Billiards Leads to Pregnancy

So I walked the kiddos down to the clubhouse today to play some pool, since I had promised my son a game on a rainy day, and because I found him crawling around on the ceiling this morning from a build up of eight-year-old boredom. Once we got there, Audge, my daughter, plopped down on the big sofa, and promptly took off her shoes and socks, while I found a show on the flat screen for her to watch. Jacob set up the pool table, and we started our game.

I am still perplexed as to why my mind would drift to the thought of how suggestive a game of pool could be, especially while I was trying to stop my son from eating the cue ball chalk, and from putting holes in the walls with the cue stick he was swinging around like a frantic ninja. Not to mention, Barney was blaring in the background…

But sure enough it did. I think it started when I was remembering my social life, pre-kids, and how one of the things my hubby and I would do was go play pool together. It didn’t happen often but man, now that we barely do ANYTHING alone outside of using the toilet, suddenly the euphemisms and nature of the game itself make me think we should just play pool for our anniversary in a couple of weeks since it’s free, and because it will serve as a great primary mood setter. Think about it…

You’re playing a game with um…sticks, and balls...

Your “junk” in the front (if you’re wearing a low cut shirt) and trunk are constantly on display as you bend over to hit a ball (sheesh, this “sport” was SO invented by a man!)

We all have to admit that when we play pool, we kinda feel like a sultry, smoldering hottie, don't we? And, we pose and saunter around like alley cats, giving sideways glances, winks,and grins as we hit the cue ball pass the other balls and right into a pocket…

You’re much more likely to have a pool table in your house than a butcher block, and c’mon now, we have seen what can happen with just a butcher block…maybe that is supposed to be like, a temperature raiser, but EWWWW HELLO!!! E-coli and salmonella!?!?! SO not alluring! Pool tables are cleaner, and bigger, and softer…

If your have trouble with your form, your significant other will fight off a swarm of angry bees to get over to you to uh, “help you out” by moving in as close as possible behind you…

In fact, now that I think about it, I can think of 15 families (well two, at the very least) I know who had pool tables, and they had 4 or more kids…coincidence? Search your mind, do YOU have a pool table? Do YOU have more than 4 kids? What about your friends? Sure, now the pool table serves as an actual game for the kids to play once the parents are tired and old and have no real need for a social life, but still, what came first, the kids or the pool table? Or, how many MORE kids came AFTER the pool table? Now when I see large families, I will think it’s because they have a pool table…I am SO not getting a pool table! Now a butcher block on the other hand...

PS sorry this post was so bad, it was a quickie...