Friday, November 6, 2009

The Homeschool Workout

So I have had a weird week ya'all, with that other blog, with MY name, talking about male enhancement drugs; Google alerts has been all, "do you see this kim? Can you believe I am alerting you to this?" Anyway...

I got my blog roll back (yes! Cabbage Patch!) but I haven't perused my fave blogs lately, and I have been trying to get back on track with home schooling, being sick that week really did set us back. And at the moment, I have a son who is staring at the clock instead of his multiplication problems. And guess what I am doing? I am sitting, and now blogging, because I don't want to pull my hair out.

And sitting is what I do, mostly, when schooling. I mean, we do projects and things outside the home but, when it is time to hunker down and get some serious bookwork done, I don't leave the table. See I read somewhere that when you're teaching you shouldn't be emptying the dishwasher or plucking your eyebrows or stuff like that, you need to be alert and on task to make sure your children are working at a nice pace, at least at these younger ages. However I have to be careful because then I might start hovering and saying, "focus and do your math!" every three minutes, because someone is staring out the window or trying to eat their pencil.

So you all have heard that fidgeting burns calories, right? Approximately 350 extra calories per day can be used up just by shaking your legs, tapping your toes or banging your head against a wall due to frustration. Taking this into consideration, I have just now come up with a new, original, and exciting, never-before-seen-or-thought-of-by-anyone-ever, AND effective, and addicting, AND amazing exercise regime that will sweep the nation, because it can be utilized easily and successfully by us home school moms during days like this, or even those who sit at a desk all day. And you can be sure this works because I am highly qualified, and I know exactly what I am talking about, and though I haven't tested this program and cannot guarantee that it works or that it won't cause permanent injury, I endorse it because it's free and hey, why would you really listen to me anyway? Here we go...

KIM'S SIT AND FIDGET YOUR WAY TO AWESOME SLIMNESS EXERCISE PROGRAM!

-For 5 minutes lift your heels off the ground, with your toes on the ground, repeatedly and squeeze your calves. Sometimes music helps you with this. My friend Kearsie might recommend Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus, but I do not. Holding your ears and writhing in pain doesn't burn as many calories.

-For 5 minutes tighten and release your glutes, holding for 20 and resting for 10. You may not be able to walk after this, but is a good exercise for excessive gas issues...

-For 5 minutes, while sitting up straight and holding your stomach in, raise your legs straight out and then lower them back down, flexing your thighs and holding for a second when legs are extended; point your toes to intensify the burn. Do not eat a candy bar while doing this, it just negates all your efforts.

-For 5 minutes hold legs straight out, and open and close legs while flexing every muscle you got, even if it's just two, or one. Do this 25 times then rest for 10 seconds and repeat, unless you're gassy, then refer back to the glute exercise.

This is 30 min of activity folks! My son doesn't even finish a math page within that time! Imagine how fit I am gonna be, and better yet how fit YOU'RE gonna be! Tell me if it works for you! I promise not to send you a bill. Peace out.


9 comments:

Kearsie said...

Oh man, this is too good. Your exercise regime reminds me of my brainchild I had eons and a decade ago about the "Slim Down While You Sit Down" exercise program wherein you wave your arms and legs around and just appear spastic.

Yours is way better though, because my program failed to address the Plight of Gas.

w said...

your edcercise regimayerine sounds way too cullmplicated.

mainly because it all has to do with the legs, etc. i advarise you to do the chicken wing pump instead.

robin said...

i think i love you more after reading this post. you should seriously drive over to alabama while i am there and we could do a promo video for the exercise program! you will be famous. i shall begin looking for good background music to the beat of the exercises.....

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Next you need to release a video so we can follow along. You could make at least a million pennies, right? ;)

You crack me up! But you KNOW I'm going to be trying out your little regime while I'm sitting at my computer.... ;)

Jenny said...

I'm thinking movin' my hips like yeah may burn a bunch of calories too, but your exercises seem nice and fun. And I don't have to stand. That's a plus.

xoxo,
JB

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

this is far too much exercise for me. get something worked up where typing burns 1000 calories and i'm all in.

hey i love this blog and i would love it if you would be one of my top blogs of the week. let me know if you are interested. shoot me an email speakingfromthecrib@yahoo.com

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

Brilliant! I'm doing leg lifts as we speak.

Dee Crowe said...

I have to admit I did try this...and yes, i was gassy. It was great! I'm a part-time home schooler..lol..meaning I have workbooks and pages I give my daughter at night that fills in where the school she goes to sorely lacks...so there I sit...hovering over her...and now I do leg lifts.

And fart :D

The Retired One said...

Sounds like a play-by-play of when I do my income tax returns. (Between bouts of explosive diarrhea). ha

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