy enchanted photo!

I love my camera, I love nature walks with my kids! Have a great Monday ya'all!!

FANTASTIC FLASHBACK FRIDAY FUNNESS!

Ok ya'all...

It's been a crazy week, reeling from the illnesses and just trying to get back on track; it didn't go too well...

BUT! I have decided to do something fun/cool/relevant and lazy easy fun. Hold on to you seats as I unveil...

FANTASTIC FRIDAY FLASHBACK FUNNESS!

Oh! Aren't you like, totally excited? Isn't it totally funness? I have no idea what the cat has to do with anything. So, what is it you ask?

Ok so, all it is, is me picking a post from the past year to re-post on Fridays. The list of criteria for my post choices (of which there are many) are:

1. No one was reading my blog at the time I posted these posts.

See? Lots and lots of important criteria and thought went into this new installment I am installing (not a PEEP about me missing Insanity Monday this week...no, I mean not one person said anything, really... *crickets dying*)

So I really sincerely hope ya'all enjoy this re-post (no comments = death of innocent crickets) especially since everyone is getting sick all over the planet, and that it's so funny that you spit coffee all over your keyboard, but not so much that it shorts out your QWERTY, because I can't afford you buy you a new keyboard...so cover your mouth with your hand, but, wash it first mmmkay? Have a great weekend!

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You Are One Sick Mother...

About 5 pm yesterday the smack-down happened; I was minding my own business when suddenly my throat decided it was time to set itself on fire. Hmmm, I thought to myself, I wonder if this is the result of my son sneezing directly in my face as I was flossing his teeth two days ago? Probably, I surmise, since the smell of his infected tonsils wasn't successful in knocking me out initially, I guess The Cold thought it would give it a try. So, I am sick. Does this day sound familiar?

-You feel The Cold creep over, tap on your shoulder, and ask if it can come and ruin your life for a while. You shake your head no and pretend that it isn't there, cackling crazily as it looks for ways to settle into your mucous membranes and lymph nodes. You continue on with your day, cooking, driving, meeting, cleaning, bustling, ignoring, overcoming, and when it's all done you convince yourself that you're just a little "worn down" from the busy day. You get into bed and say to yourself, "I'll feel better in the morning."

-During the night The Cold found the key you had hidden under the mat and took up residence, changing the interior design you had worked so diligently on (with your vitamins and exercise) into a raging mess of phlegm and bacteria, and laughing as he turned up the thermostat.

-Morning comes and you stagger out of bed, met by two equally snotty children (because of The Cold) who are bouncing around like excited electrons, because apparently The Cold has no hold on their ability to move, like he does on you. This makes The Cold THAT much more evil.

-You pour orange juice over their cereal and stumble over to the couch as they scream in disapproval. You need to go to the bathroom, but, it can wait as you mumble though a few phone calls to cancel, uh, your life...

-You know today is going to be a great day for the kids, full of TV, games, and junk food, and you don't care. You will do whatever it takes to stop them from walking...their feet on the carpet causes cranial pain beyond comprehension. You are out of cold meds, so you down 18 Children's Tylenol tablets. There's breakfast!

And then it starts:

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! I need MILK! Not juice!
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! He put glue in my hair!
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Where is the remote!??
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! I broke the remote!
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

-Before you can blink it is lunch time. You haven't gone pee for fear your head will explode if you get up, but you arise anyway because kids are on your lap, bouncing mercilessly and breathing on you, which is like daggers in your eyes.

-Figuring food is merely secondary to survival (because you think so clearly while ill), you throw down some bread and lay peanut butter in a stripe (why is it white? you don't care) and sprinkle chocolate chips all over it, and zap it in the microwave. You don't remember putting the food on the table, or how you got to the bathroom, but thank goodness you did as you haven't peed in nineteen hours and you are convinced it is now coming out your nose. Oh no, that's just snot. But, lots of it.

-Cartoons are over and Jerry Springer comes on, and you figure one time is OK, since the remote is now broken and the TV is all the way across the room and thus out of reach. Husband calls to check on you.

"Hi hon!'

"nnnnnnnhhhhhhh"

"Uh, not feeling good, huh?"

"nnnnnnnhhgggggggggmmmmbbb"

"Kids ok?"

"nhhh?"

"Do you need me to come home?"

"Nnnnnnne hmmm hnnnh hfffff gggg!!!"

You are PRAYING that he understood that as, "YES IMMEDIATELY!" but instead he interprets the lack of vowels to say you are actually rebounding from the onslaught of disease as he says, "love you!" and hangs up. You think to yourself, oh, he is SO getting this Cold! I will snot on him as soon as he walks in the door!

-The room continues to spin as you lose consciousness from time to time, finding yourself sometimes in the kitchen making something with chocolate chips, breaking up fights, or sliding off the couch.

