HAPPY NEW YEAR!

WOOOHOOOO! 2010! It's a new dawn! It's a new day, it's a new life! Or whatever that Michael Bubble guy sings...

And I'm feeeeeeeeeeeeelin'...pretty ooooooooooook I guessssssssss...heh heh. But seriously, 2009 was really full of sparkly fun awesomeness!

And hey! Check out this new layout! Man! I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE it! This was the brainchild of myself and the mad-genius handi-work of my good friend who lives over here...some friends scrapbook, or knit, or cut coupons together, or get botox...we have fun doing stuff like this. It's awesome man.

So. Time for New Year's Revolutions...Revelations, er, Resolutions...yeah, that's what I meant!

Well hmmm see, I have read many posts by bloggers, already, who have either boasted some great resolutions, ya know, really admirable, but then there are others who have turned up their noses to the notion completely, and have kicked the resolutions to the curb like their old, dry Christmas trees (I still have my tree). Idealists versus realists...I get it...

And, some have reflected on the past year, or, highlighted their favorite posts of the year. I wish I would have thought of that sooner...

So, I have decided to do something a tad different, basically because I couldn't think of anything else to say/do.

I have decided to post resolutions of things I already do or don't do, in order to claim that I am resolved to do something, and since I already don't do or do them, I will automatically be successful for the entire year, which is like, major bonus, makes-me-look-good-in-front-of-other-people good stuff, right? OK, so, here we go, My 2010 New Years Resolution List:

1. I will not pick my nose and eat it.

2. I will shower at least twice a week.

3. I will not grow a third arm, although it might be helpful...

4. I will use snazzy exclamations like, "Blarging Cripes!" and, "CRAZAP!" to entertain you all.

5. I will blog at least twice a week, and comment on your blogs when I can, with giggle-inducing comments that just like, make your day and compel you to send me gifts.

6. I will seriously consider the thought of exercising.

7. I will not plan a trip to go bungee jumping, deep sea diving, or get a tattoo above my buttcrack.

8. I will use deodorant whenever I leave the house. And I will leave the house.

9. I will put on my seatbelt while in a moving vehicle. If I see a stop sign, I will stop.

10. I will continue to be scared of Tom Cruise and bats, the flying kind.

11. I will get on Facebook every day and click the "like" button on tons of statuses that I uh, like, and I will play Scrabble, and take a quiz, or ten...

12. I will take awesome pictures of all the freaky scary bugs that lurk outside and in my home, and share them with you all.

13. I will use a meat thermometer, always. In meat, that is...

14. I will love on my family and give thanks to the Lord above everyday for my life.

15. I will not read any of the Twilight books.

16. I will not, in a fit of rage, grab the garden sheers and cut my own hair. Wait...

17. I will continually use copious amounts of hand sanitizer and be freaked out by salad bars, airplane toilets and escalator railings.

18. I will pluck my eyebrows so I don't look like Bert from Sesame Street.

19. I will eat fruits and veggies, sometimes without Ranch dressing...

and...

20. I will continue to be blissfully insane!

Happy 2010 Ya'all!

Peace out!

I'm Totally Freaking Out about Throwing the Christmas Tree Out

I am conflicted, ya'all...

See, I grew up with a fake tree. My whole life, I experienced the beginning of the Christmas season by watching my parents haul out a big, beat-up box from the garage. And of course, this mangled box held a plastic, green puzzle of branches, that when placed on a big, color coded stick, became our Christmas tree. For me this was simply part of the tradition you just don't mess with, especially when you have animals that might eat/climb up/pee on the tree.

So when I met my hubby, back when we were teenagers, his first experience with a fake tree happened to be with us. Obviously it was true love, because he laughed, hysterically, the whole time we put the tree together, which for a happy memory did not make. The color coded branches sent him over the edge, as did the rash he acquired from digging around to get the right branch for the right row, yet none of my practical reasoning stopped the guffawing or endless scratching...I think I got a watch that year...

Anyway. Once we got married, he conceded to the fake tree tradition, and wearing long-sleeves, since I probably whined and complained and claimed that the chemicals they spray on real trees can cause facial paralysis. I also complained about pine needles, tree sap, fire hazards and the potential of a Black Widow or a rabid squirrel lurking in the thick branches, waiting to bite my hand as I added the candy canes.

