Meat on a Stick is Under-rated...

I am SO SICK of dishes. I mean it!!! My threshold is GONE! *eating carpet fibers* I prepare at least 3 meals a day and thus I rarely see the bottom of my sink. *pulling out eyelashes* I run the dishwasher two times nearly everyday, and that's even with reusing/rinsing dishes that aren't that dirty! Dishes are a thorn in the side of my loungingness! *banging my head against the wall*

Everything goes on a plate, or in a bowl, and you use forks, spoons, knives, WASTE! WASTE! All that garbage you don't need filling your sink and ruining your life!!!!!

I don't want to endure. I can't endure! I gotta think of something else. I must stop this viscous cycle! *brain gears begging for grease to start turning*

STICKS! That's IT!!!

YES! I am serving all of our meat on sticks now! I'm just gonna jab it right from the pan I am cooking in and hand it to my family. Chicken on a stick, hamburgers impaled with sticks, fish sticks on sticks, steak on a stick, shrimp skewered on sticks. Spam on a stick. Yep...no plates, just balance your meal on a stick man...if it drops on the floor, consider that a great way to cut calories and feed the dog.

Potatoes? On a stick. Carrots? They ARE sticks! Apples? Stabbed. Grapes? Lined up on a stick, baby!

It gets better!

Cereal? Dip the stick in honey, dip the honey stick in the box. Done.

Pasta? Get two sticks, knit yourself a pasta scarf, mitten or sock. Fill the sock with sauce. Eat it.

Rice? Well HELLO! Chop sticks! (duh!) But wait...you have to eat the rice directly from the rice cooker or pot. Yeah.

Ice cream? You can buy it ON A STICK!

Popcorn? Pick it up with STICKS!

Soup? I haven't figured that one out yet, except to slurp it directly from the pot you cooked it in, with a straw, which is a stick...

My goal is to use one pan and one pot per day. And 50 million sticks. And then, I am gonna THROW THE BLASTED STICKS AWAY!!!!

As you can see this isn't entirely thought out, basically because I am completely and utterly delirious from doing so many dishes, but...I think I am on to something...

I'm Not Me if I Don't Talk about SPIDERS!

I would say that my blog, over the past two years, has received the most hits from people searching the word, "spiders" or the words, "big, hairy spiders" or, "freaking scary spiders"...why, you ask?

Well, because...

ACK!

and...

ACK!

and...

GACK!

and...

FOR THE LOVE!

and...

FLIPPIN' WOLF SPIDER ABOVE MY HEAD!

and...

APPLE PIE!

and...

BLARGING FRIGGIN CRIPES!

What does apple pie have to do with anything? Nothing, just trying to give you a break from freaking out over freaking scary spiders. Plus, that was a great apple pie! And that last pic, that's my dad's tarantula, Spidey, that I bought him...for Christmas...moving on...

So see, when I first got here, I was totally freaked out by spiders, like, hyper-ventilating, levitating, scream-at-the-top-of-my-lungs freaked out! And I really wasn't sure I could survive in a place where black widows and brown recluse ran amok...

But now I am so over it!

OK, OK...so if a spider were crawling on me right now I would totally wig-out and knock my laptop and coffee over and scream and claw at my skin and probably break my hip BUT...as I am writing this let me tell you, I am so over being scared of spiders! Case in point...

I get home today and the hubby looks at me quite seriously.

Hubby: "Look what's in the glass in the kitchen. You're not gonna like it!"

Me: *Dashes over to glass thinking it's a flea* "Oh, it's a spider."

Hubby: "Yeah but look at it!"

Me: "Yeeeeeeeah? It's a spider! It's not a black widow! It's too small and no markings!"

Hubby: "Nooooo...it's that brown recluse thing!"

Me: *Peering into the glass* "Nah. It's just one of those ordinary garden orb-weaver thingies. There's no violin markings."

Hubby: "You sure?" *Pointing to the spider chart on the computer*

Me: "Pshyeah I'm sure! Brown recluse are bigger and lighter colored and not so bulb-like!"

Hubby: "So, you're not worried about that one either?" *Pointing to spider web in corner of kitchen floor*

Me: "Heck no! It's got a pill bug see? It's helping me!"

Hubby: "Well, I am sure company wouldn't be happy to see spiders all over the house."

