Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I'll Take a Padded Room,But Only If It's Color Coordinated...

Have you all seen The Marriage Ref? It's pretty funny. Ya know, summer programming. It's no LOST but hey, I'm not sure I care. Anyway...

So this show, in case you don't know, features 3 different guest celebs each week, who learn about various couples in the midst of martial strife. For example, the husband wants to keep his collection of creepy marionette dolls in the living room, and change their clothes everyday, and the wife wants to burn them. The celebs get to decide who wins (guess who won that one??).

One of the shows in particular was about a formal dining room, and how the husband wanted to use it, and the wife would not even let him enter the area. Eva Longoria spoke up on this issue, stating she too has a formal room, a living room in fact, that is decorated juuuuust so and no one is allowed to go in there. Ever. (She voted for the wife, duh.)

When she said this I was all, huh? Seriously? Who truly has that much money and gall to rope off perfectly good, usable square footage so it can look all pristine and museum-like and never be used? It's not like Eva has kids and needs a place of solace (ya know, like the bathroom, where us normal mothers go to hide and take a nap)! Is her husband inviting all his b-ball teammates over? Are they throwing Gatorade bottles all over the fireplace hearth and couches? Is she constantly falling into their stinky, sweaty, size-18 shoes? Do they carelessly misplace the remote and sit on her dogs? Are jock straps hanging from the chandelier? I mean, what havoc is wreaking in her life that she needs a formal room that no one touches?

Then it hit me...

I want that.

How do I get that?

I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaant it.

Can you imagine? A room, that no matter what time of day you go into it, everything is perfectly in its place. Nary a pillow tassel is tousled, dust is repelled, white fabrics stay white, and it always smells of fresh lavender and vanilla?

Even at 2 am, when you sneak around the corner and jump into the room screaming, "AHA!" there is nothing to pick up, wipe, or move?

I think that would do a lot for my sanity.

It's probably mostly because summer is upon me, but I am losing my ability to accommodate 3 dishwasher loads per day and endless laundry. Legos are breeding like rabbits in every corner of my house, the living room looks like the set of some movie involving ghosts, because the furniture keeps moving around, and I swear my kids' clothes drawers are full of explosives, because their clothes are strewn all over their room, even though they only wear one of two rotating outfits at a time each week. I'll work like a dog only to have the house look just like it did before I cleaned it a mere 24 hours before. AND I AM SO SICK OF CLEANING UP MY HAIR WHY THE WHY DOES IT KEEP FALLING OUT OF MY HEAD AND PILING UP ON MY LINOLEUM ALONG WITH ROGUE COFFEE GROUNDS AND CHERRIOS?!!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!

OK...this is probably the point where this post goes from a blogger sharing a funny anecdote, to a crazy woman venting maniacally and bloodying her fingers while banging out random, nonsensical words on a weary and frightened keyboard.

It's time to go sit in the bathroom, with the lights off...

10 comments:

Aries said...

I get to know about the show from The Oprah Show, but it is not being aired in Malaysia T.V yet, I hope soon. I get what you mean. At times I wish no one would even step foot on the floor too, the whole house if possible. I just hate it when I just mopped the floor, have not even dry completely and my son, who just came back from playing basketball with his friends, without shoes, step all over my sparkling clean floor. I almost killed him that day. Ha ha ha , motherhood!

Jenny Bunny said...

I love you. Someday I'm going to come visit you... and make you sit and do nothing while I clean your house. Why? Because I like cleaning... when it's not MY house! And I love you.

Together We Save said...

Oh my ... if Jenny Bunny wants a house to clean send her my way!!

SurferWife said...

I feel your pain, girl. Please take solace knowing you are not alone.

The Retired One said...

To ME, a house with a room that could not be entered or used is CRAZY and a bit insane. It wouldn't be a home to me but like a cold museum....I like things lived in and homey....

w said...

i have no such room. dannygit. i'd like one, too. my dining room is semani-like that. but still, the kids crawl up on the chairs and touch stuff.

i am so mantally exhausted. this is the best i can do.

ModernMom said...

I figure I will have too many of those rooms when the kids move out and then I will be sad and lonely. I'm just gonna keep complainng about the cheerios:)

PS Thanks for you r kind words on ,y blog the other day....they meant a lot:)

multitaskular.com said...

Ahh man, you are supermom. You clean every 24 hours for heavens sakes. I clean once a week, end-of-story. If things get messed up in the meantime, too bad. That's what dogs are for. I figure my son's immune system would probably survive a nuclear attack after what he's eaten off the floor! I salute you my friend.

multitaskular.com said...

Ahh man, you are supermom. You clean every 24 hours for heavens sakes. I clean once a week, end-of-story. If things get messed up in the meantime, too bad. That's what dogs are for. I figure my son's immune system would probably survive a nuclear attack after what he's eaten off the floor! I salute you my friend.

Much More Than Mommy said...

STOP THE INSANITY! That room will become reality when your kids have left home and you take one of their rooms, and lay down that plasticy 'runner' into it, and then cover whatever's in it in plastic. I also advise getting several cats when that time comes, to complete the look.

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