Saturday, March 14, 2009

Jumping the Shark with Poop

I might be jumping the shark here, pulling out some "low-brow" humor, just to entice and bring in readers, maybe like I did with my fart post and my potty post. But really, I am a mom, and some of these topics are still quite relevant, so, until I have exhausted them completely, they will probably keep showing up.

Yes this is about poop. No, not actually poop poop, well, yes, poop poop...but…sigh.

It’s like this. I am tired of listening to my kids talk about poop.

It all started years ago, when a dad of the group announced loudly in front of all the boys that he liked to "eat poop”. Of course he was joking, but the damage was done. All the boys exploded with laughter, and I verbally assaulted the dad, in code language, for his ill-timed and ill-tempered gaffe. He just shrugged it off. He is the dad; he is not generally the one at play dates, grocery stores, or soccer practices dealing with the ramifications of such statements. However, his boys got him back big time at a birthday party for a grandparent, when the youngest held the mic, in front of all the family and friends, during his "happy bday grandpa" speech and announced, “I eat poop!” See? Ya reap what ya sow.

We have all done it; we make that one tiny little mistake, of laughing, and suddenly poop is a word used more than the word, “the” or even “no”.

It embarrasses me when they talk about poop in front of complete strangers. You just don’t do that! Wait, um…ok…I know most of you are complete strangers…

And you just don’t throw around words like poop, turd, nugget, stink log, hershey squirts, and crap! It’s a cheap way to get attention and hollow laughter. Yeah I know…I used poop in the title hoping you would click on my post.

Adults do not think poop is funny anyway! It’s not funny when my kids talk about it every 5 seconds. And it’s definitely not funny when I play Pet Society on Facebook, and my little cat character leaves dancing poop all over the house, and I can move it around and give it to other peoples' pets as a gift. Not even when we bought my grandma moose poop earrings as a joke and later found out she was actually wearing them. Not even when I talk about my horrible IBS and compare a bout of diarrhea to a terrible car accident.

Mr. Hankey wasn’t even funny, and I didn't even need to watch South Park to know that. See, it’s not worth talking about!

So I nag at my kids, and threaten all sorts of punishment, like taking away games or treats after dinner. I tell them that there is nothing funny about poop, how it looks, smells, what it sounds like coming out. It’s not funny to say you are going to eat it, poop on the floor, poop in your underwear, call someone a poopyhead, or imagine people like Brad Pitt, Martha Stewart, or your grandparents pooping. I tell them no one wants to know if they pooped, unless they haven’t pooped for days, then it might be a good idea to tell someone. I tell them that poop is in the same category as fart. And I don’t want to hear about it, hear them talk about it, or joke about it. Because none of it is funny. Period.

Speaking of periods…


The Retired One said...

Oh crap. I mean sh-t, I mean.....
Well, it will only get worse as they learn worse words...but good luck to ya'
Your humor will get you thru sound like such a good mom. LOL

Ripper Arts said...

Four boys, five including hubby. I can relate. I constantly am saying, no potty talk at the table!!!

w said...

did you write this post because of me? because you know i hold my poo? because after i poo, i have to nap?


mayer poops. vartan holds it in.

Banteringblonde said...

Poop is a four letter word. We love POOP!!! The only thing better than being a "meanie stupid head" is being a "poop face".

Anonymous said...

It's a disease that all children are afflicted with. My kids:

Emma: Hey Addie.
Addie: What.
Emma: Poop.
Emma and Addie: *Laugh hysterically*

I don't get it.

Insanitykim said...

It seems you all love poop, just as much as Winn does...hmmm

Guess what?

Shark poop!


Hannah said...

Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard through this whole post! I don't have kids, but I work with them and I've got a bunch of little boy cousins :-) Thanks for the laugh!


Burps, farts and poop. If you have a son, or you're married to a man, or you had a dad or a brother or a guy cousin - farts and poop and burps will always be funny.

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