Monday, May 18, 2009

Tuesday Twitters

Sigh. I just can't do it ya'all. I can't keep the house clean. I am 2 days and a swarm of houseflies away from Kim and Aggie visiting my house and retching at the site of the toilet and kitchen sink. I exaggerate just a little...

All our favorite reality shows are coming to an end! Whatever shall I do? If you suggest cleaning, I just might block you from my reader list. Nah...

Isn't coffee like, one of the best pleasures in life? I mean seriously, I have been drinking the stuff since I was 9. Yes, you read that right, NINE. It was coffee and Welcome to Pooh Corner. And see how cool I am?

I am determined to get rid of my bingo wings. Yes I am SO gonna do it! What are bingo wings, you ask? They are not part of an 80's hairstyle, they are in fact my arms. Precisely where my triceps should be. Yes. I shall replace them with triceps. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice...

Audrey is convinced she can sell her pictures at the park and that it will be aweeeeeeeeeesommmmmme! She wants to sell them at 40 cents a piece. Any buyers? I mean, she WILL have to attend art school in Italy someday!

Speaking of Italy, we have been watching Molto Mario. He still confuses me because I have never seen a red-headed Irish-looking Italian. But, he has totally vindicated me in all my cooking techniques; let me tell ya, Italians do it best, even the Irish ones.

Does anyone remember how bad Pirates Of the Carribean III was? Well I didn't, until I watched it again. I will never get that time of my life back.

Speaking of time, LOST made me SO SO SO mad, especially because we have to wait until spring TWO THOUSAND AND TEN before we see the next season! That irked me so bad, that I want to buy all the past seasons, throw them down a magnetic shaft and BLOW THEM UP!! Um, was that a spoiler for anyone? Sorry!

Can I get a "wha wha"? I don't know. That's in my head.

Does anyone have a bone to pick with Oprah? Like a chicken bone? Discuss...


Tamsin said...

Triceps? Triceps? What are they? Where are mine? Do I have any? Maybe I did. Bingo wings sound sooo much cooler than triceps though. I think mine are more like those airline flaps that help reduce speed. Must be why I jog at the pace of a slow shuffle..

There HAS to be a coffee annonymous somewhere...I shall find one and refer you. Mind you, I had tea in my bottle as a baby. Beat THAT.

I never got into Lost. Is this why I am not quite right in the head these days? I too am mourning my shows ending but if course as I am British and therefore much brainier than everyone else I didn't watch any reality shows. Just thought provoking, brain cell increasing series'.....hahaha yeh right

I'll take some art. 2 pieces please. Will she take a check?

Jennifer said...

Mmmm. Chicken bone.

I whole-heartedly agree with you. The Irish Italian Man. With the signature orange Crocs. Yeeps.

TheClayMuse said...

i'm right there with you on the anger over LOST! 2010 are they freakin serious, i'll just forget everything by then, that'll learn 'em!

SierraMac said...

Ooh, Kim and Aggie are my favorite!! I always feel so much better about my own house when I'm done watching. The American version isn't quite as fun though...not sure why. I also like SuperNanny for the same reason - my kid has NEVER been as bad as those little brats! (No, I'm not delusional. It's true!)

Kearsie said...

My twitters for today:

I slept on wet hair last night thereby assuring I am going to have a bad hair day today.

I have been dieting and working out only to gain 2 lbs.

I have that song "Can I get a wha wha?" in my head. DANG.

I suppose it's better than chanting over and over "Shoo fly, don't boooother me...shoo fly, don't booooother me..."

I got my eyebrows waxed last week and today had to bust out the tweezers. Not.happy.about.this.

You can really see my mustache today. Not.happy.about.this.either.

The Retired One said...

1. I didn't get the joke. I know what Twitter is, but "the wall?". What Generation does that make me?
(besides ancient?)

2. Enslave the children to do the cleaning (in exchange for...I don't and shelter?)
There: problem solved. If they can learn to play video games, they can scrub a toilet.

3. I am on a reality-show diet. Only do American Idol now, and not even every week. It wasn't too hard (except for the endless twitching)...but I am going outside more and doing things which makes me feel better.

4. Well if your parents didn't protect you from your "crack" coffee at the tender age of 9...then you should not feel guilty for enslaving your children to clean the house for you, now should you? Also a warning: coffee makes one susceptible to watching reality shows.

5. I'll trade you two bingo wings for two bat wings, any day.

6. She will have no time to sell art at the park, she will be cleaning for you. Then when she grows up, she will channel her hatred for you and a miserable childhood of cleaning into art masterpieces like all the other tormented famous artists. (and eventually thank you therefore for her success and fame) (Too bad you will have died of old age by then) (Probably from toxic Pinesol fumes).

7. It is much easier to watch ChefBoyArdee when you are using your can opener spin the cans round and round. You get dizzy doing this, but you quickly recover and can warm the unforgettable contents in the micro in 30 seconds!

8. Nope. I think I fell asleep after Pirates of the Carribbean II. Don't mess with perfection, stop at NO. 1

9.LOST didn't make me as mad as the Sci-Fi channel did...they showed 2 or 3 seasons and then stopped, without notice. Then they started mixing up the shows from Seasons 1, 2 and 3 and showing them out of sequence as reruns. No explanation. Period. I may have to go rent all of them (damn it) because yes, you are right, you have to watch closely or you lose the details of all of the many, many subplots. By the time I watch all of the rented ones, it will be 2010. Problem solved!

10. Bone to pick with my beloved Oprah? Be careful...thems fightin' words!!!!

w said...

i don't watch lost. i nedever will.

isn't mario like the mayer of some town?

i can't think of any more vars. oh wait. i just thought of one. you know in pirates of the carribeam (pick your choice)... they're always like "varlay".


Vickie said...

I try not to wave to hard so my wings don't move.

Man, am I the only one who like the third Carribean movie? :)

I must of missed something. What happened with Oprah?

LOST is driving me nuts. I can't wait that long! I was really starting to like Juilet!

What's the "Wall"? I thought I was up on some of the lingo:)

Vickie said...

Here is a twitter for ya!

Oh, I got a canker sore right now. Ouch!

Unknown said...

HAHAHA! I have literally been LOL reading your blog! I just found it and I have to tell you I am already hooked! I will be coming back for more!!! :-) Great writing!

tamara! said...

Kim, thank you so much for your nice message last night! I am looking through your blog and cracking up. I am so glad I found it! Good luck with the housecleaning and the tricep-toning. Those are two of my Blind Spots in Life too so unfortunately I have no words of wisdom. :)

Banteringblonde said...

aha but real housewives new jersey is just trashy enough to make the summer intersting! Bingo wings... love it!

Unknown said...

Hi Kim! Just wanted to let you know that I gave you an award!


The Mother said...

I have a bone to pick with Oprah. She gave anti-vax Jenny her own platform, so she can endanger even more children.

As for keeping the house clean--forget it. You'll have plenty of time to clean when the kids grow up and move out.

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