Me: " Well of course I would remove them before people come over! Besides, he's helping me keep the place tidy for now."

And with that y'all, I took the spider in the glass, and dropped him right on my kitchen floor. ON PURPOSE. He crawled right over into the corner, happy as a clam, or, um, a spider. For the week he will help me capture anything else in the house I don't want. Unless it's a bat. And if there is a bat well then that's a whole different story!

So you see, I have grown, changed, bonded with arachnids, all for the greater good. I'm so awesome.

Forget-Me-Not

Spring has sprung! Don't forget to enjoy the little things in life...

We Have A Winner!!

DONETTA!!! YOU WON! DO A HAPPY DANCE IMMEDIATELY!

I must say Donetta, your bubble baths, if you take them, just got %100 awesome-er. Actually, any place in your home that you set your new Scentsy flameless candle wax warmer is gonna be awesome-er! I bet before we know it, you have Scentsy warmers EVERYWHERE in your house, poppin' up everywhere like cute, little cinnamon scented bunnies! (She wants to try the cinnamon vanilla scent y'all, mmmmmmm!)

So if you didn't win, truly I am sorry. You missed out man, you did. The Random Number Generator hates me too...

BUT WAIT! Don't fret! I have many more amazing reviews/giveaways coming this spring! They're all fantastically fantastic so come back soon to enter and read even MORE insanity!

WOOOOHOOOO!

I Know, You've Had a Hard Day...

If you took the time to do --click it!---> THIS <--click it!--- then maybe the next time you have a hard day you can fill up this...

And add some moisturizing, relaxing


Pour yourself a smooth glass of


And/ OR get two or 10 pieces of


Turn on your favorite


Turn off the bright annoying


And TURN ON your prize...

Then submerge your tired body in silky bubbles and enjoy the luxurious scents and soft subtle lighting of your Scentsy Candle, and float away into...

...total bliss! Hurry! It ends sooooooooooon!

What? Who Is That Annoying Parent Screaming on the Soccer Field? It's Me...

I bet most of you, with children between the ages of 4 and 12, find yourself parked in a fold-up chair with a coffee and a camera, on a lumpy, crowded soccer field, with other coffee-sipping, camera wielding parents, for about 8 consecutive Saturdays in the spring and fall. Am I right? Of course I am.

And, I bet most of you would like to pound that parent who yells and screams the ENTIRE game into a rabbit hole, wouldn't you? I am right again. I know it. Because...

I am that parent.

You're like, " wait, which parent?" Um...

That parent who yells and screams.

I know. You're all, "you can't possibly scream that much!" Well...

I even scream at the wrong times. Like when Jacob stopped and I screamed, "why are you stopping! Keep going!" And the parent turned around and said, " the ref blew the whistle!" to which I said, "oh, I didn't hear that because I was screaming."

And you're all, "what? You? But you seem awesome! How could this be?" To which I reply...

I can't help myself.

It's just that this year, the kids, who are 8 to 10, seem to be sleep-walking on the field. Or they run like their limbs are about to fall off. Or, they see their teammate has the ball, and rather than run along side of them to help out they lag waaaaaaaay behind because they think the other team might actually help them score their goal. I don't get it?

So, what inevitably helps them play better? Tons and tons of screaming!

See where I am going here? Screaming = goal. It's very simple math. I think...

I mean, I am better than the first year they played, all I could get out was, "GO! GO! GO! GO!" Which I realize could mean many thing such as:

-Absolutely nothing.

Really. Why do we...er, I scream "GO!" That's like when you have your hand gripping the top rim of the window frame in the car, and your hubby, who has all the window controls at his finger tips, decides to close your window, thereby smashing and nearly severing off all your digits while you scream, "STOP! STOP! STOP!" How the heck is he supposed to know what you mean? He's driving a car and listening to talk radio.

So now I say things like:

-"TAKE IT DOWN THE FIELD!"

-"GUARD YOUR GOAL!"

-"HELP (insert name of child with the ball)!"

-"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" (At least that is a clear verb.)

-"SOMEONE HELP THE GOALIE!" (Meaning...)

-"GUARD YOUR GOAL!"

-"KICK IT!" (Not the best, but should be pretty dang explanatory.)

And only to my son,

-"QUIT DOING THAT FANCY FOOTWORK AND JUST KICK IT!"