-You make it to 5pm and hubby comes home, finding piles of clothes in strange places, dishes all over the house, snot rags covering the couch and the kids running around yelling, "mom fed us chocolate chips and mayonnaise for lunch! Dad, what is a 'babydaddy'?" Hubby looks at you and asks, "what's for dinner?"

-You throw the phone, and a take out menu, at his kneecap and crawl to the bathroom as your kids bound after you, asking where their glue went and if it's OK to put apples in the dryer.

-Somehow you manage to lock the door just as the kids start banging on it, screaming "MOOOOOOOOOM" for about 5 minutes, until hubby comes over and says, "you ok?"

"mmmmmmmmmmgnbgngggggggg"

"Ok...you want sweet-n-sour or cashew chicken?"

"mmmmmmmmmhmmmmmbbbngggg?"

"Ok, I'll order that."

-Prostrate on the floor, you see a magazine left there by hubby, you pick it up to read it, but decide that the floor is much more interesting.

-The scum and debris on the floor is making you feel worse, so you throw several different shampoo bottles at the light switch and somehow get it to turn off, but now you will have to clean up shampoo that has splattered all over the wall. No time to think about that while you are busy trying to breathe.

-The ringing of the doorbell brings you back to life and you move in a zombie-like state to the table and eat some take out. Your head feels like the inside of a bass drum and it is pounding so severely that you have to time your chewing to the pulsing in order to just bring your teeth together.

-Hubby finally gets that you are SICK because you only eat half of your food and you start to cry. He sees the wad of toilet paper stuck in your nostril and says, "maybe you should go to be-" and with that you fly up the stairs, forget your teeth, (all you  really ate was Tylenol anyway) and lock the door and fall into the bed.

Yeah, tomorrow should be a better day...

Using a Breast Pump and Poison on your Lips is a Bad, Bad Idea!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
*wiping eyes*
Oh man....AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

How I love a good laugh in the morning with my coffee!

Are you looking at that thing? Are you perplexed, freaked out even? You should be! You know what it is? A lip plumper! Look at what it is called!!!!
<------------- ACK! JolieLips? Did she actually endorse this?



AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! *tinkled slightly*

Oh man! This poor, poor, journalist, Melissa Dahl, wrote this article on MSNBC today about her experience in trying to get Jolie-like lips. Ya'all I am STILL laughing! This sweet woman obviously has never used a breast pump, because she would know that affixing any sort of pump to soft, blood-filled tissues, several times a day, causes painful swelling and bruising! And, swelling and bruising without yielding 6 ounces of breast milk, well, what the heck good is that???

AAHAHAHAHAHAHA sorry ya'all, I cannot STOP LAUGHING! Seriously? And she used something called "lip venom" to help the process along? Man, save the 40 bucks, stick your head in a bee hive then give your kisser a few forceful whacks with a bat! You might actually be in less pain and think of all the Frappuccinos you could buy with that cash!

Man, and it just gets better and better! This body-mutilating contraption is sold in the Sky Mall magazine!!! Can you see this company? They are all, "well, we think people will buy this, but, in case Angelina Jolie decides to sue us for using her name, or someone ends up in the ER after using this thing several times in one day, let's just advertise in an obscure magazine, ya know, one that is almost NEVER READ! ON A PLANE!" AHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAH! *snort*

This woman, after all of that pain and agony, actually tried it again! And said it worked! Nah, she's just frontin'. I bet she wishes she had a mocha frapp with extra ice right now! *hysterical belly laughing*

In her defense though, of thinking more is better, one time I thought it would be a fantastic idea to use more than one pair of teeth whitening strips in a day. Um, for a week I thought I was chewing on an electric eel and I produced enough saliva to fill a bathtub. Sometimes the pain is NOT worth the gain! She did decide to stop using it. Thank goodness, or her loved ones might have been accused of assault and battery! Oh, man...too much. Just toooooo much...

I am sure many, if not all of you, have seen this recently, but, we need to make sure our girls know the truth before they become young adults and start sucking their lips off with hand-held vacuums and burning them with toxic serums to look like someone "famous" and "perfect" in order to find self-worth! I mean it's funny, but, our obsession with perfection targeted at young impressionable people is not! (notice one of the FIRST things they change is her LIPS!)

A Novel Virus Takes Hold

The glassy look in his eyes and flaccid body caused his mother's heart to beat wildly; the whispers around town of child after child falling ill with fever and an illness no one could identify echoed in her mind.

The air was filled with a wicked chill during this time of scarcity. One doctor manned the town. Precisely, one doctor manned several towns. As darkness descended her son's fever began to rise...

What little broth she had left she heated over the stove as she laid a cool cloth on his forehead. He could barely speak or take in the sips of nourishment she offered him on a tiny spoon. "You're going to be OK" she managed to say as the other children stood in the firelight, all four in a row, watching.

