Saturday, January 1, 2011

Insanity: A Year in Review


Man, 2010 came and went faster than a plate of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies placed in front of my face! It was a pretty good year, and I have high hopes for 2011, especially if it is baked in peanut butter and littered with chocolate chips...

So, in order to hold 2011 to this past year's standard, I am gonna do my very own "Year in Review", trying to hit all the highlights of my year, for prosperity...or something. And probably most of the highlights are gonna be from the past three months, because seriously I can barely remember what I did yesterday...

And, by the way, these are not chronological, there is no "magic number" I tried to achieve, nor are they listed in any particular order, like best to worst or something. Really, have you seen my sock drawer?


My husband became a chef.

Yes, this year my hubby's brain exploded from too much PhD stuff and suddenly his bread and pizza making evolved into this enviable ability to make amazing meals. I didn't even need to sneak a subliminal message tape under his pillow or start consistently ruining dinners for this to take place. Really, we watched Julie and Julia and BAM (Emeril reference) before I knew it, he bought Julia Child's cookbook and suddenly began cooking amazing meals on Wednesday nights. As if I weren't spoiled enough by being served pizza every Friday night, I was sitting on my rear waiting for my meal TWICE a week! He even cooked for our Christmas get-together with friends AND Christmas Eve AND Day! I know you're all jealous...heh heh. Here are some pix of his cooking awesomeness...I am expecting Food Network to call soon, mainly because he's so cute...

Home-made Mushroom Ravioli + Super Hot Husband + Beef Wellington =

I Came Face to Face with a Black Widow, and Lived!

At a family reunion this summer in Idaho, I allowed my kids to run around in basically rural areas, areas I did not clear for safety, for days on end. That's a pretty big deal for me. They had a blast.

On the last day, while visiting an airplane hangar to view their great grandpa's airplanes, my whole family nearly locked lips with a FRICKIN' HUGE BLACK WIDOW SPIDER! She was right next to the light switch in the hangar and WAS FRICKIN' HUGE! (Actually, I don't know if she had lips.) I didn't have my camera (figures) so all I can offer you is, that lips or no lips, she scared the crazap out of us and SHE WAS FRICKIN' HUGE AND SCARY! After seeing this I realized my kids were probably inches from kissing her sisters all weekend, and just thanked God above that this was the only real encounter anyone had that weekend, because she was SCARIER THAN ALL GET-OUT AND FREAKING HUUUUUGE!

I Lost my Blogging MoJo...

I can't really explain this one. Maybe I started running out of funny things to say, maybe my life had run out of interesting things to share, maybe I was tired of editing glitches in Blogger, maybe it was my obsession with FB games, like Frontierville and Scrabble...whatever the case, I am blogging less, and commenting even lesser. This is kind of a depressing highlight. More like a lowlight, which would be darkness really...sprinkle some pixie dust on me, maybe that will help.

I Almost Ate a Shrimp Head.

I watched a ton of Anthony Bourdain this summer, while sitting blissfully (at nap time for kids) and eating candy and/or drinking wine with the Godmother of my children. Thus, on the night she and I went out for our annual birthday celebration of sushi and awesomeness, I was Bourdain-inspired to eat a fried shrimp head. I mean, Anthony eats MUCH worse! I had already grossed her out with most of the raw items on my plate, and she wasn't too impressed with the cold Sake, so watching me crunch and gnaw on something with eyeballs, and a brain falling out the end, was probably one of her highlights of 2010 as well. Sadly, I was not successful in eating the head. Even though the waitress assured me it was yummy and "croooncheeee!" <---(her emphasis) I could not choke it down. I was so close to its brain I am sure I knew what it was thinking, which was, "don't eat my brain or my eyes!" Therefore, in 2011 you won't see me on any reality shows that would require me to eat anything including brains or eyes. Or heads.

Burn Notice, Psych, Lie to Me, Leverage and The Closer Came into My Life.

I love all these shows, and, if you ask me, I will probably urge you in the strongest manner I know, that won't get me arrested, to add these shows to your TV-watching list, whether it be prime time, Netflix or Hulu. However, what my husband will tell you, is that he nearly had to twist my arm, bribe me, beg on hands and knees, and pay me to even consider watching any of these shows...every attempt something like this:

Hubs: "Wanna try watching (insert any show above here)?"

Me: "No."

Hubs: "Why???

Me: "We already watch fifty hundred shows! It looks boring anyway. And, I hate the theme song (or actor, topic, genre)."

Hubs: "You have to try just one episode, I know you'll like it."

Me: *Scoffs*

Hubs: "Well, I don't want to watch it by myself, and I have to wait for you to fall asleep if you refuse to watch it with me!"

Me: *Sigh*"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK fine! Just one! But I know I won't like it."

We now watch 50 bazillion shows. I love them all.

