Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Guilt Trip

Hey all!

Here's a post from a "guest" blogger! She (allegedly) did something bad, and would like to get it off her chest...enjoy!

. . . .

That’s it. I am a bad mom. It is official…I am waiting for my trophy in the mail, or the warrant to be issued…

Of course, I have some things going for me, like,

- I love to home school (that alone should shoot me right up to sainthood!)

- I give my kids Flintstone vitamins, and fresh fruit and veggies everyday.

- I don’t let my kids drink soda.

- I play “soccer mom” in moderation, allowing them fun and socializing activities.

- I spray whipped cream in their mouths, for fun…I am SO cool!

- I try to teach them patience, charity and how to be thankful.

- I don’t allow TV in the house, which means they don’t watch commercials, know of Miley Cyrus, or Victoria and what her “secret” is…

- I don't even swear!

And yet, all of that is negated by the fact…

That…

I (allegedly) broke the law. Yep, me and Judas Priest, peas in a pod…

Yeah...and my son became SO upset (because he was (allegedly) involved) that I am CONVINCED he will blab his guilty conscience to the first cop we see…and then I am doomed.

Here’s what happened…

During the school lesson yesterday, we learned about what it meant to be a “good” citizen; we talked about being a part of a community, contributing to the good of said community, and our rights and responsibilities within that community.

There were many examples of what this meant, from our right to assemble and worship how we choose, to cleaning up litter we see on the streets, to working with local officials to make our city a better place overall.

The lesson also talked about (gulp) laws and how it is our responsibility to follow them, not break them. And the downfall of my sainthood in my child’s eyes went something like this:

Me: “So some laws we should follow are, not littering, not stealing, and always wearing your seatbelt AND for children to be in booster seats until they are 80 pounds.”

Son: “Mom?”

Me: “Yes?”

Son: “Remember that day in your friend’s car?”

Me: “Ummmm…”

Son: “Ya know, when we were with ______ and ______?” (I am allegedly protecting people here)

Me: “Ummmm, yes I do…” (I am frantically trying to figure out my response, I know what’s coming)

Son: “Well, _______ and me rode on the floor of the car!”

Me: “Yes…yes you did…we had no choice-“

Son: “WE [allegedly] BROKE THE LAW??”

Me: “Well, uh…well, allegedly, but, our cell phones died! And we couldn’t get a hold of anyone, and...and...she had to leave and I didn’t want to have to walk, and it was late and we needed to get home and there were weird people and wolves and aliens in the trees and I was wearing heels and it was winter and and and…”

Son: “What if a cop saw us?”

Me: “Well, he couldn’t, as you were [allegedly] on the floor of the car.”

Son: “BUT WHAT IF HE DID?”

Me: “We…would have gotten in trouble.”

Son: “WE WOULD HAVE GONE TO JAIL?”

Me: “No, at most we would have [allegedly] gotten a citation.”

Son: “WHAT’S A CITATION?”

Sigh…

There is no way to rationalize (allegedly) breaking the law, but I continued to try as my son's face contorted at every excuse and reason I gave. Finally, I relented, as he clearly wasn't buying the alien reference.

So I (allegedly) confessed.

Me: “Yes son! I [allegedly] broke the law! I am [allegedly] a bad person! I [allegedly] put my needs and reasons above the law! I [allegedly] claimed I was BETTER than the law! I [allegedly] found reasons to break it, and I was [allegedly] convinced I wouldn’t get caught! And I [allegedly] involved you! You [allegedly] are an accessory to a crime!”

This did not go over well.

Now, in my "possible" need for a "defense", (because I cannot stop defending myself anyway) the law in the state we were in was um, not too strict, and this (alleged) "guilt trip" wasn't even 1/2 mile down a side road (allegedly to a coffee shop so I could allegedly use the phone).

It is so weird how, at their age, I used to stand up at the dashboard of the truck on road trips because it was fun, and never wore a seat belt...or a helmet while riding my bike, or sunscreen...

And besides, Madonna and Britney were TOTALLY snubbing the law during their little car trips, on highways, in traffic! There are pictures! And what about school buses? I mean COME ON!!! Why can the public school system "break the law" everyday??

Sigh...

So, in weighing all the options at the time, it (allegedly) seemed like the best option. But, my dear parental friends, let this be a "potential" lesson to us all, as little eyes and ears and consciences are alert, and watching everything we do, and those tragic memories are cataloged, and will come out when we least expect it...yet for me it will probably be the next time we see a cop...

13 comments:

w said...

i know who your "guest" blogger is. and i am telling. the statute of limitations is not yet up. there's gonna be some trouble.

varoom. varoom. vartanroom.

Kearsie said...

I am so calling DHR on your "guest" blogger.

The Retired One said...

The Guest Blogger will be found out..from that guilty look in his/her face. But it was a good post, so we can all forgive him/her!

Mary K Brennan said...

Sometimes breaking the law is for the greater good. Want to really scare "guest blogger's" son? Tell him about a day when there were no air bags, seatbelts, helmets for bicyclist, and we drank out of the garden hose!!!!

Melissa said...

lol!! I am glad it is not just my life.... the next generation is WAY to smart:-)

ps, kim,m everytime I come here - that popping bubble souns scares me - I think it is my computer crashing, lol!!!!!

Melissa said...

oooopss- sorry for the typos - I was watching survivor at the same time :-(

Insanity Kim said...

Hey gals, "Guest blogger" is enjoying all of your comments, by the way...she just might post again!

Yeah Melissa I don't know what that popping sound is! I get it too! Sorry about that, I would change it if I knew what it was!!!

Don't tell me what happens on 'Vivor, we watch it on Fridays!!! :)

Jenny said...

I'm never having kids. Serious.

ellie yan dot com said...

OH my dayz this was such a fun read. I will be back for more, hilarious!

The Retired One said...

That popping sound is the cork on the champagne bottle, sillies!

Anonymous said...

OK totally off the subject!! Survivor is on now?? You watch it on Fridays? Did it come on last night?? What? Man...I'm missing everything!!! And um...Kearsie, I don't think I'd be turning anyone in. Lance???? HELLO!!!
--Jaime W.--

goldensparks said...

Hi Friend.. Interesting post.. Keep up the good work.. Do visit my blog and post your comments.. take care mate.. Cheers!

Jessica (Hey Lola) said...

If you and I ever do get in a fight and you decide not to run and throwing a hot noodle and a cat at you doesn't result in my winning...I'm going to the cops with your "guest blogger." Yeah...'cause I fight all dirty like that. They'll probably put your "guest blogger" in jail for 30 years or something...I once knew a guy who got 10 years for eating a nut out of one of those bulk nut bins at the health food store so, you know...you shouldn't mess with the law. Or me. Yeah.

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