And now I shall defend my yelling. I yell because:

-I have positive things to yell like, "WOOOHOOO!" and, "YAY!" and, "GREAT JOB!" and I do clap quietly for the other team when they score. And I never swear. Not even when I am being chased around the field by a rabid bee.

-The coach doesn't say AN-Y-THING! He's like, a statue! Arms crossed, just watching (or he's sleeping standing up). These are kids, yo! My kids at home can barely walk down the stairs without clear and constant directions! C'mon, man! You flashed your credentials, so let's see some skillllllz from you in actual COACHING, which at least includes talking if not yelling!

-The kids are like, zombies. And not like MJ's dancing zombies, and not like zombies who think a tasty brain is in the soccer ball. But zombies like, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Aren't kids supposed to have endless energy on the weekends, and have the ability to run so much they could power a small city? (Now, my kid runs, quite fast, but, he has played around in the yard too much with daddy, and he enjoys doing all these little fancy footwork moves which yes, keeps the ball away from other people for a time, but not when they run up and kick the ball away, toward the goal!)

-My friend yells too, and I want to support her, and the team. And because she yells louder and a lot more, I feel like the pressure and attention is off me. My camera helps too...if I am filming I won't scream, lest I hear my screechy voice yelling, "GO! GO! GO!" because I can't think and hold a camera at the same time.

I suppose if her and I make up some cheers we would seem really cool, or be escorted off the field but, for now I am gonna scream because really,

-I am so excited. That's all.

So the next time you want to pound a parent into the ground, think of me, and how far I have come with giving my screaming some meaning with real words, and maybe smile because you know that parent just happens to express passion a little more freely than most of the normal functioning world. Unless they are swearing up a storm and belittling your child. Then go ahead and locate the nearest rabbit hole.

And in the event you're just like me, well then *fist pound* welcome to the Crazy Screaming Parent at Soccer Games club. The end.

Forget Rogaine, I Know How to Grow Hair Wherever You Want It...

Yes, we live in a world where us women must remove as much hair as possible to be attractive. Have any of you heard of the vajazzle yet?? No? Google Jennifer Love Hewitt and vajazzle together. Then laugh hysterically and bleach your eyes. Now on to my post.

My son is inspired by his dad. He often gushes about how he admires his dad and wants to be like him, which is so awesome. I feel blessed.

He also talks about wanting a beard, like daddy. And actually, when he is about 13, thanks to his Italian heritage, he should have more whiskers than daddy, who didn't even get whiskers until he was about 23, unlike me, who has been in the practice of extreme deforestation of the eyebrows and upper lip (and legs) since the age of 9. It's hard being hairier than your hubby...anyway...this is the post of digression, and possibly uncomfortable visuals. Hang on tight...

So honestly, I don't remember how it came about, but, I now patty-cake Jacob's face frequently saying, "we have to grow your beard! Let's grow that beard!" Now I'll admit, even lightly tapping the face repeatedly doesn't feel all that good, but, the boy relishes it. He laughs and laughs and runs away with me chasing him saying, "hey! you don't want pork chop side burns on just one side! Let me get the other side!" Then he comes back, grabs my hand and makes me tap his forehead. "I'll have a forehead beard now!" He guffaws.

But tonight things changed.

I was attacked.

Despite my ability to successfully plant a growing beard on both my son AND my daughter's foreheads, their little fast hands were too much for me. By next week I should have a beard on my bellybutton and left shoulder blade, as well as one extra hairy armpit. And they couldn't be happier about it.

Have fun with your kids y'all...and if you have a bedazzler at home, don't get any ideas...

--CLOSED--I Want to Give You Something that is So Scentsy-ble!

THIS GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED!

The Scentsy Scene: You come over to my house for a latte and to talk blog shop...

You: *Sniffing repeatedly as you take off your shoes* "What is that heavenly smell?"

Me: "Awesomeness. Oh wait, *sniffs* mmmm yes that's coming from my bathroom!"

You: "Really? Your bathroom?"

Me: "Yeah I know. Nice change huh?"

You: "Well, yeah! But I can actually smell it all though your home, what is it?"

Me: "Come see!" *you and I do a fancy grapevine into the bathroom*

You: "Ohhhh that's so pretty! Is it a nightlight? A candle? What is it?"

