Monday, January 26, 2009

My Back Bares Africa (BEWARE OF PHOTO!!)

As a mom, we all look for those “happy little moments” where we get peace, or just a moment to feel good. I often found those moments in a long, hot bath, all alone, soaking and enjoying the silence. Those precious moments are few and far between, am I right or not??

But recently, with the cold weather snap, and the kids bouncing off every surface in the house, I have found nearly the same comfort in a heating pad, placed on my back. The warmth makes me feel cozy and relaxed…mmmmm…

I have been doing this every day, for over a month now. I am now quite addicted to heat, and the hotter the heating pad, the better.

Unbeknownst to me, heating pads carry a little something called Infrared Heat, and, long-term exposure does something, um, nasty. Behold (BEWARE!)











This is hyper-pigmentation due to over-exposure to a heat source, such as, you guessed it! A heating pad! This, is on my back…it is not a traditional burn, and I found it by accident.

Now MINE isn’t THIS bad, but um, y’all…I burned Africa into my back. That’s right. AFRICA!! (can you see a chihuahua in this one? I can!!)

It may go away in a few months, at least that is what I am hoping. I can’t afford laser treatments!

I never thought I would actually become the topographical relief map I not too long ago joked about, and I almost thought I could use my new found mark for some weird homeschooling project. But, instead, this experience had caused the song Africa, by Toto, to run through my head, day and night, for the past few days. And, to my delight, I found that the lyrical meaning goes much deeper than intended, like the marks under my skin. I went to great lengths to prove that this song was meant for my recent injury.

Here is the actual meaning (my interpretation following each verse)…

I hear the drums echoing tonight
(My head is pounding from the all the noise my orangutan kids made today!)

But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
(The voices in my head are telling me I need to lay on my heating pad…)

She’s coming in 12:30 flight
(In a few more hours I will be in bed!!)

The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
(The TV Guide alerts me to a new episode of True Beauty - yes!)

I stopped an old man along the way
(I turn over to my hubby,)

Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies
(And with loving eyes I say, “baby, you know what I need?”)

He turned to me as if to say, "hurry boy, it’s waiting there for you"
(He throws me the heating pad and says, “you know, you use this thing too much!”)

Chorus:
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
(I am addicted somethin’ fierce to you, Heating Pad!)

There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
(I don’t care WHO is hurting in the house, you are MINE!)

I bless the rains down in Africa
(But you burned the blessed continent of Africa into my back!!)

Gonna take some time to do the things we never had
(Crap, it’s gonna be a loooooooong time before I can wear a backless dress again!)


OOO! OOO! Da da, da da, da da da da doooooooo
Da da, da da, da da da da doooooooo


The wild dogs cry out in the night
(My friends who I phoned groaned in agony)

As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
(As they tried to find a way to hang up and not hear any more about this burn on my back.)

I know that I must do what’s right
(Yeah, yeah, I know I have to stop using the heating pad!)

Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
(Or else I will have to label Kilimanjaro and the Serengeti on my back too!)

I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that I’ve become
(I hope this hyper-pigmentation goes away! I look like Seth Brundle!!!)


It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
(I flippin’ love you, Heating Pad!)

There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
(Forget hot water bottles and hot rocks, you are IT!!)

I bless the rains down in Africa
(But you burned the continent of Africa into my back!!)

Gonna take some time to do the things we never had
(How am I supposed to wear a swimsuit this summer?)

Instrumental break
(Do you need a break from reading this?)

Hurry boy, she’s waiting there for you
(Call a doctor I need an appointment STAT!)

It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
(Boy Heating Pad, you sure blew it!)

There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
(It’s gonna take laser surgery to get rid of these marks!)

I bless the rains down in Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa
(You burned Africa into my back! You burned Africa into my back!!!)

I bless the rains down in Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa
(YOU FRIGGEN BURNED AFRICA INTO MY BACK!!!)

Gonna take some time to do the things we never had
(Forget that backless dress…I’ll sell it on Ebay.)

11 comments:

Vickie said...

OMG. Are you telling me that might never go away??!! Holy Crap!

Now, I am afraid to use a heating pad.

I loved your interpretation of the song:)

Insanity Kim said...

Don't worry Vickie,

I seriously was using the pad more than any human being without some chronic painful condition should. A couple of hours here and there won't do this. And, infrared heat isn't dangerous per se...

I am just a dork that needs to wear a sweater when I am cold!

I am hoping in about 2 months it will be gone!

And thanks! I was afraid I was becoming whacked...

w said...

i'm going on a safari trip next week. come with me so that if the truck breaks down, we'll have you and your back map to guide us safely home.

are you related to dora the explorer? she carries a map in her BACKpack. but she also has mayernaise, too.

dora's map song (with interpretation):
i'm the map
(i'm the map)
i'm the map
(i'm the map)
i'm the map!
(i'm the map)

The Retired One said...

I am about to MAKE YOUR DAY. You can continue your love for your heating pad. Just fold a towel around it, slip it in a pillow case and then lay on it. There....you CAN have your cake and eat it too. (So THERE, Africa! You, like the other continents that we no longer talk about because we don't know they ever existed...can just disappear into the ocean) !!!

Insanity Kim said...

Winn...you make me LAUGH! OLLID!

Joan, that is what a normal person would do, I agree. But, I love the searing heat on my skin...it actually is already layered in its own cloth and my my shirt is a barrier, but, I have this thing with heat...so, for the sake of my back, I probably just need to stay away...or I can work on some sort of detox program, slowly reducing the heat and time until I can use the pad like a normal person. Sigh...

Cheeky Greek said...

Ok, that was hilarious...not the burn, but the song. And I'm sure your burn will go away! Give it time, and a break from the Africa maker!

Kearsie said...

Just think, soon it shall be summer and you can slip ice packs down your shirt and freeze Africa. It might be the only time Africa is cold.

This is not funny because my funny hasn't come back yet.

Jessica (Hey Lola) said...

Holy crap! For real...Also, I love that song so I couldn't linger too long over your lyrics or they might forever replace the original lyrics in my head and then you and I would have to have a fight.

True story - I did that exact same thing to my thigh from resting my laptop on it. It went away after about a month. Also..."The Lola Show?" Awesome...really awesome.

Insanity Kim said...

OK Lola,

AHA! You know what I'm talking about!!

Your first show will need to be about "The Dangers of Infrared Heat and Beyonce Lyrics" and I shall be your first guest.

If the audience gets restless, then we can duke it out, Springer Style, and just get it out of the way. ;)

Insanity Kim said...

Kearsie you sneaked in here!!

And while freezer burn is not funny, you my dear, are...

Anna said...

at least you don't hove so religious or historical figure on your back and at least it is on your back...could be worse!

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