And of course you couldn't compare the tree we had back when I was a kid, that was from the 70's, to the new, 8-foot-tall beautiful LETTER coded tree that stood in our home for many years. I mean, now they even come pre-lit. That removes a half-hour of tree work right there!

So once we moved into this tiny apartment, I realized we had no place to store a fake tree, and so for a few years we had little fake trees...until this year. Yes everyone, I conceded to having a real tree...

See across the street they have a seasonal outdoor nursery, and, they have those farmed trees, all beautiful and stuff, AND they have an open fire, to roast marshmallows, hot cider, music playing and a REAL LIVE nativity scene! Doesn't that right there scream,"get a real tree you silly woman!"??

So, it was like this: eat marshmallows, stare at the goats, walk around and check out the trees. Then it was time to haggle.

Me: "Do these trees have chemicals?"
Guy: "Nope"
Me: "Spiders?"
Guy: "Eh?"
Me: "Squirrels?"
Guy: "What??"

So we left with a pretty Oregon tree on the roof of our car. How iconic! Or ironic, not sure which...

When we got home I googled real Christmas trees to learn everything you need to know about hosting a real pine tree in the house. And, it goes like this: water the tree. N'uff said.

So I have enjoyed the very VERY strong pine scent it has emitted for the past 5 weeks, and I have also enjoyed watering it, talking to it, inspecting the needles, and not using Neosporin on my forearms from the usual rash I too get from the fake tree branches.

Now Christmas is over. I am supposed to throw it out.

I don't want to.

It's still fresh! Pretty! Barely a needle has fallen off! I want to will it to grow roots! I want to plant it! I know it's already basically dead in its stand but I WANT IT TO LIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

I want to put it on our patio and water it. Hubby thinks that's a tad, um, tacky.

Audrey suggested we put it in the closet. Interesting, and to her really, that's where trees go when we are done with them.

Jacob wants to recycle it, as he wants to recycle everything we own; he faithfully checks every plastic and paper container for its recycle number, while telling me we must save the environment or else. I must seriously get a donation into PBS...they do some great educating I tell ya...

So I looked up recycling. And it's not the blissful image I had, of driving our tree to some beautiful open area, where it happily decomposes with its brothers and sisters, providing nourishment for woodland creatures and the soil...nope. You just stick it next to the garbage can and apparently they recycle it for you.

SOB!

Why am I getting all choked up about this?

So, I know these trees are grown for this purpose, and I know they can and do recycle them for you. Sheesh it's not that much different than buying flowers and throwing them out, but man, I feel like I am flushing a hamster down the toilet or something, let alone $59...

What do you all do? Fake or real? Do any of you freak out like me, or am I just hormonal?

Sigh...

Goodbye tree. I love you.

Turkey Stuffing Soup

So, sick of leftovers yet?

I know many of you all had prime rib or ham for Christmas (I don't understand you), but I also know there are a select few of us out there who do a repeat of the fantastic, tried and true, traditional turkey and stuffing dinner instead. I can't help it; I am pretty sure I am addicted to turkey, in a seasonal way of course...I mean, just because I am obsessing about turkey come mid-August, and I jump around, maniacally giggling, telling people how much I love turkey doesn't mean I have serious problems or anything...

So anyway, some of you may be tired of opening the fridge and seeing the mounds of leftovers, and the thought of zapping another meal in the microwave makes you almost gag (again, I do not relate) and so, if you are too exhausted to make turkey pate, or you're out of bread for turkey sandwiches, or you only have dark meat left and you're a "white meat only" kinda person ( I'm sure you're nice but you're a CRAZY person!) Do this, 'cause you probably have all this stuff still lurking in your fridge somewhere if you look hard enough ...

To a big soup pot, add equal parts chicken stock and water until pot is halfway full. I doubt you still have the carcass, but if you do (gross!) boil that baby instead!

Cut up carrots, celery, leeks and red onion and throw that in. How ever much you want, don't get all technical on me.

Throw in a bay leaf and a dash of sage, thyme and parsley, and salt and pepper to taste. DON'T EAT THE BAY LEAF! Seriously!

Throw the left over turkey in, and any gravy/drippings that might be left and bring to a boil, then let simmer until veggies are tender.

Then, you know that old, getting waaaaaay too crusty stuffing you have left over? Well, you can either loosely break it up into huge chunks or if you have kids, have them roll it into balls. Serve the soup with the stuffing chunks/balls thrown in, just like dumplings!

