Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I'm Not Me if I Don't Talk about SPIDERS!

I would say that my blog, over the past two years, has received the most hits from people searching the word, "spiders" or the words, "big, hairy spiders" or, "freaking scary spiders"...why, you ask?

Well, because...

ACK!

and...

ACK!

and...
GACK!


and...
FOR THE LOVE!

and...
FLIPPIN' WOLF SPIDER ABOVE MY HEAD!

and...
APPLE PIE!

and...

BLARGING FRIGGIN CRIPES!


What does apple pie have to do with anything? Nothing, just trying to give you a break from freaking out over freaking scary spiders. Plus, that was a great apple pie! And that last pic, that's my dad's tarantula, Spidey, that I bought him...for Christmas...moving on...

So see, when I first got here, I was totally freaked out by spiders, like, hyper-ventilating, levitating, scream-at-the-top-of-my-lungs freaked out! And I really wasn't sure I could survive in a place where black widows and brown recluse ran amok...

But now I am so over it!

OK, OK...so if a spider were crawling on me right now I would totally wig-out and knock my laptop and coffee over and scream and claw at my skin and probably break my hip BUT...as I am writing this let me tell you, I am so over being scared of spiders! Case in point...

I get home today and the hubby looks at me quite seriously.

Hubby: "Look what's in the glass in the kitchen. You're not gonna like it!"

Me: *Dashes over to glass thinking it's a flea* "Oh, it's a spider."

Hubby: "Yeah but look at it!"

Me: "Yeeeeeeeah? It's a spider! It's not a black widow! It's too small and no markings!"

Hubby: "Nooooo...it's that brown recluse thing!"

Me: *Peering into the glass* "Nah. It's just one of those ordinary garden orb-weaver thingies. There's no violin markings."

Hubby: "You sure?" *Pointing to the spider chart on the computer*

Me: "Pshyeah I'm sure! Brown recluse are bigger and lighter colored and not so bulb-like!"

Hubby: "So, you're not worried about that one either?" *Pointing to spider web in corner of kitchen floor*

Me: "Heck no! It's got a pill bug see? It's helping me!"

Hubby: "Well, I am sure company wouldn't be happy to see spiders all over the house."

Me: " Well of course I would remove them before people come over! Besides, he's helping me keep the place tidy for now."

And with that y'all, I took the spider in the glass, and dropped him right on my kitchen floor. ON PURPOSE. He crawled right over into the corner, happy as a clam, or, um, a spider. For the week he will help me capture anything else in the house I don't want. Unless it's a bat. And if there is a bat well then that's a whole different story!

So you see, I have grown, changed, bonded with arachnids, all for the greater good. I'm so awesome.


10 comments:

w said...

what is wrong with you? you've gone senile in your old age, man. i would've dropped the thing. and then stepped over it.

also. what's the deal with their big butts? they look like pudilums.

sorry about the old comma man.

w said...

carp. stepped ON it.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

What in the fucking shit fuck is that hot mess of pictures for? Yoiu have scarred me for life now.

Dee Crowe said...

Ahhhhhhh and aghhhhhh and eeeeek! You see..where I live spiders like to crawl in hair..ick....

aghhhhhhhhhh!

The pie looks most excellent

Sara said...

Oh my word.... I have some scary spiders at my house, but NOTHING like that. Although maybe on the brown recluse. I don't really know, because I KILL them. Sadly, over on Wordpress, spiders were how the search engines directed people to my blog. Also, HVAC.

Kearsie said...

Remember that time when people found my blog by searching for porn? Good times...good times...

Also, I scoured that pie pic looking for spiders. Now I never want to eat pie. Ever.

The Retired One said...

You DO love your bugs. ha

Much More Than Mommy said...

RrrraaAAAAiiiiid!!!

I know that's for roaches, but like the movie quote on FB, it just kind of fit.

Creative Junkie said...

*thud* <----- that's me, after looking at that 2nd photo. WTF is that?

So you're OK with spiders? Because if I was thinking you were a little off before? I'm almost sure of it now.

Ivy Bliss said...

Maybe I'll start tagging all my posts with the word spider. We can have a battle of the spider-tag-off...
I do love this. Bugs are part of the world, and as such, never really made me squirm. But I do kill them with more swiftness than Woody Allen in "Annie Hall" (but never had the opportunity for make-up sex because of it, sigh...).

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