Saturday, August 22, 2009

In a Sea of Pumgars, I'll Stick with Being just "Mom" Thank You...

So, I read this news article, well, more of a pictorial, well, more just garbage with pictures, about how Hollywood Women are being categorized using zoo animals...well, saying that those in their 30's are "Pumas" and those in their 40's and beyond are "Cougars" (Kim Catrall being the first lucky Hollywood starlet to be coined a Cougar, rockin' a bikini in her 50's). Then this riveting piece of journalistic genius had me agog when it revealed that Jen Aniston is a "cougar" playing a "puma" in a new movie. Um, what?

Ok, first, I was all, what the heck is a puma and what is a cougar? I know they are cats, I just wanted a reference, so I had to look it up.

So um, apparently, according to wikipedia, they are the same thing! They are also called mountain lions, and panthers, just so you know. Might as well call them a Pumgar. Hmmm...

And as we can see, this is something all of us in our mid 30's to 40's need to consider, as the young folk get confused when trying to look through the Botox to identify Hollywood women according to cats of the Felidae family, that are like, the same exact animal.

But I would like to break this down a little more and really get to what it means to be a Puma/Cougar in the real world, as I am, one who isn't privy to a glamorous life-style, nerve paralysis or Photoshop.

So I went on-line to check the prime authority on all of this, The Urban Dictionary, to see where I stand in all of this. Apparently, a Cougar/Puma is...

-An older woman who frequents clubs.
(check...I go to Sam's Club quite often, especially for paper towels and fruit snacks)

-An attractive older woman who hunts down younger exciting men.
(check...hubby is 2 years younger, and though I am pretty sure of his location at all times, losing him at Sam's Club between the canned food isle and the electronics is pretty exciting!!)

-She looks and acts younger than her age.
(Pshyeah! All those Facebook quizzes I take say I am like, 23, which is like the shiz, so I send out my notification all proud like, Holla!!...what?)

-A hot mom.
(how about hot and cold mom? Not sure this one fits, my toes are always cold)

-An attractive older woman on the prowl.
(Dern right I am on the prowl! Those coupons ain't gonna get into my claws on their own! This week I get free Mayo! And I lost my ankle sock again, where the heck did it go???)

-A mature female mate who has no interest in reproducing.
(I willingly had two fantastic children in my 20's, otherwise, amen!)

-An older woman with an insatiable appetite for...
(Food? Sleep? Reality shows? COFFEE?? Surely they don't mean...oh...they do...insatiable? Um, next!)

-They prefer to attack men who are starving musicians or students.
(AHAHAHAHHAH! When dinner is about 20 minutes late, and my younger, guitar-playing, PhD seeking husband asks, again, when dinner will be, you BET I am attacking him!)

-Wears tight clothing, padded bras and has over-processed hair/skin.
(Hmmmmm...I wear pajamas, the second item only if I have to, and, is jet-black hair dye and caked-on adult acne cream considered over-processed?)

-Cannot be defined, can mean many things.
(Oh now THAT'S helpful. Back to the whole difference between "Cougar" and "Puma" thing I see...sigh...)

Puma, Cougar, in this crazy jungle of life, I'll just stick with Mom.


robin said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! youur a baaaad girl kimmy! who knew? post a bikini pic next!

Jennifer said...

Long live the Pumgar!!! Where's the club located? I'm joining. ;-)

w said...

you're the ultimate momma puma. rawr.

i frequent the club, too. and i act like i'm thirteen. and i have wet-look leggings. but i'm with an older man. so i suppose i'm not a puma. eh. i'm ok with being a reebok.


michael vartan was here.

Banteringblonde said...

hmm I"m with you. Although I wouldn't mind being a bear so that I could hibernate for a few months ;)

w said...

remember when we were playing farm town like 2 minutes ago and we met puma?

michael vartan was here. again.

Kearsie said...

This post really made me want to visit the zoo. And then watch Sex and the City. Surely all the clues to being all that and a bag of Prada products is in there.

Lynn Kellan said...

Since you, too, are an acne sufferer, I wanted to tell you that I just discovered a new acne treatment called "Zeno." It seems to work for my cystic acne very well. Those "underground" pimples don't get huge and actually go away a lot faster.

Unknown said...

My husband is almost 10 years younger than me. People call me a "cougar" all of the time. I'm not a fan. At all. Kind of makes me wish I really was some sort of cat...with ginormous claws...and I'm all feral and stuff and my fangs are freaking HUGE and I'm all "RAWRRRRRR!" and then I rip out their throats so that they can't call me a cougar anymore...except that would never happen because I'm totally a vegetarian. But, you know....I hate all that cougar nonsense.

Audrey said...

Oh my gosh!! That's just too funny - great way to start the day!! Love that!

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