By the way, throwing your ingredients into the pot is way fun. Trust me.

I'm no Martha, and psh, yeah, this recipe is on the internet in a bazillion different versions (really, did you think I was capable of original thought?) even like, all amazingly decked out on the Food Network site, but I threw this little soup together one year, thinking I was all original and amazing, and, it was a hit! I usually like to throw in some gooey mac and cheese on the side, and I always make sure I make extra cranberry relish to have as the pallet cleanser. Please don't throw the cranberry relish. It stains. Trust me.

So here's to never having an original thought and hey! Only 11 months until the next Thanksgiving Turkey Day! Woooohooo!

Having a Great Christmas Day

We are having a great day! Are you? The kids woke up LATE and in a VERY good mood!

Yay for Christmas Morning! The kiddos were SO excited! And they definitely showed it!

Looking back on this Holiday season, I am feeling so blessed to have been involved in some great ministry work, truly fun service, that our children were fully involved in as well! I had my first real tree, a fantastic Thanksgiving with friends, uber easy mall shopping experiences, and oh yeah, I got this...


Wooohoooo! I love it! Don't look at my pale, hairy hand, with the oven burn on the middle last knuckle...just marvel at the pretty pretty pink sparkly ring...good job hon, good job...

And love to you all, bloggy friends! This year has been a fantastic one! Here's to an amazing and fun 2010!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

"Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'." ~ Bing Crosby

"The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing each others' loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas." ~ W.C. Jones

"Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect." ~ Oren Arnold

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more." ~ Dr. Seuss

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love." ~ Hamilton Wright Mabie

"There is no name so sweet on earth, no name so sweet in heaven. The name, before His wondrous birth, to Christ the Savior given." ~ George W. Bethun

"Open your presents at Christmastime but be thankful year round for the gifts you receive." ~Lorinda Ruth Lowen

"Fail not to call to mind, in the course of the 25th of this month, that the Divinest Heart that ever walked the earth was born on that day; and then smile and enjoy yourselves for the rest of it; for mirth is also of Heaven's making." ~Leigh Hunt

"At Christmas a man is at his finest towards the finish of the year; He is almost what he should be when the Christmas season's here; Then he's thinking more of others than he's thought the months before, And the laughter of his children is a joy worth toiling for. He is less a selfish creature than at any other time; When the Christmas spirit rules him he comes close to the sublime..."
~Edgar Guest

"The Church does not superstitiously observe days, merely as days, but as memorials of important facts. Christmas might be kept as well upon one day of the year as another; but there should be a stated day for commemorating the birth of our Saviour, because there is danger that what may be done on any day, will be neglected. " ~Samuel Johnson

"Keep your Christmas-heart open all the year round." ~Jessica Archmint

A Moment of Realization...

My children, for the life of them, cannot be in the same room, or occupy the same airspace, without eventually resorting to a sibling face-off of poking, pushing, prompting, provoking, talking-to, taunting, tickling, teasing, touching, testing, torturing, meddling, mind-playing, mocking, manipulating, complaining, copying, coercing, crying-about, calling names, laughing at, lying to, fighting, debating, arguing, accusing, blaming, and/or wrestling, which basically drives me completely and utterly insane. ARGH! Where in the world do they get these exacerbating tendencies?!?!?!

Then, one night, as I tackled my husband to yank his boxers over his head for gettin' in my airspace and attempting to tie my sweat pant strings into tiny little knots I realized...

Insanity Mondays

ACK! Monday is almost over! I missed it! How in the hey did I miss it?

Awwww, look! Green Monster borrowed Angry Kitty's Christmas outfit for Insanity Monday! How sweet!

Wait, does this post still count? It's not even bedtime in Alaska so, yes.

But you Australians, you are disappointed I know. Yeah, all none of you.


I have no idea what happened to the weekend. I'll blame the black hole.

No...I think it's because I spent the entire time at THE MALL!

Yeah, our Sunday jaunt went well too. We took the kids and traded them halfway so everyone could have something bought by each of us for them.

What did I just type?

Jacob even got to be a "ninja spy" when we realized that Hubs and Audge were in GAP too, so we hid behind the sweaters and the mannequins and had the lady, who was helping them, steer them away from us as we ran to another register to buy our stuff and get the heckzack outta there before they saw us.