Me: "It's even better than a nightlight OR a candle, girlfriend!! I was offered to review this lovely flame-less candle wax warmer from the company Scentsy! Isn't that fantastic???"

You: "Yeah! Scentsy huh? Tell me about it while you make my latte..."

Me: "Well *foaming milk* It's a booming company which began in 2003, when two awesome women came up with the idea to make decorative warmers that melt high-quality scented wax using a light bulb instead of a wick! An entrepreneur named Orville Thompson bought the company and BAM! My house now smells like Honey Pear Cider! Here! Check out their catalog!"

You: "Amazing! Oh, all of their items are so pretty!"

Me: "Totally! They have gift packs, refills, SO many warmers to choose from plug-ins, to medium-sized like mine, to full-sized, and Scentsy products galore!"

You: "So, obviously you like it?"

Me: "Like it? Psh. I LOOOOOVE it! Oh my gosh! I opened up the box like a rabid lunatic and giggled maniacally at how cute the warmer was! You can tell the quality is superb, and this medium sized warmer is perfect for my guest bathroom! See the scent bars? I repeatedly sniffed all the scents I asked to try of the 80 choices they have, like the Honey Pear Cider you smell now, perfect for those crisp fall or early spring days, the French Lavender, which is clean and relaxing. Oh, and here is the Skinny Dippin' which because of the fresh apple scents with undertones of pear and melons, I am pretty sure I want made into a smoothie on a hot summer's day, and the Vanilla Suede which is smooth with a hint of spice. Mmmmmmmm I love them all!"

You: "Wow, so, how does it work?"

Me: "Wouldn't you like to know! So, see the cute Scentsy bar that comes in this stylish convenient pack ? You just break off a few sections of the wax inside, set them in the warmer dish, plug it in, turn it on via the on/off switch and VOILA! The soft scented wax melts and emits that fantastic Honey Pear Cider you smell!"

You: "Oh, I do love the Honey Pear Cider scent, but I wish I could smell the French Lavender!"

Me: "OK! let's do it!"

You: "Oh no00000, it's too much trouble!"

Me: "No, it's easier than making your latte! Watch this!" *I take my Honey Pear Cider bar package and open it up, I take my warmer full of melted wax and pour the wax right back into the empty spaces. I then wipe the warmer clean with a dry paper towel, give it a quick rinse and dry and set it back on the base, adding two sections of the French Lavender.* "See how easy that is?"

You: "Whoa! That is like, the coolest thing ever! The Honey Pear Cider scent is gone and I can already smell that wonderful French Lavender! And look, the Honey Pear Cider scent is nearly set in the container already! Can you use it again then?"

Me: "You bet I can! I can use it until the smell is completely gone, which for the whole bar is 40-80 hours, depending on the scent. It sets up within 10 minutes because the melting point for the paraffin wax is very low. I know this because I stuck my finger in the melted wax and didn't get burned at all. The base gets a little warm but, the wax will not burn you!"

You: "Of course you stuck your finger in it..."

Me: "Yeah, I can't help myself. I still tell my kids when it's on not to touch the wax, or the base, just in case..."

You: "Smart."

Me: "Tell me about it. And it is SO nice that I can get that wonderful scent without an open flame!"

You: "Anything you don't like about this product?"

Me: "No! I totally love it! You just have to make sure it's plugged into an area where the cord wont get pulled though, you don't want wax splashing all over the place. And really, I love how it acts as a nightlight too. I wouldn't leave it on alllll night but, I tell you what. Set this baby up in the bathroom, draw a bubble bath, turn the lights off, add a scent from their romantic collection to the warmer and..."

You: "Ohhhh...I gotta get me one of these! I WANT ONE!"

Me: "You do?? Well, today is your lucky day!"

Enter my giveaway, courtesy of Scentsy and win yourself this awesome mid-sized Nantucket Warmer from their Nautical Collection and a scent of your choice! Wooohoooo! It's simple. Here are the rules, pay attention:

MANDATORY TO ENTER, COUNTS AS ONE (1) ENTRY!

-Go to Scentsy Online and peruse the scents and come back here, commenting scent sounds most scrumptious to you!

