Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Vicious Dog Farts Will Not Keep Me Away From You...

So today a good friend asked me why, when she stepped out of her home, her neighborhood smelled like pastrami sandwiches. I could only think of one possible reason, so I said, "zombies?"

Which leads me to my next award post. Except this one has nothing to do with zombies, or chickens, or zombie chickens, but is probably much stinker and deadlier, this is all about dog farts.


Now, suffice to say, I have kids, and they are at that ripe old age where farting around everyone they know is still hysterically funny, to them, and, the smellier the better. They are even more pleased if they slip out a silent killer, you know, the ones that knock you down to the ground as you enter their airspace. And, instead of helping you, in case you have a mild concussion, they laugh at you, and their gaseous abilities.

Anyway, I say this only to acknowledge that the only thing worse than a silent kid fart is a dog fart.

Oh my goodness. There is something evil about the gas that comes out of a dog. And it doesn't matter their size I tell you. Our 7 pound chihuahua would melt the eyebrows right off of your face and destroy the cilia in your bronchial tubes. We would cry for days and consider staging an exorcism for him. No wonder I couldn't keep houseplants alive!

ANYWAY...this award goes to bloggers who write blog posts so dang well that I would walk through a cloud of noxious, skin-melting dog farts, to get to my computer, to read them. Of course it would make sense for me to grab a mask and say some prayers, but, if it came right down to it, I would brave the green cloud and the loss of my perfectly tweezed brows...and these blogs are:


The Lost in Suburbia Blog - Tracy, from whom this awesome award originated (and pray for her, she is a prisoner of raucously evil dog farts).

Much More Than Mommy - She uses WD40 a lot. Especially on Pizza Night.

E3P2s - A good friend who has become an even good-er friend, and she makes my brain run fast around the track, and she also has wickedly yummy fashion sense.

Speaking From The Crib - If there is such thing as a gangsta blogger, she's it.

Mass Hole Mommy - What can I say her blog title intrigued me, and now I am a fan.

The Retirement Chronicles - I covet her pictures and her camera...don't worry she knows this.

For Love or Funny - I love all her funny, even if she smells like a dead fish...

A Fabulously Good Life - She is fab, man. Seriously.

A Day in the life of a Suferwife
- She is not a surfer herself, but a runner; my inspiration.

Wendiwinn - When I say, "where's the beef?" I find it right here. Every time.

The Creative Junkie - Her junk is creative. And it ain't junk.

How to Survive Life in the Suburbs - If I move to Canada, I want to live next to her.

Diary of a Mad Bathroom - She's gonna write a book about her uncle. I get the first copy...

Multitasker - I am nearly convinced she CAN do it all while making me laugh.

Hey Lola - We love zombies. It's a special bond.

Sounds Like Tomatoes - She would handle this whole dog fart dilemma with Febreze...

Crazy Thing Called Motherhood - Yoda. She knows what this means...

Stacy's Random Thoughts - It's a cornucopia of funness man...

Lulu's Sandbard - We sit at the same cool table...and man, she knows how to use a treadmill...

Adventures With Edward - Now, I do not like Twilight, but...I love this Ed, and when he crawls out of Kearsie's purse, awesome things happen...

So there you have it. Basically I have the constitution of a giant cockroach, because that is a lot of deleterious fumes to endure, should it stand in the way of any of these blogs...

Peace out ya'all.



19 comments:

Much More Than Mommy said...

I'm so honored. I think.

You mentioned the WD40 and Pizza Night, so you know what I'm gonna have to talk about soon, don't you? You brought it on yourself! Let the bleaching of the eyes begin!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

OMG. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Willing to walk through dog farts AND lose well groomed eye brows?

You are too good to me InstantlySlim.

w said...

you only mentioned me because you felt you had to because i'm the beef. psh. i know your games. remember hahaahhaha? yeah. see? i know!

also. remember when i gave you the red ribbon gift?

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

Kim, thank you for the award! Moreover, thank you for liking me even though I smell like a dead fish!

The Lost in Suburbia Blog said...

Your descriptions of dog farts are like flatulence poetry. I am in awe of your gaseous prose! Thank you so much for passing my dog fart award back on to me and for passing it on to other deserving bloggers!

blueviolet said...

I don't have a dog but I did have occasion to sniff their emissions over the summer at my sister's house. I'm positively in agreement with you on this one!

w said...

what is wrong with me? varcull edmayer.

there.


man. still ahead!

ModernMom said...

LOL This is one I have not seen! I am honored and will do my very best to post this baby :)

Thanks sweetie!

Kearsie said...

Me and Edward both give you a high five for this odorous award. Except, be careful. Edward is exhuberant in his high fives and might poke you in the eye instead.

MoonNStarMommy said...

LOL!!! What an awesome award!! I have 4 boys, I know all about those giggly toxic fumes.... oh yeah, 5 if you count the grown one...that I married.

Visiting from SITS!

beenomom said...

Funny, funny lady!! Returning the favor and stopping by from SITS also! Thanks for checking me out. I look forward to your posts! I love laughing and relating to others out there!

Kristi W. said...

Glad my question could be the source of your blog award inspiration.

:)

Creative Junkie said...

Holy crap - I'm worth noxious fumes wafting over from canine fannies?

I think I'm totally honored! Thank you!

Maven said...

First of all thankyou Kim!!!!!!!!!! And sorry I didn't get here sooner - yesterday was NUTS with filling out college loan applications for TH.

And second, this is my favourite award EVER.

Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!! I love it, will blog about it tomorrow, will proudly display it, and will pass it on!

Mass Hole Mommy said...

Wow, thanks. I think. LOL! This is a new one to me, but you must REALLY like my blog. LOL!!!

This Crazy Thing Called Motherhood said...

Wise are you, that you should think me worth of such an award!

lol

Seriously, Yoda likey!!! Thank you!

Claire Gutschow said...

Wow, what an honor! Our basset hound is gaseous maximus, so to think you would endure that.... tears I tell you, tears (and not from the noxious gasses in case you were wondering)! Seriously, thanks for all the laughs...

The Retired One said...

Ah, HONEY! What a wonderful surprise to come to your blog today to see that you gave me a shout out. You DOLL you!

And as a side note, we once had a wonderful Irish Setter (she was in our lives for 15 glorious years and I miss her still) who when she farted, she would hang her head down and leave the room right away...because she was so used to us saying OH GOD..was THAT YOU???
True. Story.

Ian said...

Wow, that pic of the dog is the funniest goddam thing I have read in a long time. Found you from another great blog - Mass Hole, and now following along.

Check out my site as well, I follow some of the funniest, shoot coffee outta your nose blogs out there :)

Ian

thedailydoseofreality.blogspot.com

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