Oh man what if Josh reads this...oh well.

I was there again today, ya know...not GAP but, the mall...

They named the wing between Dillards and Sears after me.

I GOT MY RING! Well, I picked it out, and then called my husband, and then I ran away, and he went to the store and bought it, and then we met back up at the recliners where people over 60 sit.

My kids think I don't know about getting the ring I asked for.

Can you have Buyer's Remorse for something you actually didn't buy?

Is it bad that I want to sneak over and unwrap it, and wear it? I mean, I have to wait a whole 11 days...

OH! OH! OH! I had an awesome idea ya'all! I am gonna go to budget101.com and copy all the easy bake recipes and make a little recipe book to go with the Easy Bake oven Audge is getting! So I am gonna make something cute AND save money! Wow.

Did I ever mention that I have a zit on EACH eyelid? Tell me, please, WHO gets zits on their eyelids, and yes, one on EACH eyelid at the same time? WHO? ME! THAT'S WHO! By the way, if you ever get zits on your eyelids, for the love of all things pure and sacred, do not try to squeeze them!

So...Tomorrow starts the crazy baking, ornament painting, and jewelry making. Just you wait ya'all, it's gonna be goooooooooooooooooood.

My Christmas Shopping Experience Totally Freaked Me Out

I am really confused ya'all, actually, freaked out.

See, I went shopping this weekend with my family. Christmas shopping. And it was...weird.

We started at Toys R Us. It.was.slammed; I witnessed people wildly snatching toys off shelves like toilet paper if like, they were told toilet paper factories imploded simultaneously around the world, and the secret recipe for making toilet paper was lost. Forever.

Our main task was to find gifts for kids we were buying for through the Salvation Army program. Josh and Jacob, in fine men fashion, were done in 20 seconds flat. Psh.

Me and Audge? Well, it just wasn't that easy. See, we were looking for Hanna Montana stuff.

Now, correct me if I am wrong, because there is nothing Hanna Montana in our house but, isn't her stuff supposed to be like, EVERYWHERE? Isn't there Hanna Montana toilet paper for pete's sake? Really. I figured this was a no-brainer, like I would find a plethora of shirts, and toys, and stickers, and socks, and designer lipsticks, and cups, and dolls, and trinkets, and bling, and all sorts of completely nauseating commercialized items. Well, there was a wig. And a coin purse. And a wig. Oh and some fake makeup. And, a wig. And a microphone. And...a wig. What's going on people? I just stood there like, hoping something would magically appear behind the Jonas Brothers lunchbox or the High School Musical tote bag. I said, probably too loudly, "there HAS to be more than this junk and this stupid wig somewhere in this blarging store!" I dragged my poor daughter around the whole store. Twice. I was beyond confused and disappointed. We had to settle on the Hanna Montana movie, and, a pocket book. (By the way, the Disney Store didn't have anything either, was she in some scandal recently that I wasn't clued into?)

Anyway, I think half of the city was at Toys R Us, and, with their carts piled sky-high with Plastic Joy (they all had the cool HM items I bet) I totally expected to be in line for 2 hours while registers broke down, price checks were made for angry soccer moms with 20 coupons, exact change was counted out by sweet grandmas, and the debit card machines blew up. But instead, the check out lane opened up next to me, and...I let the woman in front of me, with the towering cart of toys, go before me. Yes I did. And guess what? When I was next in my line, the cashier DIDN'T ask me for my phone number, she DIDN'T ask me if I wanted to save 20% on my purchase by filling out a credit card form, AND I received a $5 coupon for my transaction. Whoa.

Next was, The Mall. Hold on to your hats. We found a parking space not too far from the entrance. Bizarre.

Now, when I am alone, the mall is OK. I don't mind it. However, with my kids, during the peak of Christmas season, I am slightly on edge, because while they are getting better with age, Jacob still flings spastic, karate-like moves in any direction he so chooses, and Audge is always disoriented and distracted, as she smacks into every person in her vicinity. But, this time, they did...OK. It was, um, weird.