I Discovered

I couldn't understand how I could be eating nothing yet never lose weight and sometimes gain some. Then somehow in my bewilderment I found this website, and for free it allows you to track your calories and exercise, and even sets you up with a few goals, all for free! I managed to lose 5 pounds the old fashioned way, by watching calories and exercising. After about 3 months I fell off the wagon and into a pit of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies my husband made. More on weight loss coming soon...

I Learned How to Make Fondant.

All my life I have wanted to be a professional cake decorator...and a professional ballroom dancer...and Aeon Flux...anyway...I was convinced I needed to try making and using fondant, mainly because I just wanted to eat a huge glob of fondant. So, with that I found a super messy but easy recipe for marshmallow fondant, and I made my first cake! Here is the picture...

Without going into great detail about the picture, which my BEEF, winn, took while we were using Skype, I must say that she made better fondant cakes than this, and, she had to continually tell me to stop eating the fondant, and, she lovingly pointed out my decorating error, 3,1,3,2,1,2,1...Skype is awesome. As is cake decorating. I have high hopes for this year's birthdays...

I Basically Set Up a Summer Science Camp for my Kids.

I nearly approached "supermom" status when I suddenly became inspired and held a series of science experiments for my kids during the month of July. I even set up a Facebook page to share with the world. We made super strong bubble solution, goopey slime that had both the properties of a solid and a liquid, hand made lava lamps, and marshmallow toothpick bridges, among other things. This was a great way to let the kids have fun, learn some new things and get outside! After about two weeks my brain exploded and we just started hanging out at the pool...

We Got a Dog and I Didn't Get Roundworm and Die.

If you remember this post and this post you'll see that getting a dog can sometimes cause a bit of emotionally-paralyzing DRAMA in your life. It sure as heck did in mine! I nearly had a nervous breakdown, for real, thanks to the grossness that is roundworms! I considered declaring that this would be the last animal I EVER owned, because absolutes like that are so realistic, but, you know what they say about chihuahuas, you can never have just one...or maybe that's what they say about potato chips...

I lost 10 Pounds, and then Gained it Back...

This happened only because I had a dog with roundworms. I was SO worried and SO freaked out that I couldn't eat and I cleaned nearly 24/7. I constantly screamed at the kids to wash their hands after even just looking at the dog, and I spent any resting moment on Google trying to figure out the odds of us actually contracting roundworms, and what to do about it if we did. Oh, and not to mention (in case you didn't click those links up there to read the posts) he also had coccida AND giardia...he was a walking petri dish of I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE! Once he got better, the weight came back on. Eating and sitting and not having constant nervous breakdowns contributed to this, apparently...

I Cut off All My Hair...Again...and I LOVES IT!

So I wrote this post about loving my long locks. I even bought a fancy super-expensive flat iron and vowed to never ever EVER cut my hair off again.

Oops, I did it...again.

But this time, I am older, wiser, and, the cut is SO amazingly cute and easy to style that I may NEVER EVER EVER try to grow it out again!


I am looking to Halle Berry and Jamie Lee Curtis for inspiration to maintain my pixie cut, and I am slowly coming to accept I am no where near my 20's any longer. It's a good thing.

We Made Serving in the Community a Priority.

As my kids get older, I want them to understand what a great life they have, and how important it is to share their joy with others through serving the community. A few years ago a video by Advent Conspiracy really fueled the fire for us to make a difference in any way we could, as a family. The kids held a very successful lemonade stand this summer for the Salvation Army homeless shelter, and they worked hard serving the homeless dinner on Thanksgiving Day. They were thoughtful in buying Christmas toys for children through the Salvation Army program, and they were joyful while helping out at a toy drive for parents who could not afford new gifts for their kids on Christmas. And after all of this I do believe they are really starting to grasp why we were doing these things, and appreciate everything they have. The experiences are truly life-changing.

Raising money for homeless kids in 90+ degree weather. Awesome.

I Discovered Amazing Things on Youtube, like Peanut Butter Jelly Time and Antoine.

Some days, when I get down-time, instead of blacking out, I decide to jump on You Tube and see what is there. You would never believe that from looking up "dogs with rabies" I stumbled upon this fantastic is the first video I found, and the original song is on You Tube with a dancing banana. I need this as my ring tone:

And then a friend on FB posted this viral video, and I decided that if Antoine ever gets to my neck of the woods, he is coming over for dinner (probably hubs will cook) and we will play the Wii and talk/sing in autotune all night...(get on You Tube and find the original newscast interview if you haven't heard of this already and, if you haven't WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??)

You Tube is awesome!

I Bought 4 1/2 inch heel boots...

Since 99.8% of the time I am sitting around in pajamas, I decided I needed some ridiculously high-heeled shoes. They are completely practical, and a good use of money, and SO comfortable, so I bit the bullet and finally did it. Actually it went something like this...

Watching shows with the hubs, some character comes on with awesome heels:

Hubs: "You should get a nice pair of high heels."

Me: "Why? What in the heck would I do with them?"

Hubs: "Um, wear them?"

Me: "Um, where???"

Hubs: "I don't know, around the house?"