Desperately she looked to the aid of neighbors and even passers-by, who might have been able to give a message to the weary Traveling Healer, that her once robust and lively 6-year-old son was rapidly fading; snow covered dirt roads and impossible distances created a chasm that she alone could not cross. "What will the night bring?" she pleaded to the silence around her. He could become the second child she has lost, and that pain was too heavy to bear...

What would it have been like to live in the early 1900's? Your child falls severely ill, and other children are dying in the town. There is one exhausted doctor not within miles, who you can't leave a message for in triage, or send an email or text to. There is no Tylenol to grab, no Pedialite to give, no one to talk to who has went through what you're going through, and no way to know if that one doctor will make it to your town in time, to make that critically needed house call, and aid your child with what very little tools and medicines he had? And, what if he comes? The roads are still to treacherous for traveling in order to get to any other facility around that might aid in his recovery.

Flash forward to 2009. A child dies within a week of seeming to have a "cold" from the swine flu. "He was perfectly healthy." Says his mom and doctors. We have SO much information and access to care and vaccinations and medicines, and seemingly several clinics or facilities to get to if you need to, in a country so fat and rich and able. So why is this happening?

Both my kids are sick this week with what I am told is the H1N1 virus. H1N1 is everywhere. It's not only in our schools and doctor's offices, but in the rhetoric, propaganda, opinions and horror stories that are decorating every news page around us. I hear about another child, "perfectly healthy" in the ICU, here in my town, because his lungs began to fail. Suddenly I am just as petrified as that woman in my little vignette!

What are you supposed to do? I waited three hours to get a diagnosis, a mask on my baby's face the whole time. No swab for H1N1 is done because they simply aren't doing them. Some doctors will, some won't. Some say the tests are not reliable, some say symptoms at this time point directly to H1N1. I am satisfied though with the physical she had and the negative on a strep test performed. So with a 103 temp, a scary rattle of a cough that chokes her, and aches and pains, she comes home with Tamiflu, something I liken to the unknown, snow-covered, winding dirt roads of long ago, who some risked to travel to receive respite and healing. Back then there would have been no question of whether or not the medicine was worth it. They took whatever they had to minimize the very real threat of death. Isn't it heartbreaking to really internalize that this is happening everyday in our world still?

And suddenly, I am relieved we all received the regular flu shot a few weeks before, that is available every year without fail. A shot I have refused to get for many years because I had such a struggle wading through the muddle of information blasted at me through the media and well intended people on opposite sides of the debate, both professionals and laymen. This year I had to stand back and weigh the risks on my own, especially since we are dealing with unknowns, inconsistencies, and a very real illness that despite seeming to be "fairly mild" in general is still killing "healthy adults and children", with alarming symptoms, not mention pregnant women.

But what does "healthy" mean? The "healthy" adult that is a workaholic, a social smoker, the one who barely gets by on 6 hours of sleep a night, the one who drinks 10 diet sodas a day while trading fruits and veggies for fast food, and/or the ones who work until they are literally crippled by the fever and aches that plagued them all week? Or is this illness overcoming those who take care of their bodies and rest when they know they need to?

What is a "healthy" child? I don't believe any of these parents were negligent, but, I just wonder, were they super vigilant? At what point did it become too late, what signs did they miss, or dismiss? Do you panic? Do you wait? How do you handle it when your doctor won't test for the H1N1? What do you say if they order you home, to wait to see what happens? How do you react when you know children who are being hospitalized? If you escape any complications, do you then, with your new knowledge and experiences take the H1N1 vaccination? Without question? Will this H1N1 fizzle out, or combine and mutate with the viruses that will be headed our way in a month or so. What happens then? What do we do? Who and what do you believe??

I am still day by day making my decisions. I am trying to be super vigilant and honestly just pray for God's direction and protection through all of this. And with that we must trust our parental instincts and do what we feel is the absolute best for our situation, and rally and support others around us who are trying to do the same, even if those decisions are different than our own.

These are just my personal thoughts and questions. I am not trying alarm anyone, and I am trying not to panic, but I will try my best to be pro-active and on top of this situation for my family. If you or your family is sick, I want to pray for you. Please be vigilant and well informed this season. Take care ya'all...

He Beat Them ALL with ONE ARM in Hell's Kitchen!

As parents, especially in this day and age of laziness (um...who, me?) and always looking for a way to make things faster, easier and less of a burden on our ability to skate easily through life, we have a HUGE responsibility to our children; we must teach them to no matter what, to persevere!!

persevere: to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.

I watch a ton of reality shows, and who knew? Who knew a season finale could hold a valuable example of persevering?