They were allowed to spend the $5 their grandparents gave them. Jacob made a mad karate-infused dash toward the video game shop. He brought in 3 used games and his 5 bucks, eyeballing the one Metroid game he has been hoping to purchase for over for 2 weeks, which for someone his age apparently equates to 2000 years. Getting the attention of the pierced gal working there, he handed over the games and, seriously, holding his 5 bucks, he patiently waited while she checked all the games and looked them up for trade-in value. In many ways it wasn't that hard to wait. I was digging the thumping disco-tech music and game previews, and while I admired the white Christmas tree with the purple lights, and bopped around to the music like the sad, 35-year-old weirdo woman that I am, I decided that aside from being a candy maker, working in a video game store is definitely the coolest job on the planet.

And, to our delight, once she was done she looked at Jacob and his 5 bucks and said, "well, I can only give you 5 dollars for these 3 games you brought in BUT...since you were so patient, I will knock 7 bucks off this game, and, with your 5 dollar trade-in credit, you only owe $4.99!" I wanted to cry. I didn't have to use my debit card and he was so excited he could afford the game! After that we got some lemonade and walked around, not once being attacked by a crazy person manning a hot rock or flat iron kiosk. Audrey bought a dancing snowman with her money, and, I got excellent coupons to Borders, thanks to her purchase.

I have nothing seriously negative to report, especially since I obviously don't care for Hanna Montana and her lack of commercialized crazap at Toys R Us. But, because of all this, I am pretty sure I have fallen into a black hole and landed in another universe. Don't ya think?

Ginormous Cocktail Rings and Funny Flashbacks

Hey all! Guess what? This is my weekend of CHRISTMAS SHOPPING MADNESS! Well, actually, I will go today, and Monday. Ya know, to avoid crowds...I think...I usually do my shopping on Amazon or something so, I am sure this will be interesting.

So this year, hubby really wants to open gifts. For us that is. Like from wrapping paper, things that are surprises and things we put on lists and stuff. The kids open millions of course. We usually just buy what we need and we're all, "yeah, we like that", see? So during dinner he said, "what do you want?"

*blink blink*

Me: "Want? What does, 'want' mean? I know what I need, I need new towels, shower curtain, rug for the kitchen, winter boots, a coat rack for all the coats that don't fit in the closet, oh and a shoe rack for all those stinkin' shoes, and a vacuum filter..."

Josh: "Kim, what do you want?"

Me: "Well, what's the dollar amount?"

Josh: "Don't worry about that..."

Me: *worrying anyway* "Well then, what I want is this."

Josh: *blinks* "Really?"

Me: "Yes."

Josh: "Jewelry huh? OK..."

Let's see if he reads this post...ya know, so he remembers his, "OK"...heh heh...

But, for now, it's time for you all to enjoy...

FANTASTIC FLASHBACK FRIDAY FUNNESS!!

Awww look at Angry Kitty this week! All festive and full of Christmas spirit!

OK so, this post was a favorite last year to about 3 people. I am posting it again because 1. my kids have already started their singing, and I totally dropped the ball on doing an advent calendar with the kids, and I feel like a complete loser. I shall make up for it will copious amounts of cookie making. I hope. So here you are! Enjoy and have a great weekend ya'all!

The Holidays do weird things to me; I start to feel “creative”. I am not too talented in this department, though, Martha Stewart would certainly not approve. But, because I try to allow creative, crafty thoughts to enter my head, every so once in a while I will explode with what I think is a fantastic idea.

Now, when I try to be crafty in the summer or fall, especially for homeschooling, the results are often shameful. Take for instance this past fall when I thought it would be a great idea to take the kids out and gather natural materials to make bird's nests. During our walk on that sunny afternoon we collected sticks, leaves, hay, and whatever else we thought we could use, as I talked about the different materials, where birds might build their nests, and how long it must take for a bird (uh…a FEMALE bird, the guy basically just sits around and sings) to make her home, as her beak is tiny and she can’t pick up a lot of material like we can. So nature lesson, vitamin D, and materials acquired, we walked back home to assemble cute little bird's nests. Yeah, right…

I started with the idea that we would glue the sticks and what-not to the sides of a paper bowl, just to have a base. OK, three problems right off the bat: sticks are straight, bowls are round, and my kids have an extreme aversion to glue. As the sticks fell off again and again, my kids began to freak out and focus on the glue drying on their hands. They ignored the mess on the table they had made and started frantically picking glue off their fingers. At this point, my own frustrations led me to think that the home-made play dough I made for them would be a great substitute for the bowl, and no glue would be necessary. Well, I have a lot to write here so let’s just cut to the chase ok? It looked like I took purple play dough, threw it outside, and kicked it around a bit and said, “look, kids, a bird's nest!” No, I do not have a picture of that. I normally don’t like to record my mistakes that way… Let’s just fast forward to the Holidays, OK?