For extra entries:

Tweet this: "@Insanitykim is having a Scentsy giveaway!" with the link to this post. Come back here and leave me a comment with the tweet link. One tweet per day of the giveaway, worth up to 10 entries.

Blog this: Blog about this giveaway with a link to this post, comment leaving me your post link and receive 5 extra entries.

This giveaway starts today, April 14th, and ends Saturday, April 24th ,2010, at 11:59pm EST.

The Random Number Generator (RNG) will pick a winner. The winner will have 3 days to respond, and at the end of 3 days if the winner has not contacted me I will use the RNG to pick a new winner.

So exciting! I love my warmer, and I know the winner will too! Enter! Hurry! And I hope you win! And by you of course I mean, you.




I provide reviews and giveaways as a packaged deal, I do not provide review only or giveaway only posts. This blog requires compensation, and all shipping costs paid, for review/giveaway packages in the form of receiving the review product for me and/or my family, not to be returned.

I am not monetarily compensated to provide my opinion on products I review and/or giveaway. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely my own. If I claim or appear to be well-informed and versed on a certain topic or product or service area, I will do so only endorsing products or services that I believe, based on my expertise, are worthy of such endorsement. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider.

I will always be honest and forthcoming with my readers and the businesses I work with, providing the best review/giveaway posts that I can.

I Want to Stretch my Budget, Not My Waistline...

So last month, using my coupons and in store sales, I shaved off $100 from my grocery bill! ONE HUNDRED BUCKS YA'LL! I am thinking I should scan my receipts for you all just to prove it but, you believe me, right? Good...because I am too lazy to do that right now...

AND just yesterday, even with forgetting my coupons because I had the kids with me (I'm not perfect. psh) I still saved $30, paying attention to the in-store sales and promotions while making sure my kids weren't crashing into people with the cart or knocking over displays. I get a high from this people. Seriously I do. I bought whole-wheat pasta on sale this time around, for $1 per box, and was all giggly about it.

But of course, it's nearing summer and it's hot-er out and with all this healthy eating I need some frickin' ice cream. And the amount of ice cream I need to satisfy our family would zap our budget, and potentially snap the elastic in my swimsuit. So, I thought of another fabulous idea to stretch our budget and not expand our waistlines this summer. I too have to take the kids to the pool ya know...

So, I shielded my eyes from the Ben and Jerry's single serve containers for $1 a pop (have you seen these things? In theory it sounds so cost effective, but I am not sure if I want to buy them because of that or because they are so dang cute.) because I imagined my freezer completely overtaken by them for about 3 days, then mysteriously disappearing and reappearing on my hips and thighs on the 4th day.

Instead I looked right at the Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches and was struck with genius.

You get 6 sandwiches for about 4 bucks and change. Really, you could eat TWO and totally feel like you said a few curse words to your diet and splurged (it's like what, 280 calories and 4 grams of fat for two? Please, Ben and Jerry's has 200 calories but 8 grams of fat in their ONE little serving!) but, I know this isn't a good example for my kids, and sheesh, there goes calorie conservation! So, I bought two cartons, chocolate and vanilla, which if my math is right is 12 sandwiches. Wait it gets better, that's not the genius part. Maybe it is. Who knows keep reading...

So, time for dessert. Here's what I did:


Isn't it sooooooo cute??? Sometimes when your dessert is small, you just have it gussy it up for that satisfaction to kick in! My kids didn't even mention that they were sharing a sandwich, because they were cheering about the little topping of whipped cream and a cherry (which adds minimal calories). And of course, they ate it in sections, which meant three flavors AND it took longer to eat! They enjoyed the presentation, the flavor combination and that they were eating yummy ice cream (that is less calories and has fiber). And of course, with this genius act of genius, I just doubled the servings and stretched my dollar but no one's waistline!

Yes, yes, I am eating it the same way too**, mainly because I have been exercising, but it seems that my arms and the back of my thighs haven't received the memo. However, I recently realized this is because my mouth ate the memo, and anything else that came near it for the past month so while dutifully working out. So, my mouth is on probation and my stomach is in rehab/counseling. Someone has to stand up for my jiggly limbs!

Any of you have some fun stretch your dollar shrink your waistline tips? Let me know, I have about a month before I have to don the dreaded suits again...


**I just need to confess. I had my 1/2 today...with a whole one. And three cherries. Hey, don't judge. It was just that kind of day. At least I am being honest...