I know I tease about being lazy and not wanting to do stuff, and I know all of you who relate aren't lazy either...and I also I know we all work very hard to keep the house running, kids healthy and a semblance of self, even when we're about to fall on the floor absolutely exhausted, not sure we can lift another finger. As I type I am caring for my youngest, who was diagnosed with the H1N1, and I am running overtime, making sure the house stays clean, pushing fluids, logging medicine dispensing, making sure the boy doesn't feel ignored, and generally trying to keep it all together, while praying everyone gets through this quickly and easily!

So what am I trying to say here? Well, what parent hasn't given lecture after lecture about not giving up when the math problem is hard, or a cursive F continues to frustrate, or after the 10th fall off the bike, accompanied with scrapes and bruises? Or the smacks in the face with a soccer ball? Man, when that happened to my son, he never wanted to play soccer again! Granted it hurt, but he was fine, his face didn't even get red! We talked him into going back in, so he could help his team, and fight off the desire to give up. He finally did, and since attending a college soccer game and seeing the beating those boys take "without crying" he has taken his bumps on the field in stride.

Many times we are afraid to let our kids struggle and cry, while we gently push them to get through whatever it is, so we give up with them and just do it for them. I would say if I am guilty of at least one thing, it's been doing too much for my kids, and actually not pushing them to do their best and to overcome, especially when it is an appropriate and safe scenario to do so. I am really working on that now, trying to foster that independence and confidence in their abilities, and, it's paying off!

Circle back if you can to my love of reality shows (take some Dramamine if you need). We just finished watching Hell's Kitchen, where Dave, an executive chef in California, took the coveted prize of becoming the head chef of the Araxi in Canada!

Here's the thing, his arm was in a cast for nearly the whole season! He was in massive amounts of psycho pain! At any point he could have bailed for very legitimate reasons, but, well, watch this guy!



Are you kidding me? This is how he worked the whole season, and sometimes he hurt his arm in the middle of service, and he would run to the back and groan and psych himself back up and come to save the day as the other contestants burned appetizers, sent out mushy risotto and raw pork, and generally looked dazed and confused as Chef Ramsey screamed at them and beat up trashcans. See Mr. Standaround right there in the beginning? Yeah, he grated the tops his fingers off in the middle of the season (um, yes, ACK!), and after that every time he like, ruined his food on a station, he blamed the cheese grater incident. Um...DAVE HAS ONE ARM! And Dave deserved that win man! I mean, Kevin, the second runner up, was great too, and he had two bum ankles for a while (both of them were hobbling all over the kitchen, keeping it from sinking), but Dave had the culinary skills and perseverance like I haven't seen in a while!

Naturally we must know our limits and not let pride or stupidity put us in harm's way, and we need to let our kids know we don't expect perfection, but we do expect their best. Ya know I have to ask myself, do I really push myself to my full potential, and tap into that ability to overcome like I should, based on the gifts and talents I was given by God? Do I really teach this to my kids and present a model they can glean from?

And actually, if you're pondering that thought as well, and you need even MORE inspiration, then watch this. We got to see this man speak last year, and I wish I had had my kids with me! The have seen this video, and I should show it more, because it really made us all think and be thankful for having it all so easy, and to help them remember that if we have goals and dreams or challenges and obstacles in life, we must persevere!!

Monday Insanity

MONDAYS ARE INSANE!

So I am changing Tuesday Twitters to Monday Insanity, mainly because it's my blog and I can do what I want. I actually haven't done a TT in a while, and was waiting to see if anyone would notice. Well, no one really did, which made me think maybe it's not that popular, so I had one choice after conducting this extensive research, I had to face the truth and take action, which was to change the name and day to trick you all into reading...it's the same old craziness though, such as...

I nearly started to cry, Saturday morning, when I called the weather hot line and the message said, "yes you lazy woman, soccer is ON and you CAN'T go back to sleep, even if the ground is soggier than a wet sponge and it's barely 50 degrees out!" I thought that message was rather abrasive, but apparently my laziness isn't smiled upon. So see I had to pay for my whole "I giggle when it rains" comment, and go out in the wet cold for 3 hours, my toes getting wet through my shoes and snot threatening to drip from my nose. However, my son played his heart out! Other parents were cheering for him! I was up out of my seat screaming things like, "GO! GO! GO!" and, "KICK IIIIIIIIIT!" My heart was racing! It was like I was watching a different kid! But I know it was him, because I can see the numbers on the jerseys, ya know. Man. I am one PROUD lazy mom!

I had this moment, where I really needed to know if the 844 number still exists. Don't know what that is? Well, it's not like some scary number you call and hear messages played backwards or anything, it's just a time/weather phone number that I could call, back home, in the day. Then I wondered if it were a universal number, like if ever it were serious enough that you couldn't tell what the weather was, because you were in a bunker, and you were just curious if the sun were shining. So I dialed it and it didn't work. Then my husband showed me he had the time and temp right there on his fancy little cell phone thing. I was all psh. Progress...

