Monday, January 4, 2010

Insanity Mondays

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Well waddaya know...I have fulfilled EVERY resolution on my list, already! With nary a blip, stumble, or toe-stubbing! And, I continue to fulfill them with a 100% no failure rate! SCORE! I WIN! Man, aren't you amazed that you know someone with such integrity and mental fortitude? Psh. I am...

My son asked me if he had "what it takes" to impress a girl; I thought back to how, to Sunday School recently, he wore 4 pairs of socks, unbeknownest to me. In middle of class he got too hot, and took of his shoes, removing 3 sweaty pairs, and stuffed them into his jean pockets. I sort of had a hard time answering his question...

In case you didn't know, Easy Bake Ovens DO get uber hot, and, you will acquire 2nd degree burns when you touch the bottom of the little metal pan while asking, "I wonder if these things really get that hot?"

I still have The Christmas Tree in our living room. Oh yes, I do. I just watered it too, and Piney (that's its name) still smells fantastic and has all its needles! Now, it's not about when I have to throw it out, it's about NEVER having to throw it out!

Shootness, I just forgot what I was going to type, and that really really really bugs the CRAZAP out of me! (see? checked that one right off my list!)

It's too cold to use my downstairs bathroom; I swear the wall to the outside is as thick as a cloud, and with the temp at 14 degrees it is TOO PAINFUL to do your business in there! Breaking off peecicles hurrrrrrts!

OH! I entered an amateur photo contest HERE! I so hope I win! So don't enter, OK? That will better my chances for sure. Gee thanks, you're the BEST! And by you I mean you, of course...

Ugh I am SO TIRED of doing dishes! I am about ready to start throwing the food directly on the table, demanding that everyone eat with their hands and faces...hmm...soup might be a problem...

So, I have this foundation that is supposed to magically match your skin tone, and for the most part the "light to medium" works pretty magically, although I really need "nearly-transparent to deathly white". So I ask you, can foundation go bad? I think mine did, like, really bad; I put it on and it was ORANGE! I kept rubbing it in, hoping the magic ingredients in it would say, "ooooops what I am doing? You haven't been to the tropics, you're the color of paste!" However no matter how much I rubbed, I still looked like an Oompa Loompa...Ohhhhhh scary let's move on...

I bought all organic fruits and veggies at the store the other day. Sheesh, I even bought whole grain Fish Crackers and Bisquick. I don't know why. It wasn't some New Year's resolution, or grand plan, or a call to health, I just did it, like when you have Word Vomit at the wrong time when talking to someone you barely know. It all sort of snuck up on me at once! But then, I became highly aware of the other things in my cart. Like the Spam. Hey, I cannot give up my Spam Fried Rice. It's just not gonna happen. Greasy chips, partially-hydrogenated oil-laden cookies, sugary-sweet soda...those have been gone for a long time, but my Spam... *growling and bearing teeth whilst gripping my precious can of Spam with my pointy claws...*

And since it is Monday, and we are back into the crazy schedule of GASP! getting up early (like 8:30. I know, horrific, right?) and sitting down for some homeschooling (guess what today's lesson is? It's, "write thank-you cards for ALLL your gifts day!" I torture my children! muahahahahahhaaaaa!!) and, I have to catch up on bills and laundry and leg shaving, I must tell you that I took the time to write all of these during the past week, so you would have something amazing to read, making me look all orderly and awesome and totally concerned for your comical well-being. That being said. I am now taking at nap, or maybe starting the shaving process on at least one hairy leg...

Have a great Monday ya'all!


11 comments:

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

You always look all orderly and awesome. Well, minus that whole hairy leg thing. Once you have that under control you will resume order and awesome.

Vickie said...

Happy New Year! Love the new look!

That makeup that is supposed to match your skin doesn't work with me. I still see stuff on my face;)

blueviolet said...

I'm deathly pale too! I look extra snowy next to my family because they have golden skin. No wonder I used to tan all the time.

I can't believe you wondered about Easy Bake oven pans. Lightbulbs get hot! ;)

Kearsie said...

I need to look into that orange paste. Because I am like Snow White on a Really Bad Day with No Color At All and when I apply anything colorish on my face like blush it looks like Snow White Has Been Slapped Around and Likes to Look Like a Hooker.

Much More Than Mommy said...

You put the picture of the Oompa Loompa on there just to torment me, didn't you? *sob* *fetal position* *rocking in corner*

robin said...

about three years ago at the oscars (the one where charlize theron won the oscar for monster), all of hollywood had recently discovered the spray on tan thing. EVERYONE that took the stage was ORANGE! in fact, after that night all the comedians dubbed them a new race known as "the orangies". so, welcome to their tribe kim! i'll bet you could come up with some indigenous recipies!

w said...

evaryone's afraid to mention the sock stuffing. me too.

i still have my tree up. and it will stay up. even though you told me it couldn't.

people are probably afraid of the peecicles, too.

oompa loompas are scary. your foundation's mayergic ingredients are probably candy and man whiskers.

why would you want to do all those chores? i hate leg shavaring.

you're totally winning.

Jessica (Hey Lola) said...

Peecicles? Huh.

I kind of got all thrown off track at peecicles and I haven't really recovered. BUT - I do love your fresh blog face for 2010. I freshened mine up as well. I can't get anything else together, but somehow I find time to play with new blog banners for hours...

Oh! And happy new year!

The Retired One said...

Hey Sweetie...thanks for the shout out on your blog for my photo contest,but STOP telling others not to enter....you KNOW that is not playing fair. ha
Besides if you win, you want to have some good competitors so you can gloat in your wonderfulness, right?
Peesicles??? Now that cracked me up, which made my bladder ache,which made me go into our 1/2 bath which is on the outside wall and also FREEZING, so thanks, thanks alot....

Claire Gutschow said...

I thought of you today. It was trash-christmas-tree-collection day in our neighborhood. All of Piney's perfectly healthy relatives were dumped in the street unloved, uncared for, forgotten. It felt like one of those god awful Sarah Malaughlin SPCA commercials, only with trees. Live on Piney, live on!

Holly Ann said...

you are all over the place and i love it... i was laughing out loud at the dishes/soup comment... i have often thought everyone should just stand over the pot and eat
:-) we are all family

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