My Son is Ready to Drink Coffee Because He is Nine...I'm So Emotional Right Now!

There is something you all need to know and understand about me and my family RIGHT NOW if you don't know and understand already. We are avid coffee drinkers. I mean, we are crazy coffee consumers. I mean, we are coffee guzzling java junkies. Junkies, in the worst sense of the word. My blood is at least 85% Guatemalan and Sumatran at this very moment. Yes, I am talking coffee. Some of you are still drinking canned Colombian I bet...

I started drinking coffee at the ripe old age of 9. Yes. Nine. Wait. I take that back. I was actually still in diapers. My dad, who worked nights, would have a mid-day cup and then promptly fall asleep on the couch before he went in to work. I would toddle around the living room in my diapers until I was sure he was completely asleep (because you know how coffee knocks you out) and then I would tip toe over on my tiny tip toes and drink the cold java on the coffee table. And he drank his coffee with just some coffee mate, no sugar or fancy stuff. I still remember the cream skin on the top of the coffee, and how cold it was. I drank it down like it was liquid gold. I always sought out his left-over coffee, like a shark on the trail of freshly spilled blood. My mom took pictures. I was so cute.

Then once I turned nine I would stumble out of my room at 6:45 am, all haggard from a rough night of dreaming about the barbie I scalped and threw into my neighbors yard, to have my mom greet me with a mug of fresh, hot coffee to drink while I watched Welcome to Pooh Corner. It's a wonder my teeth are not the color of mud. And that I have teeth.

If you come into our home for dinner and don't want coffee afterward, we might blink repeatedly and look at you funny, (well, even more so than we normally do). But after a while we will forgive you of your strangeness and no longer offer it to you. We might fidget and appear agitated while we eat our pie, but, as soon as you leave, we're getting our fix.

Both hubby and I worked in the coffee business, and actually my hubby is a walking Wikipedia page on all things coffee, after 16 years of total immersion...if he had 8 arms and no need for sleep he could probably have a successful shop up and running within 24 hours. So with this, our kids grew up with the aroma of coffee deeply set into their nostrils and java cravings flowing through their veins. It was no surprise to us when our son, at the age of two, would grab the demitasse cup with crema left over from my husband's doppio, and greedily lick the bottom like he hadn't had any sustenance in three days. It was so cute.

OK vocab for you all who have no idea what I am talking about:

son: that would be my kid.
demitasse cup: um, it's a small cup.
doppio: a double shot of espresso...Sigh. Google it.
crema: it's that gold stuff on the top, see it there? ---------------->

So in general the crema, it's kinda bitter, yet often has undertones of nuttiness, chocolate, vanilla, or cough syrup, depending on who pulled the shot and if the coffee is any good. My son would lap that stuff up until the cup was clean. Adorable.

Apparently, I have boasted of my youthful coffee drinking a little too much because, at the age of 7, my son started talking like a teen dreaming of freedom.

Jacob, age 7: Mom, when I am nine can I drink coffee like you did?

Me: *totally not registering what he is saying* Yeah sure.

Flash forward to last week, when he turned nine.

Jacob: Mom, I'm nine. I can drink coffee now!

Me: What?

Jacob: Remember? You said when I was nine I could start drinking coffee?

Me: What?

Audrey: I want to drink coffee!! I want a latte!

Jacob: You're too young.

Me: You're too young!

Jacob: Nuh uh! You started drinking coffee at nine!

Me: Um, well...

Audrey: Moooooom! I want coffee tooooooo!

Me: Jacob, I don't really think it's a good idea.

Jacob: Why did YOU get to drink coffee then?

Me: Um...I...uh...what?

Audrey: I want a latte with vanilla!

Me: Well, coffee stunts your growth, and it's not that good for you. I was supposed to be 5'7" and I am quite bitter about that. Audrey, how do you know about lattes?

Jacob: Well, daddy drinks coffee like 20 times a day! He's tall!

Me: Espresso, 4 times a day. He started after he was finished growing.

Audrey *jumping up and down repeatedly* I want cofffffffeeeeeee!

Me: Girl, you don't need coffee!

Jacob: Well then, you and dad are not healthy and you better think about how much coffee you're drinking!

Me: Wait, what?

Audrey: COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEEEEEE!

