Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Tuesday Twitters

Jacob is now a Ninja; his first official act of Ninja business was to steal the knobs off my kitchen cabinets and hide them around the house. Very Ninja-y, right?

Watch this Ask A Ninja video. I love this.

I was running soccer drills with the kids and wanted to school them on kicking the ball hard. I was all, “watch this!” and, as I tried to “bend it like Beckham”, I instead bent my big toenail back halfway. I instantly went from being Beckham to being Andrew Dice Clay. In my head of course, I must protect my childrens’ delicate ears and my reputation around the neighborhood. I need new sneakers.

I am about to watch Twilight, and I hope I hate it. I already hate reading. Unless, everyone expects me to hate it, then I shall like it. But I won’t read. I hate conforming.

Little ants have been crawling out of my computer. Yes, I am off my medication, and the whole family has seen this happen! It’s not my imagination! I think they are attracted to the food crumbs and sticky goo from childrens’ fingers on the keyboard. I don’t put the laptop on my lap anymore; I don’t want ants in my pants!

My husband’s hair is now long enough to put back in a ponytail. Let me tell you something; I likey. I likey a lot…

I think I hear crickets chirping; not because no one is reading my blog, but because I think there are crickets in the house...

If you saw how I clean raw fruits/vegetables, you would understand why my friends call me a “germaphobe”, to which I say, what do you expect? My mom bleached raw chicken…

Remember the days when you would spontaneously color your hair, because it was “cool”, and “trendy”, and “fun”? Now it’s just a reminder of “old age” and it’s a “chore” and “cumbersome” and “depressing”. Sigh.

Speaking of Twilight, I have a ridiculous amount of friends obsessed with Edward. I would organize an intervention, but there are too many of them, and I am afraid I would lose a leg or something.

Man, the Prince commercial from YouTube was deleted due to copyright issues. I TOTALLY forgot how “crazy” psycho Prince is about his music being played and promoted just anywhere, willy-nilly, to tons of people. What video you ask? Ya know, that video I allegedly had of the commercial on here…

Never underestimate the power of bubblegum, especially when it lands in your hair, or on the carpet.


w said...

dude. you will hate twilight. severely. mainly because when you watch it - you'll want to be with edward. but you'll know that you can't be. because he's with me. so. yeah. you will hate it.

there are worse things in your neighborhood than a potty mouth. like parties that go boom. big brother is watching.

ants in your pants are not good. i imagine you dancing like hannah montana. and that. that is scary.

am i going to hear about your toe injury for the next week? do not take pain killers. i need you alert.

ward up.

The Retired One said...

I am sorry. But I think I will need PROOF of the "I'm off my medication".
Nice. Try.
The Retirement Chronicles

Kearsie said...


That video...hilarious...Jessica Tandy....hahahhaahahahahahahaa

Ok, my Twitters for today:

I went to Subway and went through the drive thru and over the speaker the Indian lady thought I wanted a large Diet Coke. I felt too bad to correct her. Now I have a whoppin beverage sweating all over my desk.

I've got Flo Rida in my head and I'm wondering just what are apple bottom jeans?

My lips are chapped.

If the phone rings one more time I'm going to stop up my ears with crumpled up post it notes.

I keep a list of books I want to read. I fail to take said list with me every.single.time. I go to the library.

Jennifer said...

Wait. Your mom did WHAT to chicken?...

robin said...

i say just stand out in the middle of the courtyard and have a big ole fit! cuss and the whole bit! come on kim!!!! you will only be at merrick for a few more short years!!! develop the reputation as "that crazy lady" and when i come for a visit we can look out your windows and scare people! or i could pose as your social worker....i see a lot of good blogging material coming from this idea.

you said your mom bleached chicken....do you?

Melissa said...

LOL! Are you SURE you are off the meds??

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