Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Grass is Always Greener...When It's in a Potty Park...

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...

Zimmy has been bombarded with a full arsenal of medications for roundworms, as you know. He has also completed 15 days of meds for coccidia, and thus I thought we were in the clear. Then another stool sample test revealed something quite annoying...he has GIARDIA!

Noooooo...he didn't eat that Italian TV chef, this is yet ANOTHER parasite. It went like this:

Vet: *calls*

Me: "Hello?" (riveting, I know)

Vet: "Hiiiiii this is Vet Person. I am calling to discuss Zimmel's stool results."

Me: "OOOOOOOOOOK?"

Vet: "Good news! He is clear of roundworms and coccidia, buuuuut...it turns out he has giardia"

Me: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??"

Vet: "I know! I'm sorry! It's quite common in puppies, and it's hard to diagnose so it didn't show up in the other tests! Really though it's common!"

Me: "WHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY???"

Vet: "I know you've been through a lot!"

Me: "Is it transmittable to humans?"

Vet: "Yes it can be."

Me: "FOR THE FRICKEN LOVE OF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

Vet: "I know! It's gonna be ok! Just keep doing what you're doing..."

What I am doing? WHAT I AM DOING? This is what I am doing!!!:

-Laundry: In hot water w/ bleach every.day. ALL our clothing! Like at LEAST 2 loads a day! Colored, delicates, EVERYTHING! I figure if it can't stand the brutal washing and bleaching, it's probably too stylish and thus we don't need it.

-Vacuuming: Let me add here that I had to completely clean out my vacuum, as I used it once without realizing there was no bag in it (can you say GAG?). Have you seen the inside of a vacuum that was used to vacuum an entire house, without a bag??? The inside of the lid on mine has more ridiculous, non-functioning compartments than an apothecary! It was torture cleaning it outside, in 90 degree weather...

-Changing bedding: Oprah would sleep in our beds I am changing the sheets so much. Even the dog's bedding. Why? It's part of the hysteria.

-Bleaching everything: Pretty sure my house smells like a swimming pool, but all the little hairs in my nose have been burned off so, not sure I can smell anything...

-Washing hands: Kind of surprised we have any skin left...

-Washing Zimmel: He is now half fish...I mean half dish. Dawn dish soap does that.

This all with homeschooling, trying to shower, cooking, remembering to pay bills, keeping kids in their activities, and scouring the Internet.

You should see my eyebrows! They are out of control!

Anyway. Despite this temporary hell, there are many benefits to having a small dog. Despite the initial purchase price and first 6 months of vet bills, they are much more affordable. Especially short-haired, robust Chihuahuas. They eat less, make less of a mess, and end up being a good family investment because of their overall good-health and long life span. They also create minuscule poo and pee...

This is why Zimmy hasn't peed or pooped outside in 3 days.

Don't freak out. It's me remember???

I got him a litter box. Ohhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...

Why, you ask?

Let me give you a quick lesson in parasites that affect both humans and dogs. See, these parasites that we have been fighting now for the past month and a half well, they live in EVERYTHING! And, NOTHING KILLS THEM! Except fire. And they can live for YEARS in the soil...or earthworms, birds, livestock, raccoons, squirrels, crickets, etc. And since I can't burn the ground here at the apartment complex without being arrested, I have decided to just eliminate Zimmy's exposure, and expose Z to elimination in a box. I informed Zimmy of the impending change. It went something like this:


Me: "Zimmy! Wake up Zimmy!"

Zimmy: "Hwhaaat eeeez eeeeet?" (give me a break ok? He's originally from Mexico. In my mind, he has an accent. Just like if he were from France, like a Bichon Frise, he would then say, "oui madame, ca va?")





Me: "You're doing such a good job going potty outside!"

Zimmy: *gnaw gnaw gnaw* "Hyesssssss..."

Me: "But now, you're gonna go potty inside the house!"







Zimmy: "Hwhaaaaaaat? Are you loco? Hyou teach me to not go in theee house, now, go in theee house? Hwaaaat?"

Me: "Oh don't worry. It's in a litterbox. Like a cat!"

Zimmy: "Ho no...I am nooooooh caaaaaaaaaaaat!"






So...of course the company, Rascal Dog Litter Box realized pups may not want to pee in something that looks like this:


The bow is even more offensive. So, the grass comes slightly scented, for encouragement, and, if that doesn't work, it comes with a free spray.

The box came and I ripped it open with my bare hands. I assembled the litter box and promptly sprayed some of the spray on a spot. I thought to myself, "gee, this smells like urine!" Then I looked at the back:


Um...GACK!

But...seeing as it was a STERILE fox...or, the urine is now sterile, I didn't immediately spray on top of the spot with bleach. Or fire. Moving on...