My main focus is setting up wonderful family traditions and peppering them with just enough crafts to make the season fun, but not so much that I pull my hair out and have to move furniture around to make space to put them all. Cookies turn out pretty well, like these here. Easy enough, I just downloaded tons of recipes from the Internet and got to work with the kids. They loved it. Stained glass, candy canes, triple chocolate chunk, log rolls, coconut thingies…all good…so good, in fact, I braved massive snowstorms to drop them off at people’s homes. Oh yeah, I went all out.

My favorite tradition/creative idea (which I actually took from my mother-in-law) is making a birthday cake for Jesus, which we have, candle included, on Christmas day. I bake a white Bundt cake and dump tons of red food coloring in (I’m sure that’s healthy) then I cover it with white frosting. We sing that song about birthdays being happy, and we eat the cake, talking about how the white represents Jesus’ purity and the red represents the blood he shed for us when he died on the cross for our sins. The kids quite often want to give Jesus gifts, so that is where I explain that when we are giving to others in need, during this season and all through the year, we are actually giving to him. As of late they have been busy picking out toys of their own to give to the gift drive coming up at our church. They are wrapping them, with tin foil, and adding ribbon. They are having a blast.

So this year, more so than other years, I have heard lots of people talking about Advent calendars. Well, that is something I haven’t implemented until now! And, again, in the spirit of saving money, an idea exploded from my head. No, not just a light bulb, a nuclear blast, right from my head!

I have a hard time throwing away Christmas cards we receive, and often just pack them away with all the decorations come January. So, I decided, I would make an Advent calendar using the cards from last year! Oh, I was so proud of myself! No one could possibly get hurt doing that, right??? Here’s what happened…

I set out all the materials, and the rules: no running with scissors, no dripping glue on the carpet, no stepping on any of the materials, and NO complaining! We laid all the cards out and set up our stations; Jacob cut the cards, Audrey glued them to red paper, and I cut them out with a border. Not too bad…

2 minutes in: Jacob started singing the tune, “Jingle Bells” to the last word of every sentence I said, for example, “Jacob, don’t do that! “ “THAT THAT THAT! THAT THAT THAT! THAT THAT THAT, THAT THAAAAAAAAAT!”

2 ½ minutes in: Audrey announced she is tired of gluing, that her hand hurts, and she sat on the couch to pick glue off her hands.

3 minutes in: Jacob found the card that plays all the Christmas songs. He announced this should be the last card we “open” on the calendar (good idea!) and proceeded to sit with the card and sing all the songs, shirking his cutting duties.

4 minutes in: I have already said these things several times; “Audrey, keep going, and put the glue on the edges of the cards!”; “Jacob put the music card down!”; “Audrey, stop picking your fingers!”; “Jacob, PUT DOWN THE CARD!” I snatched the card away as he started singing, “CARD CARD CARD! CARD CARD CARD…”

5 minutes in: Jacob nearly head-butted my scissors several times as he bent over to pick up more cards.

6 minutes in: Audrey was back to picking glue off her fingers.

7 minutes in: Most of the cards were glued to red paper, of which we had none left so we had to get “creative”.

8 minutes in: Jacob yelled, “I have itchy spots!” Still not really sure what he was talking about…

9 minutes in: Jacob snatched the singing card away from under my knee. I threatened that the card would be “broken” if he didn’t leave it alone until Christmas Day. Audrey had lost all interest.

10 minutes in: Audrey was dazed on the couch, complaining that her hand still hurt, Jacob was running back and forth from the garbage to the living room, throwing away useless scraps, singing, “TRASH TRASH TRASH! TRASH TRASH TRASH! TRASH TRASH TRASH, TRASH TRAAAAAAAAAAASH!”

20 minutes later: Kids were off somewhere as I tried to finish placing the cards on the green poster board and adding the border.

Here’s what we came up with . I still have to attach the bible verses under the cards, and number each card, but, you get the idea. OK so, in my mind it looked FANTASTIC! And, actually, I am sure others could do a much better job, like making pockets, or doing a mobile, or using all musical cards or whatever. But, even if this example is merely a template of what others could do, the sentiment is still what is most important to me. I have finished picking out 24 verses to put under each card and will paste them under each card. I am excited to explore a verse a day with them, verses that cover everything from praising God, to loving/helping others, and becoming more Christ-like.