I guess there are worse things in life, like, he could be asking to watch rated R movies, or for his own iphone, or a komodo dragon. Who knows, maybe he could become my new coffee buddy. I could teach him how to use our fancy espresso machine (and it is VERY fancy) and we could laugh together about how bad Star****s coffee tastes and reminisce about the days when he would lap up crema as a tiny tot during our family coffee jaunts on the weekends...

Me: *sipping my latte* wow, this is really good, Jacob.

Jacob: I know. I have become an accomplished barrista, and wise beyond my ten years...

Me: Yes, yes. I am so glad we can share these special moments...

Jacob: *chuckles softly as he sips his doppio* Mother, remember the strange looks from people when I would grab dad's demitasse, licking the cup and getting crema all over my face?

Me: Ahhh those were the days. So cute. Hey can you go get me that book on Central American Arabicas on the top bookshelf?

Jacob: Alas, I stopped growing last year due to my alarming coffee consumption...

Me: So true unfortunately, but, on a positive note we will save a ton of money shopping for your jeans in the boys section for the next 8 years! I'll pick up a step ladder tomorrow...

Fat Albert Teaches Kids about Rabies. Awesome. And, ACK!

Even though I am not being paid to say this or being compensated in any way, (you know how careful we need to be these days with our open adoration) let me just say I am SO happy that Netflix came into my life. So so so so times 10 nonillion happy! (nonillion represents the number one followed by 30 zeros, so says my son...I also love Brainpop. I digress...)

And I hate bats. I don't ever need to be paid to say that! HATE HATE HATE! DIE DIE DIE!

Sorry.

You're scratching your head asking, "why am I reading this?" "what the what do these two things have to do with anything?"

Well, recently my kids stumbled upon the popular 1970's series Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.

You're totally following me now, right?? Do you all remember this show? You're all, "no?" "ohhhh I get it now she TOTALLY makes sense!" I loved watching this show as a kid, and now, watching it as an adult, I love it even more. It ran for 12 years, and I hope good ol' Netflix adds every single season. Because I love Netflix. I just do.

Bill Cosby was pretty fly in the 70's if you ask me, and strangely enough I cannot find a picture to explain what I am taking about; but it's amazing to see how he changed over the years, becoming quite Dr. Huxtable-ish towards the end of the series, where before he was a young, awesome fro wearing, tight-yellow shirt donning, bicep-flexing dude...

Anyway...

So when this show is on, I have no problems just letting the kids watch, without any supervision (well I am around it's just, I can, um, just, sit). The characters are endearing and thoughtful, they are silly but not obnoxious, they have wit and they always learn a lesson, whether it is the lesson of not being had or taken by false advertising, brushing your teeth and not eating too many sweets to avoid painful dentist visits, being patient and saving your money to buy what you want, or

FOR THE FRICKEN LOVE STAY AWAY FROM THE MANGY DOG THAT IS GROWLING AND FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND IF YOU GET BIT FOR THE LOVE OF LOVE TELL AN ADULT ASAP!

In this particularly frightening episode it wasn't a bat (thank the Lord above) but a mangy dog who nipped the finger of one of the characters. If the kid had been bitten by a bat I might have blown up the computer monitor with my mind powers and called 911, Animal Control, Poison Control and the Pentagon all at once. Maybe someday I'll explain why I hate bats so much, but even now seeing the word like 3 times on my blog makes my intestines do things I don't want them to do...as does the word rabies. Why do I torture myself?

So Fat Albert and the gang were able to quickly locate and identify the evil, 4-legged frothing creature from the many evil, 4-legged frothing creatures roaming about, and it in fact did not have rabies (it was just dang ugly and maybe a tad thirsty and crabby) and therefore the character didn't have to get shots and I didn't need therapy. I nodded my head in earnest when Bill came back onto the screen and implored the children of the world (or at least the US) to never ever EVER EVER!!! touch a stray animal ANYTHING outside, even if it's cute, lost, hurt, sad, free, dead, little, or talking to them. Especially if it's talking to them.

So c'mon moms, on that upcoming rainy day or snow reprieve (I'm so so sorry) turn on Netflix "watch instantly" and learn your kids something beneficial in a wonderfully made cartoon series by Bill Cosby.

Man, am I the queen of free endorsements or what??