Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Petting Zoos will Kill...Your Ability to Take Awesome Photos

OK, so you all know I have an awesome camera and I take photos like an addict takes meth, seriously. And, it takes pictures like this:

Aaaaaaaaaaaand like this:

Awww dang, I have to stare at that for a minute, that is a gooooood pic!

Um, what? Yes. I take pictures of bugs. How long have you hung out here?

Anyway...

So we went to a fun festival this past weekend with good friends, which consists of a 15,000 light show, viewed while driving through the horse park, ending in the museum with food, booths, model train sets, history of horses and stuff and things, and...outside in front...a petting zoo...

OK, OK wait, here's a light pic:

12 Days of Christmas. Awesome. Moving on.

So, if you frequent here, you also know that I am freaked out by germs and I use copious amounts of hand sanitizer, better known as "liquid fire", to kill whatever is on the hands of myself or my family or anyone in my proximity. I am not biased; if you are dirty, I will douse you.

SO of course you also know (well, maybe not) that any and every time we have frequented a fair or outdoor event that has a petting zoo, I will not, will NOT, allow my kids within 20 feet of it. All I can think of is animal sick ick pookey blech disease smelly anthrax yuck! Yes, I just said anthrax. The way I see it, is we are one step away from this kind of exposure:

OH GACK!

Now, while I realize this is not sane, remember I have never claimed to be sane, nor have I based any of my decisions/actions on sanity. I just don't roll like that. My poor kids, well, Audrey anyway, has been denied the simple pleasure of loving on cute little farm animals. See, this is what my influence has done to my son:


See that face of "GACK!"?? He did not want to be anywhere near the giraffe.

But on this night, we were with friends, who are great, and own a farm. And they raise goats, horses, and other four legged creatures. So, I knew, it was time to finally venture in and brave the petting zoo. I figured at least I would get some fantastic pictures of my daughter finally getting her wish of petting barnyard animals...so, here we go, pictures with commentary of our experience in the petting zoo...





ACK! WHAT THE FRICK IS THAT?!?! RUN JACOB! RUN!

BLARGING CRIPES! CAMEL! CAMEL COMING AT MY FACE! NOOOOOOOO!

WAIT IS THAT A CHICKEN? A COW? IT'S BREAKING THROUGH THE WIRE! DON'T LET IT TOUCH MEEEEEEEEEE!

Oh ok...baby goats are cute. Feed them. Yes. Baby goats never hurt anyone....sanitize your-

ACK! IT'S BUCKING! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!!!

BLAAAAAGAGGAMAMAMMA! DEMON LLAMA!

It'sgonnabitemeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTHRAX!

AUDREY RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIFE! WAAAAAAAAAIT! GET SOME PURRRRELLLL!

And, after all of that, I let her do this:

Her hands were dry, cracked and bloody, she might have even been a little tipsy, but I tell you, she had fun. The pics prove it. I am exhausted. The end.

10 comments:

w said...

hahaahahah! oh man. that was hilarious. also. petting farms are evil.

the picture of the demon llamayerma is my favorite.

the pig kissing girl, on the other hand. that picture made me almost cullapse.

i can't believe you varntured to a petting zoo.

Maniacal Mommy said...

Today my preschoolers backpack held notices that he had been exposed to not just strep throat, but head lice as well. Don't fear the animals. Fear their peers.

BTW, your pics are amazing!

One Cluttered Brain said...

What a scary visit to the petting zoo!EEK! The pig gave your son a french kiss. I'm not sure I want to know what the pig was thinking...

Funny post...:) Thanks for sharing.

Raoulysgirl said...

That was hilarious! That poor kid that kissed the pig...doesn't he know swine flu is going around?

I'm a germaphobe, too. My mother (my MOTHER) lives with us and has a lot of health problems. I had to take her to the local health department to get her H1N1 shot last week. I smacked her hand (!) when she put her ankle up on her knee and touched her shoe. Then, I grabbed the Germ-X and doused her like a 3 year old. MY 3 year old watched the whole thing unfold like it was nothing...she's used to it.

LOL!!!

Kearsie said...

Wow, this is THE perfect post. I was all aflood with emotions.

First, I vomited with disgust at the pig picture.

Second, I laughed at the blurry photos and commentary.

Third, I felt dirty.

I am now bathing in hanitizer.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

that was a fun ride

pun intended

muchmorethanmommy said...

HYSTERICAL! Loved every word and image! :-D

Vanessa

Jennifer said...

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaa! You are cray cray. Simply cray cray. And I love it! ;-)

This Crazy Thing Called Motherhood said...

I did one of those camel rides with Isabel when we were in MN this past summer...and it scared me! lol Its such an uneven ride and I am really scared of heights. I know, its not really THAT high but when you feel unbalanced, the smallest of heights seem quite larger.

Love the pictorial commentary! I am the same way with hand sanitizer and not letting my kids do the petting zoo stuff...for the most part. I let them try it once in MN and that was it. They had better have that memory burned into their brains. lol

Lauren said...

You almost had me on the floor! That was hilarious. :D The pictures just add to it. Almost like I was watching an extremely hysterical movie.

Stopping by from SITS,

Lauren

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