Sunday, October 19, 2008

You're Gonna Stick What, Where???

Even before you become a mother, you soon realize that things are going to be stuck in strange places, sometimes on purpose, sometimes on accident. For the most part, in the beginning, many things are being stuck, purposefully, on/in you and into your baby.

With the birth of my son, I had about 12 different nurses check my cervix, a metal contraption stuck up there to break my water, and some strange fetal monitor, placed on my son's head, while he was still in there! Electrodes, very sticky electrodes, were stuck all over my chest, back and sides as well. I looked like the Goodyear Blimp tied to the ground! Thank goodness for the catheter in my back administering the epidural, AND the happy catheter in my bladder since I was on my back for 12 hours! And oh yeah, my thirst was strangely squelched by the IV in my hand. So many things, stuck in places I didn't want them...

I know there are many of you that can empathize...Had a hard labor and some trouble sitting for a while? Thank Goodness for cortisone suppositories and bags of frozen peas!** Been one of those fortunate mothers to have a SEVERELY constipated baby? Here come the ENEMA suppositories to the rescue! Breasts sore from nursing? Well, just stick on a couple of cold, gummy nipple pads, and before you leave the house, stick some nursing pads in your bra too! Think your newborn has a temp? Well, just be thankful if you have the ear/forehead thermometer! I only had the…BUM thermometer, which, actually, seemed to cure constipation…OH! Were you ecstatic not to have a period for nine months? How about that post-birth bleeding for six-weeks straight (where are those tampons???)! Baby is sick with an ear infection that won’t go away? Yeaeeeee for antibiotics!! Just shove the syringe into the back of his throat, and time the squirts in between the screams so he doesn’t choke! Baby has “gookey eye”? Who didn't squirt breast milk into her eye until it cleared up! Baby’s boogers won’t come out? Well! Get that wonderfully globed-shaped nose sucker and squeeze it BEFORE sticking it into your baby’s nose so you don’t blow air through his tear ducts and ears! And, of course, don’t forget all the needle jabs that your baby will endure before age two (if you go that route).

There might be more, but that is more trauma than I want to remember quite frankly. Where is that blog that talks about sweet-smelling babies, cooing, and that amazing maternal bonding process???

So anyway, you make it through all of that, and just about the time you are feeling pretty secure about your newly-acquired medical knowledge and techniques, baby find his nose. You will find that 98% of the time, the thing in your child’s nose will be his/her finger, but that small 2% of the time it will be something alarming that you cannot get out on your own. Unfortunately this phase can go well into adolescence, so it is hard to gauge just when you will be out of the woods for emergency room visits to dislodge any of the following…

Rolled up balls of paper
Doll shoes
Dried corn
Ball bearings
Christmas decoration
Dog food, or cat food…
Bugs-yes real ones, hopefully dead ones!

I am sure there are more, and some that are more impressive. The point is, however, it just has to be the right size and within reach to be shoved up and packed into your child’s cranium. The most important thing is not to panic AND not try to get it out yourself if blowing it out doesn’t work, and/or if you can’t see it!!! And, depending on the age, you’re never 100% sure something is really in there or isn’t. They may have tried to get something lodged in there and failed, or it was in there briefly and came out on its own.

When my daughter Audrey was about two years old, my son Jacob came to me and told me that she had stuck a sticker up her nose. We spent a ghastly amount of time with a flashlight up her nostril, trying to figure out if what we were looking at was paper or part of her nasal anatomy. After telling her to blow until she became dizzy, and hearing about 50 different versions of the story (she ate the sticker, it flew up her nose, she just smelled the sticker, she never played with stickers, it wasn't a sticker it was paper, etc), we decided she was ok and no trip to the doctor was warranted. She’s 5 now. I think I can finally stop worrying about it…

** For those of you not familiar with frozen peas, the bag works great, molding into whatever shape you need to add some cool, numbing relief, and the bag can be frozen again and again. I would suggest marking the bag, however, so you don’t later serve them for dinner…

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i personally found that day three post delivery was "hump day" after that i could actually sit comfortably. however until then i was in AGONY! i would take a c section recovery any day compared to a vaginal birth recovery. at least with a c section they give you good drugs and your bum isn't swollen so when you sit in your "nursing station", you can atleast sit without crying out in pain! i personally found a frozen maxi pad did the trick...

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