The pediatric dental office is stalking me. See, I had to cancel the kids' appointment due to a schedule conflict (seriously, not just because I am lazy. I lie not). I did this canceling on their answering machine, which was less confrontational.  And I clearly stated that I WOULD CALL BACK WHEN I WAS READY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT! They have called three times since then, and I haven't answered. It's like, um, whose kids are these? The lady left a message demanding, "plllllease call me back so I can schedule Jacob's and Audrey's appointment." Excuuuuuse me? Don't I do that, as the PARENT?! Worse yet, I know they are all sitting around thinking, "sheesh, that woman. I bet she is avoiding us while her childrens' teeth rot out of their heads. She's so lazy!" Can you believe the nerve of some people?

Have you ever had that horrible experience, where you reposition yourself in a chair or get up, or you pivot on linoleum in bare feet, and the friction makes a sort of tooting sound? And this happens in front of someone who you would prefer to continue to believe you never pass gas? So you over-correct the situation by repositioning more or pivoting again and again, hoping that the person will make the connection between the sound and your movements? That it is coming from the floor/chair and not your backside? But if you really toot I can't help you there. I mean, you can't try to recreate the sound with a forced pivot if it wasn't there in the first place...

About a year or so ago I bought nectarines from a particular wholesale store, and I brought home not only the nectarines, but a family of fruit flies as well. Since then I have been in a constant battle with these little monsters, doing everything I know to get rid of them! I finally went all commando on them...wait...no, that doesn't mean what it used to. Shoot now I can't finish my thought...

GIVEAWAY WINNER

WOOOOOHOOOOO WE HAVE A WINNER!

This was my most successful giveaway ever!!! You all ROCKED! *sniff sniff* and to all my new followers, HELLO! So happy to have you here! *hugs all around, as long as you haven't had a fever in the last 24 hours*. To all my seasoned followers, *lip quivering* thank you for sticking around, I know how hard it is sometimes. You're all so amazing. Seriously. *blowing kisses with sanitized hands*

I carefully recorded all 154 VALID entries and used the fancy-shmancy Random Number Generator to generate the winning number, 39!

Nancy!

Nancy!

It's you! You won! Freak out and jump around and do a happy dance like, immediately! Are you doing it? You better! This was your winning comment.

Nancy said...

I also like the Honey I Washed the Kids soap Nancy

So Nancy, contact me before Wednesday, Oct 14th 12 pm EST to claim your prize, or else the RNG will choose another winner! And believe me there are some people who are hoping your power goes out, or you spill coffee on your computer, but I am sure they all like you and want you to be safe, despite their ill-will due to losing...

So, to all of you who didn't win, sorry! *handing you a tissue that kills 99.99% of germs and viruses*! You're all winners in my book, does that count? And keep checking my blog for awesome posts (well, that may be a stretch) and any giveaways I promote in the right column of my blog. Chances are I want to win whatever I am promoting, but, since I feel so bad about you all not winning (except YAY Nancy! *fist bump*) I will not be stingy in my desire to win cool stuff...

And thank you again to So Stinking Sweet for doing a fantastic giveaway on this here little blog! *massive thumbs up because I just sneezed and no sanitizer is around for a firm, sincere handshake*.

Have a great day ya'all, and see ya around. Don't forget to leave me some comment love on my posts of ramblings because that makes me happy and makes me want to do more fun giveaways and stuff!

Peace out!

What to do When You're a Lazy Mom (Analyzing Psycho, part III)

I have come to a serious realization ya'all...

I, am lazy.

It's true.

LaZZZZZZZZZZy!

I have always known that I could never live up to the whole "soccer mom" thing, even though, um, my kids play soccer. I just do NOT have it in me to dart about this way and that across town 50 times in one day AND do all the other things I do all day, like write and read blog posts, check FB cook and clean and stuff like that. I mean, sometimes, secretly, when I know it's like 99.99999% likely it's gonna rain on Saturday, I giggle, just a little...

Isn't that HORRIBLE? Why do I giggle? Because then soccer is canceled and I can sleep in!

TERRIBLE!

My kids stare pathetically out the window, asking why it's raining on a Saturday again, and all I have to offer is, "ohhhh, I am so sorry kids...now hand me that blanket over there so I can get all cozy with my coffee..."

*Embarrassed*

I have to admit this laziness is worse with the start of the school year, because actually I am quite busy and tired. Homeschooling two kids and running the house, for me, is like, running the country for Pete's sake! Remember how I was all worried about my purpose and doing stuff and all of that stuff? Well, I am merely up to my ankles in business and um, I'm looking to unplug the drain.

What's really funny tho, I think anyway, is that I have had this realization that I am lazy, and that I like it, and that repulses me, so I end up doing things, like keeping up with my house cleaning schedule and baking from scratch. It's weird. I get all stressed out about laziness, so the lazier I feel, the more I do...

