Monday, May 16, 2011

Days 13-15: What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas...But I Wasn't In Vegas, And Billy Blanks Nearly Made Me Throw Up

Confession time y'all...

Saturday was not a good day. I stood for...4 hours.


Don't hate me! It wasn't my fault!!!

I blame the bride and the groom. I would blame the pastor but, I don't want to get into any unnecessary trouble...

Yeah so, we went to a wedding. And you know, you must sit down at weddings.

I mean, if I had stood, people would have been all confused, twisting their heads around continually, to see if the bride was walking down the aisle. The organist would have jumped her cue several times (no one likes a crabby organist), and people might have freaked out, thinking there was a fire, or aliens...or all sorts of terrible and confusing things...

So like a good girl, I sat. I even shed a little tear. Not because I was losing standing time, sheesh...I have a heart!

And then there was the reception. Excellent was a serve yourself, then sit-the-heck-down dinner.

Again, I did not stand because:

- I would have had to have assumed a POTS (position other than standing), which is um, awkward when eating chicken with bones in it. Besides, successfully bringing corn up to your mouth on a fork, while standing in any position, is nearly impossible.

- People might have expected me to make a speech, or sprung to my rescue, thinking I was choking on a chicken bone.

- People might have thought I was the wedding planner, and asked me when more mashed potatoes were going to be put out, or worse, they might have handed me their dirty plate...

The sitting went on and on and on and on! My backside became numb. I shifted and fidgeted. I got up to use the bathroom and walk around outside. I knew however I wasn't getting my standing hours back. They were gone.

We were able to stand for the festivities, like the shoving-cake-in-each others'-noses part, and the bride and groom dance. I wore my fabulously comfy pumps just for the occasion. I should have brought a butt pillow.

There is a little saying I learned from Leslie wait that's the TV company...Leslie Sansone, ya know the walking goes like this: "the more you sit, the more you wanna sit, the more you move, the more you wanna move!" Revolutionary, yes?

Well her theory is frickin' brilliant and spot-on, because come Sunday, my body was screaming to assume a sitting position ALL FRICKIN' DAY LONG! It's kinda like giving up chocolate for some crazy reason, and then walking up to a post-Valentine's Day sale in Wal-Mart after finding $50 bucks on the ground. Even so, I eeked out 8 hours of standing. A total blow to my whole record for sure.

I might have to buck up and stand 12 hours for a week, just to get in the hours! Sigh.

And with that, it is Monday. I have been standing for 6 hours on this day, Day 15. NONE of my numbers have changed; weight, measurements, all the same. Yee-friggin'-haw...

What does this mean people???

Well, I can only guess that this means standing must only offer benefits that aren't measured by scale and tape. Standing must be a component to an overall lifestyle change. It must be like stretching. Stretching is great, but on its own it won't do much for you; you need to implement exercise. The stretching merely helps you loosen up and avoid injury, it doesn't actually build muscle. You can build muscle without stretching but, stretching adds to your overall success.

Because really, let's do some math to get a clearer picture. I hate math. Here we go...

Let's say, for argument's sake, I always sit 6 hours a day out of a 12 hour day. I would burn 115 calories per hour sitting, and standing I burn 145 calories an hour. That is a gain of 30 extra calories burned per hour, for 4 hours a day that I exchange sitting for standing. That equation compares my new standing routine to my old sitting routine.



Here is what I am saying...

I am only burning an extra 120 calories per day by standing 10 hours a day.

People, you have to burn about 3500 calories to lose a pound.

It's a sad truth. The mere act of standing does not make one lose weight.

Even with fidgeting, stretching and moving around, all my effort can be negated if I eat a candy bar or even a soda. I give up?


I need to remember that my body is now producing lipase, which it really wasn't before, in high quantities, which I need for fat loss. And, I am improving my overall health by --

  • relieving pressure on my spine
  • encouraging better kidney and bladder function, and
  • digestive and bowel function
  • maintaining and possibly improving bone density
  • encouraging flexibility, and removing the hip pain
  • increasing circulation in my legs, and
  • aiding respiration
Plus my overall endurance for standing is way improved. I can stand for 4 hours straight without needing a sitting break. And of course I get more done around the house.

Here's where Billy Blanks comes in, and why I almost threw up.

Backtrack...when my chihuahua was a small, diseased, worm-infested puppy, I barely sat, barely ate, and was engaged in a lot of physical work, like tons of vacuuming, cleaning, and wailing and gnashing my teeth on the cleaned carpet. So while I don't want to EVER encounter round worms in my dog's poo again, I do want to drop weight like I did at that time, and keep it off in a healthy and maintainable way...

So, starting today, I am implementing exercise. I dug out my Billy Blanks Boot Camp Lower Body Workout DVD.

I did 15 minutes. I must admit that after standing all day exercising did not seem like an insurmountable task, it wasn't like I had to get up from a comfy position...however...

My heart was thumping like a bass drum in my head and I about puked up my lunch.

But I burned about 118 calories...


So it's easy to see, calorie-wise, why a good workout would seem to trump the whole sit-less-than-3-hours-a-day theory, when it comes to burning calories and losing weight.

BUT, we all know now, because I have burned it into your brains, that it's not just about exercising anymore. We need our bodies primed with lipase and all those good enzymes and hormones and thingies triggered only by standing...

And thus, I assume the lipase in my body also got out of its chair today and went on a screaming rampage around every fat cell in my body, beating the yellow-clumpy crap out of it. Literally.

I would love to work up to about 30 minutes a day. So, theoretically speaking, that would be about 230 calories + 120 calories, which is 450 calories a day, extra, burned. With a little more effort I could lose a pound a week just by exercising and standing. However I know I need more.

So this week I will add the work outs and see what that does to my ability to stand for long periods of time. Next Monday I will re-assess and then add a dietary component to it.

And with that long and agonizing post, I leave you with a taste of my exercise program. It tastes like bile, because it makes you throw up. Happy Monday y'all!!

1 comment:

SierraMac said...

That Billy Blanks vid didn't look so hard till they started doing double time. Then the girl in the purple shorty-shorts made me wanna puke because she was jumping around like such a little goody two-shoes. Blech. I'm standing as I write this - does that count? I stand quite a bit during the day teaching, but I'm not about to do any math about it. Nice work, Kim!

Blog Widget by LinkWithin