Sunday, November 21, 2010

You Really Don't Notice Dog Hair when the Hairs are the Size of Eyelashes...

*Blowing dust off the blog...a-gain*

*HACK HACK*

So, I went rogue, again, a real Jack Bauer move. The past 3 1/2 months have been dramatic and life-changing. Mainly because of the 3 1/2 pound terror who took over our lives...and I cut all my hair off. See how Jack Bauer that is? The makings of an awesome episode, with plenty of explosions, and awesome hair. And possibly a flea killing...

Tiny Terror Dog + Awesome hair + Explosions + Flea killing = Jack Bauer.



I was never super good at math...

So, maybe a handful of you all are wondering how we are all managing with Zimmel, eh? Well, let's give a real quick update:

-Zimmel no longer has worms/coccidia/giardia. However he replaced all these monstrosities with gas emissions that should be reported to the EPA, or at least investigated by a gastrointestinalologist...gist...ist...

-Speaking of his noxious gas (see explosion pic above for visual reference), it stems from his posh-life of eating super high-quality, unbelievably expensive food and treats, seen here:


He eats better than us, but if you sit with him long enough, you may think we feed him directly from a land-fill...

-Zimmel is no longer in danger of passing out from low blood sugar, and therefore I do not have to feed him Karo Syrup from a chopstick, the diet of celebrity champions. What?

-Zimmel no longer has to have any contact with the outside world, EVER, because he is fully potty trained using his inside, best-invention-ever Potty Park. I do not miss standing outside at 2am, in my PJ's and hubby's shoes, being freaked out by cave crickets and garden spiders on my steps, or grabbing leaves, rocks, or partially chewed-up ants out of Zimmel's mouth. Really I don't.

-Zimmel can execute about 7 amazing doggie stunts, and I expect to be called by any late-night show host, preferably Conan, very very soon...

-Zimmel no longer fits under the bathroom faucet for a quick shower.

-Zimmel made it through all of his shots. Maybe I should say I made it through all of his shots. The Vet clinic LOVES Z (I noticed all the cute little hearts they drew around his name on his file), and, even after all of my crying in the examination room, on-going gibberish about rabies fears, and arguing over when/how he gets his vaccinations, they seem to love me too. I just might bake them cookies.

-We are actively searching for the cutest Christmas sweater and reindeer horns ever made for little Z. Any suggestions would be much appreciated, as would hand-made gifts. I can send measurements. This is his leisure sweater...his ears are blurry because he is about to take flight:


- And as you can see from the tiny picture above, Zimmel is THE cutest dog EVER, and none of us can control ourselves when we are with him; we constantly stick our faces in his face and make silly, gushy, nonsensical noises. In fact, if you were a fly on the wall, you would witness all of the following, right before you were killed with copious amounts of Simple Green:

Audge: "Awwwwww! He is SOOOOO CUUUUUTE! He is SO ADORABLE! Mom, isn't he just SO ADORABLE?"

Me: "For the 2,638 time today, YES!"

Jake: "I want to hold him!" *tries to snatch Z away from Audge*

Audge: "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Zimmel: *Squirming* "Grrnnnnrrrglagnrrrr!"

Jake: "Moooooooom! She won't give me Zimmel!"

Me: "BLAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! In 10 minutes you will switch!"

Yes, Z now works in shifts. He is passed back and forth and manhandled every 10 to 15 minutes by greedy, eager children whose hands are smeared with chocolate and boogers, meaning he never gets a real solid chunk of time to sleep, eat, or to sit in silence with a bone. This might be why, when he finally escapes, he bolts for sanctuary under my legs, or the park-bench sofa. Either way he is still the most patient Chihuahua in the world.

My frantic house cleaning/constant freaking out/ perpetually Googling dog diseases tendencies have slowed down since he is now healthy, and therefore the 10 pounds I lost, and was thrilled about losing, are slowly creeping back on. I am once again behind on laundry, and not so motivated to have every dish clean and in the cabinet. My vacuum is actually back in the closet and my carpet still has a few fibers left, even though it has been vacuumed so much I am sure the padding has disappeared. My nose hairs and fingerprints are growing back because my bleach usage has slowed down as well, and finally, I am eating again, attempting to blog, and watching ridiculous Youtube videos.

So you see, as much as my life has to offer to the ever curious reader, the blog has fallen by the wayside, since during this time of trial I only had enough energy left at the end of the day to play scrabble or Frontierville on Facebook or cry.

And with that, I am now about to make a full-hearted attempt to get back into the hobby I love, blogging. And, to thank you readers who have decided to come back and read this...this...post, I leave you with this, knowing it will most certainly bring you back for more. I love you all, you are SO ADORABLE!

Zimmel doesn't bark, I kinda wish he did this. I love Steve Carrell, and this weird dog:



10 comments:

hawkbrwn said...

tons of love to you! glad we're both here together. it means a lot.

Creative Junkie said...

OK - I just googled Potty Park and I think I just had a life changing moment. How did I not know of this?

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

SO GLAD you are back. your particular brand of awesome has been missed. but i get it. i do. read every word and loved all of it

w said...

i am not #1.

you did not tell me so i could be #1.

you're back to b.

i'm glad you decided to varnish off your blog. see what i did? edxactly.

SurferWife said...

The Fuck. Maybe in my next life I can come back as one of your pets. I need you to feed me with chopsticks please.

Teisha said...

I love your awesome hair! It's awesome. Totally awesome.

And, Zimmel is totally awesome as well.

Megan said...

7 stunts? I can't even come up with that many - clearly you're raising a superior dog!

Aries said...

Welcome back. For dog lovers, your dog is indeed adorable but for non dog lovers, it sounds like a lot of work taking care of him. Happy blogging again

ModernMom said...

Oh I'm so glad you and Z are OK! (and is that you in the pic with the short hair for real? Hottie!)
I have to agree that your pup just may be one of the cutest doggies out there. I saw a wee one like that in the back of a pinto yesterday. She was wearing a pink polka dot sweater. Hilarious:)

The Lost in Suburbia Blog said...

The haircut is AWESOME!!! Love it!
Other than the fact that you look about twenty-pounds thinner than me, we could be twins.

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