Unless, I am FED UP with doing anything. Because sometimes I get excited about getting things done, so I get a ton of projects and cleaning and amazing things done, like super cool school projects and plucking my eyebrows. Then after about 10 days of that I am all, "BLECH! Do the items under the bathroom sink really need to be organized by size and use?" and, "who cares if my eyebrows grow together? Where's the couch???"

I start to think it's because usually when I do something I want to do it the very best I can, and sometimes, when you have to do dishes and laundry EVERY DAY that wears on you, so you don't actually feel up to taking on that sort of unnecessary project (ya know, the kind that has to be done again in 3 months), so you grapple with this ongoing juxtaposition of striving to succeed and just not caring. Man that sentence made me tired.

And then there is guilt. Now normally I suffer no guilt in my parenting, but, when it comes to making sure my kids are doing/learning/sharing/playing/experiencing enough, I feel bad when I just let them play quietly and stay busy on their own. Like if Audge plays upstairs alone for an hour. I have to fight that feeling that something is WRONG and that she's alone and suffering by playing peacefully with her dolls. And really, if my husband helps me by folding the laundry, on one hand I am so thankful because really, it was sitting there because I was too lazy to do it, yet I am disappointed in myself because I could have done it but I sat instead. It's that cultural self-imposed pressure to think that constantly flying around doing "stuff" is what we are suppose to strive for, and sitting around because I want to sometimes, a lot, is bad.

I went back and read my first psycho post, seeing that I still haven't completed some of the goals I made for myself. I mean, at this point, my bathrooms are clean, the laundry is caught up, the kids are doing well in their school work, but man, if I get the chance, I am playing Bubble Spinner, not cleaning my closet! I can't win that game. I try and try and try. Because see in a month or so the closet needs to be cleaned again anyway. It's just like Bubble Spinner!

So I think about people like this, whose personal game of Bubble Spinner is never ending and they never win...what does it take to get to this point? I mean, I am sure she's a nice lady but ACK!

So, what do you do when you're a lazy mom and you want to play Bubble Spinner instead of gutting that closet or cabinet? You watch about 3 episodes of this show and you're cured for at lease the next 6 months, *retching!*

It's time for my bi-yearly dose me thinks...how about you?

Shadows are My Enemy

As a kid I had serious issues with shadows. Yes, shadows were the main reason I could not sleep at night. You too, right? Shadow are evil.

I would see shadows on the wall, and each night the shadows would turn into some different and undefinable manifestation that was intent on my demise. Never mind the ferocious skeletons in my closet (no, not secrets, real ones, well, imaginary real ones, like seven of them, kinda dancing and opening/closing their jaws in unison) or the green aliens under my bed, waiting to perform vile experiments on me, OR the mutant earwigs that crawled out of my little 9 inch black-and-white TV, searching for my brain to lay its demon spawn. The shadows...they were the creepiest night terrors of all!

Ask any kid, even my own! A shadow cast on an innocent toy on the ground at night morphs it into an evil, scary, scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs beast. No matter what you do, every time you peek over the sheets to see if it has disappeared, it hasn't.

Of course the only way to remedy this is to...turn on the light and/or remove the shadows!! The light shows it for what it is, truly, and takes the ugly freakishness of the toy away. Unless it IS a creepy freaky toy, like a marionette or an Elmo doll, whose batteries have worn down and you step on it in the middle of the night and it groans in a deep haunting voice, "grrrrrmmmmmblllldgrrrrrrr" so you have to throw it out your window and into your neighbor's lawn so their dog can destroy it.  I digress...

Well I have a real secret. I am still scared of shadows.

But see, my fears are much more valid, and for very, very, valid reasons, that are valid. Here they are:

- Shadows make me look like I have cellulite, and,

- Shadows make me look like I have baggy eyes

See? Isn't that horrible? What, this doesn't make sense? Let me explain.

In the shower my legs look smooth and lovely, just like they are supposed to. But, fluorescent light above my head in dressing rooms, and late afternoon sunshine, creates long shadows, which causes my legs to look like the surface of the moon, which forces me to buy and wear long pants, even in 100 degree weather. That is pure evil.

And, when I put my chin down, the bathroom lights cause my eyes to have big bags under them. That is malicious at best.

So what should I do, other than never expose my legs and keep my chin held high? I must...turn on the light and arm myself with the weapons necessary to combat the shadows!!

OK, you're still confused, you say those are lights, kim! You can't add more light to light! Well, yes you can, because those lights I mentioned are lights that create shadows, shadows cause the appearance of freakish lumps and bumps and bags, and therefore any light that causes shadows is evil. Following this reasoning?

OK...see this?

This is what I need.  Pretend I am that dot in the center, and I am wearing a fantastic swimsuit at the pool. This is what I need to show my legs for what they really are, lump and bump free!

Huh? Has kim lost her mind? Psh. Stop asking rhetorical questions.

