Friday, April 16, 2010

Forget Rogaine, I Know How to Grow Hair Wherever You Want It...

Yes, we live in a world where us women must remove as much hair as possible to be attractive. Have any of you heard of the vajazzle yet?? No? Google Jennifer Love Hewitt and vajazzle together. Then laugh hysterically and bleach your eyes. Now on to my post.

My son is inspired by his dad. He often gushes about how he admires his dad and wants to be like him, which is so awesome. I feel blessed.

He also talks about wanting a beard, like daddy. And actually, when he is about 13, thanks to his Italian heritage, he should have more whiskers than daddy, who didn't even get whiskers until he was about 23, unlike me, who has been in the practice of extreme deforestation of the eyebrows and upper lip (and legs) since the age of 9. It's hard being hairier than your hubby...anyway...this is the post of digression, and possibly uncomfortable visuals. Hang on tight...

So honestly, I don't remember how it came about, but, I now patty-cake Jacob's face frequently saying, "we have to grow your beard! Let's grow that beard!" Now I'll admit, even lightly tapping the face repeatedly doesn't feel all that good, but, the boy relishes it. He laughs and laughs and runs away with me chasing him saying, "hey! you don't want pork chop side burns on just one side! Let me get the other side!" Then he comes back, grabs my hand and makes me tap his forehead. "I'll have a forehead beard now!" He guffaws.

But tonight things changed.

I was attacked.

Despite my ability to successfully plant a growing beard on both my son AND my daughter's foreheads, their little fast hands were too much for me. By next week I should have a beard on my bellybutton and left shoulder blade, as well as one extra hairy armpit. And they couldn't be happier about it.

Have fun with your kids y'all...and if you have a bedazzler at home, don't get any ideas...


11 comments:

Dee Crowe said...

My mind runs wild about the whole vajazzle thing...I hate to say it but I'm intriqued..and disturbed...I'm...hmmm..inturbed

I too am a hairy woman...but I find it incredibly nice and cozy to be hairy during the winter....

Miss Fit said...

Kids are awesome. Our oldest son is anxious to go hunting with dad and wants to mount a deer...over his bed. His bed is the top bunk. Imagine waking up to Bambi every morning.

ModernMom said...

Not too many extra hair problems around these parts! I could talk to you about the extra hormones surging through the house with three girls and one outnumbered hubby! :)

Kearsie said...

hahahahahhaha!

Sadly, I don't own a bedazzler. However, should I hear the need for a spoon or fork with jewels on it, I'll whisk away to the nearest flea market and haggle for that bad boy.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

oh man. Your family is seriously as whacked out and crazy as mine is.

Creative Junkie said...

I am 100% full blooded Greek. By the time you finish reading this, I could look like Sasquatch.

You should try eyebrow threading ... a little more painful than plucking or waxing but incredible results!

And I'm staying far far away from all things vagazzle ... there are so many things I could say about it, I'm simply overwhelmed.

MiMi said...

This is hilarious! And slightly scary.
And now that I'm reading Creative Junkie's comment I can't stop laughing!!!

SeriousMom said...

Not only did I inherit my father's Mexican hair follicles, but I got his sweat glands too. (My mother only needs to apply deodorant once a month.) Not a good combo.

w said...

why do you hate me? i never wanted to know what vajazzling was.

i mean. dude. garyougous beads don't belong near old man parts. ack! also. you always make me bleach my eyes. i don't like to see people's pudivates!

Ivy Bliss said...

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Thanks,
Ivy

sanjeet said...

Your family is seriously as whacked out and crazy as mine is.
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