Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Tuesday Twitters

These days I am starting my morning by swallowing a couple of Mentos with Diet Coke; it really gets me going…

I was jolted awake by the loudest thunderclap I have ever heard and it scared the crazap out of all of us! I think Edward and his family were playing baseball again.

Jacob was on the floor, somersaulting half of a Lego Starwars Stormtrooper, yelling, “the British are coming! The British are coming!” then it turned into, “the mollusks are coming! The fences are coming! The ears are coming!”

My PMS week overcame the zitcream barrier and the blasted mounds of pain came sprouting up in random places on my face. I tried using more zitcream and now my face is peeling off. Sex-ay!

Have you heard of swagbucks? Go check it out here no WAIT! Check it out HERE, so I can get more swagbucks…hmmm. Being awarded $5 gift cards to Amazon or Starbucks just for surfing the web might be worth it. Check it out!

There was a house centipede on our bedroom ceiling right above my head. I convinced hubby to trap it so I could put it next to the fireplace to kill the spiders. See what it has come to? I have to keep THIS around to save me from the spiders!

Oh and don't worry, their bite is no worse than the sting of a bee. SERIOUSLY?? ACK!

Who are John and Kate, and, should I care?

I was introduced to these Pillsbury fudge brownies from Sam’s club that are sold in a packages about the size of a wood pallet. These brownies are evil. They are so wrong. And when I am around them, I don’t wanna be right.

I was able to stop myself at one brownie though, and I have been working out faithfully! I think I have lost two pounds! From where, however, I cannot yet tell…

Have I talked about John Mayer lately? Hmmm. I have not. He must not be dating, or twittering (it’s so quiet).

Audge adopted an inch worm and named him Mr. Inchie (nothing like Mr. Creepy up there). He had to come in the car with us, and he escaped. He is now probably, Mr. Crunchie, somewhere near the cup holders.

I cleaned my house for company! It feels “weird” in the house now.

I really need those brownies. Good thing I am too lazy to drive to Sam’s.


w said...

dude. you incorporated 2 of the names in your post. that leaves me vary few names. erm. one, actually.

i want to see diet coke gush out of your mouth. that'd be an interesting superhero power. "stand back! or i shall smite thee with coke and vomit. do not worry though! it's a freshmaker."

The Retired One said...

1. Who needs nasal spray when you have an allergy? That works a LOT faster, but isn't pretty. (You have managed to subtly talk about boogers again, you know that don't you?)

2. That wasn't a thunderclap. Your body performed a "discretion". Better check your undies. By the way, that is a cute nickname for an unpleasant body function. I think I'll use it now. Honey, you didn't just "thunderclap" did you??

3. What do you expect, when you train your children to be Unibombers?

4. AGAIN about the zits???/

5. Just call the bribebucks, it is more realistic.

6. Cleaning is really less painful. Try it, you'll like it!

7. John and Kate are two egotistic opportunists (oh and spouse cheaters) who are sacrificing their kid's mental and emotional health and stability by being on camera 24/7 and then saying how sorry they feel for themselves for having such a public life. Nut cases.

8. Have you sampled the wood pallet? Full of roughage, I hear.

9. Maybe Kate is having an affair with John Mayer. It will be in the Enquirer soon.

10. Have you ever smelled a dead worm? (Don't worry, you'll understand the question REAL SOON).
Oh, and BTW, you can't get rid of the stench out of a car very easily. F'Breeze has met its match, and it won't win.

11. You shouldn't refer to Social Services as "company". They are just like everyone else who is checking out your children's bombing and spider-filled environment.

12. Chocolate addiction now has a support group(Chocolate Lovers Anonymous). You may want to look into it.

TheClayMuse said...

omg Kim, the random number generator loves you! You won the votives!! send me an email letting me know which ones you want (or which colors to make if the ones you want aren't in the shop) and of course, your address so I can stal.. send them to you! :P

Unknown said...

OMG! When I saw that house centipede I got the willies! We have those in our house......and they get BIG. But they are certainly easy to kill...they practically explode when you touch them. Do they really kill spiders? Do they really sting, too? You should check out the cousin of that centipede.....the CAVE Centipede. I understand they get to be 8" long. Aaaahhhhhhhhh. Run for your lives!

Kearsie said...

My Twitters for today:

I have a pimple on my nose that hurts like a motivator.

That centipede is nastay.

I can't figure out if John was faithful or not to Kate.

I was so desperate for something sweet to eat that I busted out my girls' Easy Bake Oven and made them bake me something.

Jennifer said...

LOL! @ the inch worm now being Mr. Crunchie. My brother are guilty of sending one too many worms to heaven before their time. One time, we actually dug up all the earthworms we could find, stuck them in a shallow box, put the box up on our fence, and watched the birds go to town.

Sick. Just sick in the head.

Unknown said...

HAHAHAHA! You are so freaking hilarious! I just have to keep coming back for more! I don't know for sure what this Tuesday Twitters thing is, but I want in on it! LOL

Stacy Uncorked said...

OMG you are hilarious! I'll have to remember mentos and diet coke on a particularly tired morning... That centipede creeps me out - but then so do spiders...

Thanks so much for the laugh! Love your Twitters - I really need to hang out on Twitter to get more entertainment... ;)

Insanitykim said...

w - Hugh forgot one...ahahahahhah!

R.O. - Verrrrrrrry nice list as always, but, I think that Kearsie is the one obsessed with boogers!

Kristin - Yes! It's all true! A love hate relationship for sure but hey, I will take them over spiders; they even eat bed bugs!!

Kearsie - Easy Bake ovens are awesome. Sheer genius on your part!!

Jennifer - By all accounts, it does seem that you were serving a greater purpose...I'll check with PETA to make sure ;)

"Me" and Stacy - Thank you! I just started a post a few months ago called Tues Twitters, because I do NOT actually twitter and I thought it would be funny to explore the kinds of things I WOULD twitter about if I did; the post has stuck, and I have actually been scolded for not keeping it up, so I just log things throughout the week to use on these Tuesday posts as the "highlights" of the week. I put them all up on the left sidebar to keep up with. Glad you enjoy them too!!! BTW "Me" what should I calleth thee??

Banteringblonde said...

ok thanks for the centipede pic ... now i'm itchy!

A Lil Enchanted said...

OMG... we had one of those centipedes in the bathroom sink the other day. They creep me out... and so do spiders... but I think I would rather have the spiders. They move slower and I can catch them on the end of my broom and put them outside... the centipedes move waaaaay too fast. That one took a nice quick trip down the drain to Sewerland!

~A Lil Enchanted~

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