OK, I see I am gonna have to walk you all through this, because my thought process is a little  more discombobulated today...

Have you seen a model on the beach, posing for swimsuit photos, and there is a guy next to her, holding some sort of silver disk (I'm pretty sure he's not an alien), and there is another guy, holding a massive floodlight in some strange yoga-inspired position at a precise angle on her body, and there is some other guy holding an umbrella, blocking all the natural light? OK those things are there, not for an excuse for creepy guys to stand next to a swimsuit models but to eliminate the lumps and bumps that only exist because of the shadows!! See? I don't have lumps and bumps! It's the shadows! The SHADOWS!!!!

Hmmm, I am exhausted, this is a weird post. All I wanted to say was, I need someone to hold a silver disk thing, and an umbrella, and a flood light at 32.5 degrees on me, as I walk around poolside. Anyone? Anyone???

...

HAPPY ONE YEAR BLOGGIVERSARY TO ME!

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED

Woohoo! YAY! Happy Dance!

It's so fantastically amazingly awesomely awesome to me *sniff sniff* that I have been disciplined enough, during this time in my life *fanning back tears* to write and share with ya'all for a whole stinkin' year! *SOB!* I have always had a passion for writing, *regaining composure* yet this passion was dormant until I realized blogging was the way to go! *wiping away snot with my arm*

Anyway...

Blogging is more than a fun little hobby for me, I have met incredible people, I have had great opportunities to be a part of fun collaborations with other bloggers, businesses, and giveaways, I have laughed a ton, even cried, AND I have learned a thing or ten about myself, the world, and HTML! The challenge of coming up with something interesting and relevant and/or funny in the area of parenting twice a week is good for my brain, and there is nothing like getting a comment from all you dear souls, telling me you can totally relate, or you just spit your morning coffee all over your keyboard due to hysterical laughter. Man, I love that.

So to celebrate, I am hosting a fantabulous giveaway for So Stinking Sweet on Esty. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this shop, the soaps are beautiful, creative and wonderful!

You must check out her Etsy shop, she is currently offering some great deals, and considering that the holidays are fast approaching, this is THE way to go for gifts! And, here is your giveaway prize!

You have a chance to win a beautiful bar of Sparkling Mandarin Tangerine Shea Butter Soap AND the Outrageous Orange Lip Balm! YAY YAY YAY!

OK, most of you know how this goes. This giveaway runs from today, 10/4/09, to 10/11/09, and here are the ways to enter...

MANDATORY FOR 1 (one) ENTRY
-Leave me a comment here about your favorite item in her shop, AND leave me a safe way to contact you!

EACH ONE OF THESE ACTIONS QUALIFIES AS 1 (one) EXTRA ENTRY!
- Tweet this giveaway, come back here and give me the link, up to 1 (one) tweet per day!
- Become a new follower of my blog
- Become a fan on So Stinkin' Sweet's Etsy page
- Become a fan of So Stinkin' Sweet on Facebook, which I will verify by finding your name in the fans list!

EACH ONE OF THESE ACTIONS QUALIFIES AS 2 (two) EXTRA ENTRIES!
-If you have been a follower of my blog for the past year, comment and let me know (at this point I have 122 followers)!
-Blog about this giveaway, leaving me the link to the post in a comment

THIS ACTION QUALIFIES AS 5 (five) extra entries!
-By any item from So Stinkin' Sweet, leaving me a comment so I can verify!

I will use the Random Number Generator (RNG) at 12pm EST on 10/11/09 to choose the winner.

The winner will be announced at that time, and the winner will have 3 days to claim the prize!

If no claim is made within that time I will use the RNG to choose another winner.

So exciting! Thanks for reading, and thank you to all who continually comment, making me laugh and sharing with me! Here's to another fun year in Bloggy World! Cheers!

The Dangerous Reprecussions of Only Child Syndrome (OCS)

Heh heh...like my title?

Anyway...I was an Only Child, and I loved it. I often threatened to leave home if my parents even looked at another kid. Yeah, I threatened them with my newly acquired outdoor and streetwise abilities for such an occasion; I had learned how to poke a hole in the top of a water bottle in order to carefully ration my water, while trekking through the city with a blanket full of stuffed animals on my back and a pack of Twinkies in my pocket. I was serious ya'all. Many people think being an Only Child is lonely. Psh. It's awesome. For example:

-I never had to share my toys
-My clothes were always new
-Heck my TOYS were always new!
-I watched whatever cartoon I wanted and played whatever games/video games I wanted
-My parents' friends always brought me little gifts because I was so, "quiet and good"
-Birthdays and Christmas were all about ME!
-There was always extra dessert left over for the next day
-I never had to share my friends, OR my parents!
-I never heard, "why can't you be more like..." (which was good because the comparison would have been to the family dog, or the cat. That would have been lame.)

