Saturday, August 8, 2009

Coffee is the New Coffee

You know how they say, "pink is the new black" or "40 is the new 20" and stuff like like? Well, I'm here to say this; coffee is the new coffee.

Yes. Profound, eh? I thought so. See, it's not that I have a newly acquired addiction to coffee, like I wasn't drinking it before, everyday, all the time. It's not that my love for it is new and exciting, I have been drinking this stuff since I was nine. Yes, nine years old, friends! Got up every morning, flipped on, "Welcome to Pooh Corner" and tried to think of good reasons to give my mom as to why I didn't need to finish the third grade. Coffee, you see, has a way of making one feel knowledgeable, refined and "settled".

And recently I have been drinking coffee a lot. A lot a lot. Nearly three times a day a lot. OK, I may not drink as much as the espresso-hooked junkie that makes 18 trips a day to Starbucks or whatever, but, my day is sandwiched by coffee; I drink it in the morning, often at 3pm, and then again at night, giddy every time I hop over to make it. I tell ya, coffee is the only way I get my daily water intake...

And part of the reason I can do this is because I am, I think, immune to caffeine. Seriously. I can be finishing up my coffee at 11 pm and fall asleep with no problem at all. Yeah, it's a gift! Maybe it's because I began sneaking my dad's coffee when I was about 2 years old; he would take a nap, and I would tip-toe over and silently sip his coffee, all cold with that creamer skin on top. You junkies know what I am talking about...and then I never stopped. Just started drinking it every morning. And I am pretty sure that's why I didn't grow those last two inches the doctor predicted I would. Darn it.

And you know how "they" say that many people with fetishes or addictions find healthy ways to satiate their impulses, like, for example, pyromaniacs become firefighters? Well, I became a barrista, and the copious amounts of coffee I downed everyday never burned me out. I drank it all day long for three years.

Then I married my husband, who also worked in the business, for 14 years, in the corporate side of it all, and he smelled like coffee, brought home good coffee...mmm coffee...

That might be why my kids are begging me to start drinking coffee! Yeah, we were the parents that would let our kids taste daddy's doppio, two shots of straight espresso that when made correctly is quite delish, with aromatic hints of berries, chocolate or nuts...but when made bad tastes a lot like cough syrup and vomit. As a toddler, Jacob would often attempt to lick the inside of the emptied demitasse cup. We knew then we were gonna have a problem.

And yes, it has begun. Jacob is counting the days to his 9th birthday because he is ready to drink coffee in the morning, just like mommy, thus replacing his much "healthier" chocolate milk, and Audrey often looks up from coloring or playing with dolls and sighs pensively, "I could really use a la-taaaaay."

So, will I really allow them to start drinking coffee, and, ya know, start discussing philosophy with them, while having an afternoon latte and biscotti at a quaint cafe? Will I start to buy coffee cards to stick in their Christmas stockings? Will Jacob grow a goatee at age 10, and Audrey start wearing patchouli and playing guitar at open mike night at age 7? I don't know. Coffee does have a way of making you grow up fast, so hey, if I can get them working as barristas at age 13, just so they can get their fix, then it might be worth fostering an early addiction...what do you all think?

7 comments:

The Retired One said...

Can you believe that I know people that don't like coffee? I will offer to fix some and they say, nonchalantly: "no thanks...I don't like coffee".
I drink it, but I can only drink one half of a cup when it is super hot and then I have to throw it out when it gets lukewarm. I can have another 1/2 cup, but it must be hot. So what is THAT all about? I also detest any flavored coffees or any flavored creamers. Only regular coffee with sugar and regular cream...has to be medium tan. Too much creamer? It gets thrown out. Too much sugar? Ok, but I prefer one to two teaspoons max.
Love the smell of it brewing!

Lulu said...

"Audrey often looks up from coloring or playing with dolls and sighs pensively, "I could really use a la-taaaaay."

Hilarious!

BTW - I am your buddy - I'm here!! I sometimes lurk more than I comment - but I always read!

Squishes!
Lu

Kearsie said...

I am one of those weird and bizarre folk who do not drink coffee. I go to Starbucks for the chai tea. And the cheesecake. And muffins. And carrot cake.

So, reading those post, I just counted how many times you typed the word "coffee".

21 times, if you're curious.

Maniacal Mommy said...

Coffee is the best drink ever!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Mmmmmm...coffee! I have to have my coffee every morning. Can't function without it. Princess Nagger has shown no interest in my coffee, but she does love to swipe some of my French Vanilla creamer... :)

This Crazy Thing Called Motherhood said...

My 3 year old is starting to show a major interest in soda. My hubby's parents gave him his first sip of it WITHOUT my permission and he loved it.

Oh crap.

Now everytime my son sees me with soda, which is a good 50% of his waking hours at least, he tries to snitch some. ugh. I wanted to wait at least another 5 years before introducing him to my lovely addictive friend.

Oh well. I am really trying to cut back my soda intake, so as long as I don't have it around our house, he won't be able to become an addict, like his mommy. lol

Wasn't there a song with that title awhile back? "I'm not an addict...something something something...insert lame lyric of your choice here"

Anyways....me thinks maybe I am babbling a bit here because I was naughty and had some pepsi earlier...or maybe its just because I am crazy.

hee hee....

w said...

you used a lot of big words i don't understand. like "doppio" and "demitasse" and "patchouli" and "grow up".

i'm simple folk. VARy simple. worED.

oh! pretty colors. pretty pretty colors.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin