Friday, August 14, 2009

It's Time to Evict the Aliens

So ya'all...

My son is obsessed with science and science shows, and he knows a ton about black holes, twisters, the earth's core and that you have to be 18 to vote. Wait, that didn't fit...

Anyway, while in Alaska, Jacob sat down with my dad to watch a science program, while us girls (me, my mom and Audrey) went downstairs to watch a girly movie. Little did I know that the science show would be one of those, "are UFO's real?" docudramas.

I say drama, because c'mon, it's 8-year-old + aliens + imagination, so, upon finding out what the show was about, I decided to do that whole "PG" suggestion that usually comes with movies...

Me: "OK Jacob, you know they are talking theory here."
Jacob: *Sigh* "Yes mom let me watch it!"
Me: "And many of these shows are designed to be dramatic and sensational."
Jacob: "Mom I know! I am 8-years-old! I want to watch it!"
Me: "OK, just remember the things the scientists say are theories at best, OK?"
Jacob: "OK mom! Let me go I'm missing it!"

Now, disclaimer here, I am not discrediting anyone who believes they have seen a UFO, because hey, the acronym does mean Unidentified Flying Object's possible to see something flying around you can't identify (heck, that's half of the bugs I see around here alone!) and I am sorry for anyone who believes they have been abducted and experimented on by aliens, who could or could not have been from the UFO in the air...anyway...just saying, I'm not judging, BUT...

Us girls had a blast dancing, singing, watching a great movie, three generations of women building lasting memories. My son however, processed the docudrama in the exact way I didn't want him to.

To my dad's credit, he did a great job being objective and keeping watch to make sure there were no "reenactments" of implantations or eyes being probed with metal objects, or gangly, green, bug-eyed creatures chasing down terrified people. But you know what, it didn't matter. Later that night...

Me: "Jacob, go get ready for bed."
Jacob: *Sits there on the bed*
Me: "Jacob, you need to potty, go!"
Jacob: "No."
Me: "No? Why?"
Jacob: "There are aliens in the living room."
Me: *Sigh* "I KNEW you shouldn't have watched that show! There are no aliens in there."
Jacob: "How do you know? They could get me! Audrey come with me!"
Me: "Now, how is your 6-year-old sister going to save you?"
Audrey: "I'll karate chop them!"
Jacob: "And I'll bring my light saber!"
Me: "OK seriously kids, if there were aliens in the living room, do you think Audrey and a light saber are going to defeat them?"
Jacob: "It just makes me feel better."
Me: "OK...go."

So Jacob grabbed his light saber, and Audrey got into some "crouching tiger" position as they slinked out the bedroom door and flew the agonizing three feet to the bathroom across the hall. Audrey stood guard by the door with the light saber as Jacob quickly peed. Then they dashed back into the room and onto their beds.

Me: "Well, any aliens?"
Audrey: "Um...No?"
Me: "No?"
Jacob: "We ran really fast, so we didn't see."

By this time my dad peeks his head in the room to say goodnight.

Audrey: "Pipa, Jacob is scared of aliens."
Dad: "Aliens?"
Jacob: "Yeah, they're in the living room."
Dad: "They are?" *Dad goes into the living room to check*

Now side note here, dad is a full-blown Italian with a Brooklyn accent. He's the guy you want walking you home on a dark night, believe me.

Dad: "Eh, I sent them home."
Jacob: "WHAT?"
Dad: "Yeah...I told them there was nothing here they needed, and to get outta here. They won't be coming back. Yous guys are OK."
Audrey: "Did you karate chop them? Or can we be their friends?" [Audrey, always the social hopeful]
Dad: "Eh...they'll listen to me. They wont' be coming back. Now go to bed." *Dad leaves the room*

The kids looked at me a little concerned.

Me: "Hey, I grew up in this house and never saw an alien. If Pipa took care of them then I wouldn't worry."
Audrey: "Yeah, Pipa has big muscles."
Jacob: *Sitting silently, wondering if he just witnessed more drama and sensationalism*

We all went to sleep, Jacob clutching his light saber, and Audrey dreaming of a diplomatic reconciliation with ET and friends.

The aliens never came back. I have one tough dad!

PS by the way, just found this hysteri...uh, informative blog about surviving zombie attacks, because I am pretty sure zombies exist...


Kearsie said...

Look. Call me crazy, but I know I saw a UFO. Or maybe it was 8 blue birds all lit up in a line making figure eights in the sky super fast and then zooming off to the outerspaces. Idk.

BTW. I lurve Mars Attacks. I might be one of three who lurve it.

Jennifer said...

Bwahahahahaaa! Sometimes I think my husband's an alien...

w said...

ok. i'm going to share something with you that i've never shared with anyone else. i was abducted by aliens.

this happened just a few years ago.

my husband discredits me always with the whole - "no. you weren't abducted. that was the pitocin working and those were contractions".

well whatedvar.


Ok, here's another tip if the aliens come back. I had multiple conversations with wonder grandson about monsters, and I convinced him that Papa and Lulu have giant vats of monster spray, to protect the house. As he rolled over to go to sleep, he told me.."Man. I sure wish my dad and mom had some of that stuff."

Alien spray. Pick it up today at your local dollar store!

Dee said...

LOL, kids, got to love their innocents and imaginations!
I have to admit, I never had a run in with a UFO, but not saying they aren't out there, lol.

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