So there ya go! No one was hurt, I barely lost my mind, I recycled Christmas cards, we will get some bible time in each day, and now the kids won’t have to ask, “when is it gonna be Christmas?” every two minutes.

EMERGENCY 911 STAT!

So I was peeking around my blog when I realized...

THIS IS MY 200th POST!

Man...how time flies when you're banging out hysterical nonsense on a laptop.

So, here now, to celebrate, are 200 VERY important things about me that I must tell you all, and you must all know.

...

I really want to take a nap.

Because of this, let's skip 1-190, or so, and get to the end.

OK so...the winner of my giveaway for the sweet sweet ponytail holders, made by wendiwinn on etsy, is Vaverine! She has 3 days to contact me so, even though you lost, you may still have a chance to win, especially if you hack her account and delete the congratulatory email I sent. But don't do that. I'll tell. Oh yes I will. Congrats Vaverine!

Also, it's been a while since I have handed out any awards, and well, there are some new-to-me blogs I have been reading lately, and some blogs I just love, that I want to shout about. It's my 200th post so, I do what I want.


I would like to give the Crazy Chicken Zombie Award to the following amazing bloggers because, basically, I would brave a mob of angry crazy chicken zombies to get to a computer to read each and every one of their posts, so I can laugh or freak or say "ooooo" or whatever. And leave a witty comment. I would be brave, you know, like, in a post-apocalyptic world, where zombies stumble around, losing limbs, and you're holed up in a bar, with your 12 gauge, flame thrower, chain saw and tons of Beefeater? But see, the only working computer is in a coffee shop you blew up, partially, to kill zombies? So, the zombies have been biting chickens, now there are crazy zombie chickens all over the place, clucking and screaming and doing the Thriller Dance, all while threatening to kill you as you run over to the coffee shop to log on, desperately wishing the espresso machine still worked as well? Anyway, here you all go, you lucky ducks, go read, go follow, and to the recipients yeah, you're welcome!

Wendiwinn
Much More Than Mommy
Speaking From The Crib
How to Survive Life in the Suburbs
Sounds Like Tomatoes
Adventures With Edward
E3P2S
The Lost in Suburbia Blog
Diary of a Mad Bathroom

and, last but not least,
Hey Lola

And see, Hey Lola is having this um, freaking amazing giveaway for her drool-all-over-yourself esty shop. She is giving away a $100 gift card to her shop! It ends tomorrow! I WANT TO WIN! These are my favorites:

And nothing would be better than her posting, soon, because it's been forever. No wait, winning this giveaway, that would be even better, though, her posting is good too...

So yay to me! I love blogging, and thinking, and writing, and I love love LOVE all your comments, so please make my day brighter! Comment! It's like having a garden, where I plant and water, and you all are my flowers, growing up all purty for me to enjoy when I get an email notification that you wrote me something. Deepness.

Peace out ya'all!

Insanity Mondays

So, I have never watched the show, I barely know any more than what the headlines blab, but, why I am strangely OK with Kate's hair style? Is something terribly wrong with me? I mean, do none of you sort of cock your head and say, "mmmm, I dunno, it's kind of OK"? By all accounts I should hate it, really. It makes no sense, like wearing socks on your ears, or meatloaf with marshmallows, or a Marilyn Manson Christmas album. But, still...there's something about this look. If my husband reads this, he will be praying, on his knees, that I come no where near a hair salon, or the garden sheers, any time soon...

Sometimes I pick up my jeans, and I can just tell they are gonna be tight. Can you do that too? It's like my eyes are tuned into my backside, connected somehow. And other days, I look at them and say, yep, these are totally zipping up today! And, they do! It's amazing. I doubt it has nothing to do with putting on size 9 one day, and then the size 11 pair the next...

Yes, I am still wearing Junior sizes (help me!)

I spontaneously bought a turkey at the store yesterday. It wasn't on my list, I wasn't in a fog, and no one pushed it on me, like with a great sales price or the gift of a free meat thermometer. Before I could think I hurled the frozen Butterball into the cart and went on my way.

Do you ever want to just take up every kiosk offer in the mall?

"Yes! Please give me a deep tissue massage for 20 bucks! Where is the paper towel to cover the face hole?"