Now I know what you're thinking, because I have Only Child Syndrome, (OCS) which makes me incredibly intuitive and off-the-charts smart. You're thinking:

-Poor woman, she's delusional
-She's WRONG! I love my siblings and she missed out terribly!
-Wow, that hole in the top of the water bottle trick is genius!

Or, you are muttering all the usual blah blah blah stereotypes, such as:

-Only Children are spoiled brats
-Only Children are spoiled brats, and the famously cited stereotype,
-Only Children are spoiled brats

Well, to that I must concede, because we don't learn to share, or compromise, or have empathy quite as quickly, because we don't have to! We tend to lead rather than follow, seek to achieve, and we do very well in isolation, so if you think you're punishing us by leaving us alone, well, you're wrong.

And lastly, I bet a million fake dollars there is an Only Child reading this who totally disagrees with me, and is stubbornly refusing to read the rest of my post because they think I am ridiculous and totally wrong. Hmph! Typical...

I was reading this research paper, because I was planning on over-achieving on this post and being totally right, and I found it interesting that the paper noted that most Only Children are equally extroverted and introverted. I so agree! Because like, I am not only suffering from OCS, I also suffer from OCD due to my introversion, and tyrannical tendencies due to my extroversion. Hey, they don't call Only Children, "little dictators" for nothing! Why do you think I abuse hand sanitizer and demand that the entire soccer team use it before shaking hands after the game?? (Hellooooooo, OCS!!!)

So what does this have to do with anything? Well, I just did two posts on my fantastic kids, and I must admit, agreeing to have 2 kids initially was no easy feat. In my mind, one kid was perfect because sheesh, I was a perfect child so ya know, why ruin the trend?

But actually, my first real encounters of siblings getting along and being close was my husband with his sister, and truly I did not know siblings could have such fun and close relationships. Sure, I was told of fights and periods of distance during those tumultuous teen years, but for the first time in my life, I actually wondered what it would have been like to have a sibling and to enjoy that bond, those experiences in life that you can only share with a brother or sister. Someone that is totally a friend, and totally family, and by your side through thick and thin.

So that's when I decided that yes, having more than one child would be a great idea, and the positive benefits to the little people I was rearing in this world would outweigh the positive benefits I had as an Only Child. And these benefits for them are:

-Constantly fighting over the big comfy chair in the house, every morning
-Finding THE one toy they both MUST have at the SAME TIME which they CANNOT share
-Hiding each others tooth brushes and hoarding the sink when it's time to spit
-Screaming, "don't touch me!" and "stop it!" every 3 seconds
-Hating whatever game/movie the other one likes, and getting into a knock-down drag-out battle during the "compromising" phase
-Scrambling to grab the biggest piece of dessert
-Sharing a room, and one liking it dark and quite, the other needing a nightlight and noise.
-Gloating when the other one is in trouble, or simply placing all the blame on the other one, and
-Always always ALWAYS being in each other's bidness!!!!

Friends, this is all very hard for me to regulate, I must admit. In fact, in the beginning I deferred the regulating of these encounters to my husband, usually accompanied by the desperate question, "oh my goodness is this NORMAL?" To which he would always say, "yes Kim," and then assure me that allowing them to figure it all out themselves, short of major bodily harm, was the way to go.

Yeah...like this:

Audrey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Jacob: I had it first!
Me: WHAT IS GOING ON???
Audrey: Jacob won't share!
Jacob: It's MINE!
Me: Wait, who had it first?
Jacob: ME!
Audrey: It was on the floor!
Me: Audrey had it first?
Jacob: I was gonna play with it!
Me: When?
Jacob: I don't know, but it's MINE!
Audrey: I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Me: Look, you both need to learn to share, I-
Kids: GIMME! MINE! NO! OUCH! STOP IT! LET GO! OUCH! HEY! WAAAAAAH!
Me: OK! That's it! Give it to me! NO ONE plays with it now!
Jacob: See what you did Audrey?
Audrey: You're mean Jacob! A big dumb meanie!
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

You all, truth be told here, my OCS and OCD kick in and I can't DEAL! And, did you know just two children can take down a tyrannical dictator in a matter of seconds? You have to act fast, especially when you're dealing with a ninja and a gladiator!

Apparently, even according to Super Nanny, the answer was NOT to confiscate said object as a lesson to the children that screaming and fighting doesn't get them what they want. I was supposed to just let them work it out, teaching them compromising skills and how to stay calm in conflict.

Um, no. The lesson here, which I learned and execute well, is to restore SILENCE in the house by removing whatever is causing the problem. Because silence, and lack of conflict, are the most important parts of harmony in a household with more than one kid. That's why we no longer have games, toys, desserts, TVs, big comfy chairs or toothbrushes in our home.

Go ahead Super Nanny, put me in time out on my "naughty spot" but I know I'm right and I don't need to listen to your advice. The End.