Me: *Scoffs* "With my sweatpants?"

Hubs: "All I am saying is, I think you should get some."

I think hubs knows I have secret obsession with shoes, though I don't have a ton of them or much reason to wear any super awesome shoes. But with his encouragement, I bought these for myself for Christmas.

And I walk pigeon toed and VERY SLOWLY in them. But, they are AWESOME and I can reach the top cabinet shelves in my kitchen with no problem. Another dear friend, who loves shoes and is much more savvy in fashion sense than me, suggested gel insoles with arch support. Because of this, the general public will think I am 5'10', and easily reaching healthy cereal on the top shelves at the super market is gonna be soooooo sweet.

I Succeeded in Snapping the Ultimate Dog Christmas Photo and sending the most awesome e-card.

Christmas was awesome and relaxing and fun this year, and our socks were blessed off and replaced with even awesomer socks (figuratively speaking) by friends and family.

But this year, I didn't try for a papped photo of the fam to run over to Snapfish or Wal Mart to make Christmas cards to send to everyone I know. No, I decided to just condition my 6-month-old chihuahua to sit still while wearing a Santa hat. Every few days I would pet him with the hat, while cooing and praising him. I would then slip it on his head, give him a treat and praise him endlessly, each attempt leaving it on for longer periods of time. In the end this totally paid off:

Remember the dog in Dr. Seuss' Grinch story? It's Zimmel...

If this isn't the funniest thing you've ever seen then, show me what you've seen that is funnier. Really, I dare you.

OK maybe this as just as funny, or to some funnier. Who needs a family photo when you can do this!

And there you have it folks! You just wasted spent an hour of your new year looking back on my 2010. Maybe you're better for it. Maybe not. The pressure is too much for me to handle. Either way, Happy New Year to all my bloggy friends!


w said...

ok. best post all year so far!

i can't wait to have some of the mushroom ravioli wellington choke.

i bet that spider was chicken huge. you underestimate sometimes.

i almost started blogging. remember? i just told you. i thought of something when i was sitting on the pot.

i eat shrimp heads all the time.

lie to me, bones, hawaii 5-o. i'm just as sick as you. addictive sick. not dying sick.

man. you linked me. i feel so famous. also. i look pretty dang hot in that picture!

i lost 10 lbs, too! and. i gained it back, too. oh my gosh. we're dying. or pregnant.

you are hot!

i wish i had been there at the lemon-aid stand. mainly because i just wanna squirt people in the eyes with lemon juice. you know. since i don't own a stun gun. yet.

hide your kids. hide your wife!

hilarious. and... dun dun dun dun dun! cute.

*fist pump*

Mrs. Tuna said...

Whew, busy year, my fingers are tired just scrolling down.

Dee at Pedestrian Palate said...

That was a pretty good year. Tell me, what secret incantation did you recite to get your husband to cook? Do you think that the same magic potion works for vacuuming and laundry?

Oh, and your hair is totes cute!

The Retired One said...

Nice review! I have been missing your sick humor blogposts, so get busy, girlfriend! Oh, and b4 I forget to tell ya, I 'll be doing a blog post in the near future where all of the past winners of the monthly FREE PHOTO CONTEST will be posted...which includes YOUR fantastic last year's winning photo for "something rusty"....and asking my blog readers to vote on the NUMBER ONE photo of the year! Just thought you'd want to know you will be in the running. Which reminds me of my LAST comment...I have painfully noticed that you have been ABSENT from commenting on my blog and/or submitting any more photos! What's up with THAT?? We need your photo entry every month, missy!!

w said...

this was funny. remember when there was that comment thing? that was stressful.

Teisha said...

LOVE your hair. Love it.

My husband cooks for me as well. Chicken nuggets and frozen pizza are his specialties.

Zimmel is the bomb!

Teisha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Teisha said...

PS-Those boots rock my socks off.

I will try to not post this comment twice. It's been a trying week. Oh shizz it's only Monday.


Stephanie said...

What a year!! The Black Widow Spider!! Yikes.
Let's just talk about wonderful things like fab haircuts(love), puppies and boots(want):)

Happy New Year from your Canadian Friend. All the best in 2011!

beckerlady said...

Hey Kim,
Well you had QUITE a year! Mine was a little less interesting, but it did end with a bang: my BLOG disappeared off the face of the internet. Not sure what happened but while I was away for x-mas vacation, the grinch stole my blog and Google Blogger does not seem to be populated by any living people who can help me get it back. I'm trying to track down all the people I was following, who also followed me to let them know that I have set up new digs at Wordpress. I am at but I have not yet figured out how to add any widgets or followers or anything more complex than posting my blog. I'll let you know when I am back in fighting shape!

Claire Gutschow, Fei'd skin care said...

Wow, you've been busy! I'm too scared to do my year in review. There would be too many curse words, a lot of cellulite, some unused running shoes and a long list of airline miles. Uugh! Happy 2011 to all of you guys...

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