So, if you're still with me (have some grace it's been a hard month) Zimmy uses the litter box with no problem, as long as he is brought over to it. And he needs to actually go. If he doesn't need to go, he

-rips it
-scratches at it
-licks it
-jumps out over the side
-runs in circles and barks

But let me just add that these behaviors, though annoying, are better than,

-trying to stop him from eating crickets, ants, and bird poo in between producing #1 and #2
-trying to stop him from rolling in the dirt
-trying to stop him from eating sticks, leaves, and then gagging on them
-standing outside at 2 am, praying that neither Z or I are attacked by bats.

Here is Zimmy, totally annoyed that I am taking a pic of him using his new potty...


I realize it's gonna take a while, and some treats, to get him to only eliminate in the box, and not destroy it. I plan on buying some Bitter Apple soon, I bet fox urine and Bitter Apple smell just FANTASTIC together!

But seriously! This litter box is amazing! Every small dog that can be carried away by a hawk should use this. It is SO easy to clean! You can even machine wash the grass! Wooohooo!

So, not sure this post was worth reading, but I said I would update you all on the litter box, and on the pup. The vet is pretty confident that Z has no more parasites or problems of any kind, and I am praying that is the case.

If anyone has a great story to share in the comments please do. I would love to co-miserate!!

Oh! And I forgot to mention, I am catching his poo in a bag before it touches the grass, just until the giardia test comes back negative.

Someone HELP meeeeeeeeeeeee!


13 comments:

hawkbrwn said...

okay, wait a minute. is zimmy now never going to go in the great hawk infested outdoors then? is z going to fox over-pee for the rest of his life in a fake grass box?

also, how the heck you clean the fake grass?

also, have we met? TOO STYLISH? WHAT? couldn't you just tie the too stylish clothes up in a plastic bag for a month instead like you do if lice gets into the house? don't ever ask me about having lived in montreal. oh my god the public schools. so much lice. oh lord. i cry a little. even now.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

wow. that is dedication. and i read every single word, bc i'm good like that. but this is my single favorite line that made me laugh and laugh

Every small dog that can be carried away by a hawk should use this

oh kimmy. i have a great post for you next week. it's simply a picture of a puppy wrapped in a taco. it's for you girl.

Toyin O. said...

Funny post.


http://youcanfacetodaybecausehelives.blogspot.com

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Once you get your dog to use the litter box, can you come teach my cat to use the toilet?

w said...

hhaahahaha. man. that was good. i must say. i didn't hear a mexican accent. i heard a vampire lisp.

too bad he didn't eat that cooking lady. she bothers me. well. her teeth do. kinda like stacy. remember her? yeah. i still want to kick her. the cooking lady, meh. i can go for just flicking her in the head. and covering up her boobs.

sterile foxes are good for the population.

The Mother said...

Fox urine is added to stuff to keep rodents out--the idea being that if they smell fox they'll stay the heck away. Why add it to a litter box? Beats me.

All urine is sterile, so that's no biggie.

As for the DOG--mine just earned me a $700 vet bill. She decided she was so sick she scammed the heck out of hubby, who took her to the vet, who did an entire workup, who then charged me a fortune, and handed over a dog who looked GREAT. He hadn't done anything but tests. Darn it.

No help, just sympathy.

Jaime Leigh said...

I know I shouldn't laugh at this post because if it was me I would be crazy already and probably bald from pulling my hair out, but I could help but giggle.....I will say a little prayer that recovery happens soon for you, because you deserve a break after all that =)

Aries said...

Now you got me thinking trice as to whether to get a dog pet or not. Hah hah hah.

ModernMom said...

Oh and I can't even laugh because I can only imagine how stressful this has been! Ug. Sending you and that truly adorable pup HEALTHY vibes. Enough with the sickies already!

ModernMom said...

I had to come back to tell you I have a giveaway going on at my blog that may be fabulous for that pup of yours:) (super low entrys too)
MM

Jessica (Hey Lola) said...

I was just thinking how awesome that litter box would be at my house...until I remembered my pug kicks at the grass after she goes...and I envisioned poo splattered walls all over my house. Damnit. For a minute, that was the best idea ever.

The Misfit Mothers said...

Hey Kim! Cheeky Greek here, remember me? Well, my friend and I have started two new blogs together so come and check us out sometime!

Claire said...

Hmm I can't believe Zimmy is still bowelly challenged. How long has this been going on for now? It feels like forever! Poor little guy. My basset hound ate trash yesterday, got diarrhea and ruined my rug. I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice to say that my house too smells like Clorox. Nice. Or as Zimmy would say "niiiiiiiiiiice"!

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