"Yes! Please flat-iron one side of my hair! Then I will buy a 20 dollar straightener that will burn out the second I plug it in at home!"

"Yes! I'll take the red wig please for 20 bucks! Can I flat-iron it?"

"Of COURSE I want my eyebrows tweezed, with dental floss, in front of everyone! I'll take the Cleopatra shape for 20 bucks, please..."

"YES! I want a sample of your fudge, that has been collecting mall germs while sitting out for the past three hours! Go ahead, hand it to me with your fingers..."

"What? My skin looks dry? Certainly I do want some moisturizer slathered over my foundation and blush, use your bare hands please..."

"My acne? Sure I'll let you zap a few zits with that weird electronic thing, that is most likely not emitting harmful gamma rays, since you are clearly a professional...the moisturizer people were just making the zits worse."

"A make-over? Yes! And please use your finger to double dip into that chunky pink cherry gloss you want to put on my lips, ya know the stuff you just used on that guy over there, getting his septum pierced by that 15-year-old girl..."

"Hot rocks? Yes! please lay them all over me while you drag me over to your kiosk! Got any for 20 bucks?"

"Win a trip to Hawaii and get SOME of the expenses paid? And receive tons of junk mail and nightly phone call solicitations? You just spoke my love language! Where do I sign up?"

"A hermit crab with a painted shell? Give me 10 for 20 bucks!"

Sigh. Why are all the vibrating chairs always in use?

Petting Zoos will Kill...Your Ability to Take Awesome Photos

OK, so you all know I have an awesome camera and I take photos like an addict takes meth, seriously. And, it takes pictures like this:

Aaaaaaaaaaaand like this:

Awww dang, I have to stare at that for a minute, that is a gooooood pic!

Um, what? Yes. I take pictures of bugs. How long have you hung out here?

Anyway...

So we went to a fun festival this past weekend with good friends, which consists of a 15,000 light show, viewed while driving through the horse park, ending in the museum with food, booths, model train sets, history of horses and stuff and things, and...outside in front...a petting zoo...

OK, OK wait, here's a light pic:

12 Days of Christmas. Awesome. Moving on.

So, if you frequent here, you also know that I am freaked out by germs and I use copious amounts of hand sanitizer, better known as "liquid fire", to kill whatever is on the hands of myself or my family or anyone in my proximity. I am not biased; if you are dirty, I will douse you.

SO of course you also know (well, maybe not) that any and every time we have frequented a fair or outdoor event that has a petting zoo, I will not, will NOT, allow my kids within 20 feet of it. All I can think of is animal sick ick pookey blech disease smelly anthrax yuck! Yes, I just said anthrax. The way I see it, is we are one step away from this kind of exposure:

OH GACK!

Now, while I realize this is not sane, remember I have never claimed to be sane, nor have I based any of my decisions/actions on sanity. I just don't roll like that. My poor kids, well, Audrey anyway, has been denied the simple pleasure of loving on cute little farm animals. See, this is what my influence has done to my son:


See that face of "GACK!"?? He did not want to be anywhere near the giraffe.

But on this night, we were with friends, who are great, and own a farm. And they raise goats, horses, and other four legged creatures. So, I knew, it was time to finally venture in and brave the petting zoo. I figured at least I would get some fantastic pictures of my daughter finally getting her wish of petting barnyard animals...so, here we go, pictures with commentary of our experience in the petting zoo...

ACK! WHAT THE FRICK IS THAT?!?! RUN JACOB! RUN!

BLARGING CRIPES! CAMEL! CAMEL COMING AT MY FACE! NOOOOOOOO!

WAIT IS THAT A CHICKEN? A COW? IT'S BREAKING THROUGH THE WIRE! DON'T LET IT TOUCH MEEEEEEEEEE!

Oh ok...baby goats are cute. Feed them. Yes. Baby goats never hurt anyone....sanitize your-

ACK! IT'S BUCKING! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!!!

BLAAAAAGAGGAMAMAMMA! DEMON LLAMA!

It'sgonnabitemeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTHRAX!

AUDREY RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIFE! WAAAAAAAAAIT! GET SOME PURRRRELLLL!

And, after all of that, I let her do this:

Her hands were dry, cracked and bloody, she might have even been a little tipsy, but I tell you, she had fun. The pics prove it. I am exhausted. The end.