Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Tuesday Twitters


Today feels like Monday. And it doesn't feel good.

And to top it all off, a mosquito had me for breakfast.

I was having a hard time figuring out if Audrey had a cold or allergies, until she sneezed a humongoid green booger onto her arm. She was impressed, and the mystery was solved.

We are doing a science experiment, producing bacteria, which produce enough gas to fill a balloon. Jacob immediately said, "germs fart?" and laughed hysterically. Sigh.















Oh and if unexpected, booming thunderstorms ruin your outdoor, Labor Day, hiking plans? Next time just give the kids balloons...mine pummeled each other for an hour, and I took a nap.

It had been so long since I had been to the mall, that I sprayed myself with every sample perfume possible, used every lotion set out, and smelled so many Yankee candles you could have lit my nose on fire without harming my nose hairs. Then I went to the clubhouse and worked out. I smelled goooooooooood.

So get this; I went to the store, got my cart, wiped it down and started shopping in produce.

Yeah, that's riveting!!

I spent a good deal of my time picking out some bananas.

A good banana is easy to find, an INCREDIBLE bunch of bananas takes time and skill.

No, wait! There's more! I left my cart by a display of sliced pineapple to get cucumbers.

When I turned around, my cart was GONE! OooOoOoOOoOOOoOOoooOoOooOOoOoOoO

So were my bananas!

...

A bit of rage bubbled within me, and I promptly accosted the woman next to me, in a polite way, (because she too had bananas in the same spot I had put my bananas) and accused her of taking my cart. Upon inspecting her cart, and avoiding getting the crap beat out of me right next to the vine-ripened tomatoes, I came to realize this was in fact not my cart! She then became empathetic and helpful, because hey, she obviously knows what it takes to pick out bananas. We then together accosted everyone around us, including the produce guy, who swore he didn't see anyone take my cart, nor did he take my cart, nor were there any other workers in the immediate area who could have taken my cart! And just to complete the bizarre scenario, there was another woman following me around saying, "yes! I saw your cart! Then it was gone! Just gone! That is so weird! Who could have taken it! Did you have bananas?" I wanted to chat with her about alien abductions, but I had already wasted 30 minutes, whilst holding cucumbers, and incredibly inferior bananas, looking for my cart! Thank goodness I was wearing my liver-pack around my liver! (that's my awesome I-have-relented-to-being-35 purse, read here)

I then got a basket, something I could keep close to me, and as I shopped I eyed every cart I came across, harboring nearly enough gumption to confront the evil banana-cart-shoplifter (heh heh). But I never saw the cart, and believe me I scoured every cart in an obvious and uncomfortable way! I finished my shopping experience feeling quite weird, and I am left to assume I used so much hand sanitizer on my cart that the alcohol simply vaporized it into thin air. The End.

Oh, and how can I do a TT without one of these.


They are everywhere!

Have a great Tuesday ya'all!




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7 comments:

Kearsie said...

"yes! I saw your cart! Then it was gone! Just gone! That is so weird! Who could have taken it! Did you have bananas?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH oh man. I was seriously laughing out loud. Not just the shoulder bouncing chuckle, but true belly rippling laughs.

I shopped this weekend too. I had to settle for less than stellar bananas.

Jennifer said...

I'm a bit scurd. First, your cart AND bananas go missing. Then you leave us with that picture of the monster. Really, I need to watch a rerun of a funny movie on tv with some salty chips so I can feel safe again...

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

OK, I thought I had a scary looking spider on my post today...but you win! ;)

I've had my cart disappear before - those cart stealers are sneaky...wonder if they use an invisible cloak? I like your theory better, though, that the sanitizer vaporized it. Yeah, we'll go with that. ;)

w said...

i am terrified of balloons. and balloons that fart? and there's bacteria growing in them? that would result in squirting balloons. and by squirting, you know what i mean.

so this is the plan for your next produce shopping visit. wipe your cart down. head to pharmacy. place 2 pkgs of depends in the cart. that will secure your cart for you until you are finished picking bananas.

why isn't michael vartan following me?

robin said...

i was doing great until i got to the bug picture! what is that and is it dangerous!!!??? (panicking)

The Retired One said...

Its the Aliens.
Its always the Aliens, I tell ya!

magda said...

Apparently the spiders that frighten me have nothing on that beast in your photo. I wished I felt more of an appreciation for them. I would if I never had to see or think about them outside of their contribution to our ecosystem.

You have made me grateful for our spiders, in that they are not like yours!!

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